Do people who talk of a 'forever home' forget they are going to age?

[flashbac]

Who wants to rattle around in a family home when the kids have left and you can no longer do the stairs? Are people intending on hogging a home too big for their needs until they die or am I missing something?

What is a 'forever home'?

I use that phase.

Currently in a 4 bedroom semi-detached, at 35.

Next house at 37, will be £1m detached.

My forever house at 45 will be £1.5m detached.

And I plan to live in it until I pass away tbh. Regular housework, gardening and stairs will help keep you fit.

@LemonSwan

I am not sure why you are upset at larger home owners OP.

You cant complain they are 'hogging' them if you aren't in a position to buy one if they were to sell.

And I guess you aren't in a position to buy one - otherwise you would have done and then wouldn't be complaining about people living in large homes.

Agree with this, I don’t think the OP has an issue at all with the ‘forever home’ phrase at all, what they really have an issue with is people living in big houses which the OP can’t afford themselves.

Just pointing out how life can change often very unexpected, I was dx with MS, didn’t dream that would happen. When we moved in 18 years earlier, living in our very large house became very difficult.

@MrsBison

I use that phase.

Currently in a 4 bedroom semi-detached, at 35.

Next house at 37, will be £1m detached.

My forever house at 45 will be £1.5m detached.

And I plan to live in it until I pass away tbh. Regular housework, gardening and stairs will help keep you fit.

Surely your house at 37 will be worth more than your house at 45 by then

@MysteriousSoup

‘hogging’ give over

Jealously yet again by some of the MN crew

@RedHot22

Haha, in todays money.

Tbh, at 60, I could even move once more using pension money/pots if i really wanted to.

I think complaining about people ‘hogging a home’ is a bit rich when even if they put their family home up for sale 90% of young families couldn’t afford them anyway.

Complains about hogging homes
Homes come up for sale
Complains about price

It's a sweeter way of saying "I want this place until I die to avoid the hell of moving again" which is what my spouse said repeatedly.

I know my actual forever home is currently listed in my funeral plans as the natural burial place just outside the city, but fewer people want to talk about that forever home. Somehow it's seen as morbid.

I definitely considered aging for my until I die place, but I'm overly practical in this area. First thing I loved when looking at this place for the first time is that there is a lovely ramp to the front door - literally said 'ooo, that's nice' before I realized it's probably weird to say that about a ramp. That there are beautiful handrails and we could see where the stairlift and emergency intercoms were removed was part of what sold it to us - homes that can be adapted for actual life is for many the ideal. That few homes are built now with that really in mind even with the standards meant to do so is disheartening.

Not everyone's ideal 'until I die' home is that big to be "rattling". My in-laws were in a 2 up, 2 down. It was actually really difficult to find space in their later years for the equipment that would help their quality of life and for carers to do what they needed safely. That stuff takes up quite a bit of space. We ended up having to turn their living room into a bedroom not because an issue with stairs, but it was the only room big enough for all the medical equipment she needed in bed and have space for carers as well. My home is a bit bigger than theirs, but it's a pretty standard '50s concrete home. I won't be rattling even if my dream of a Golden Girls years doesn't happen. My maternal grandparents had a far larger place floor space-wise, but after my grandmother lost a leg, it didn't feel so roomy with all the things she needed and trying to care for those needs. The only smaller place that was of any use were those already medically equipped.

There are people in mansions and several homes that are barely used & whole buildings that are being left to rot, why the fuck would anyone call people with a couple spare bedrooms which could be used for anything up to and including carer spaces "hogging" with that going on. It feels like it's looking at the wrong people in regard to the housing problem and I think ignores that disabilities - across ages - tend to involve thing that need more space, not less.

We moved into our 'forever' home in our early 40s. It 's a big house with many stairs and is at the top of a steep hill so we were fully aware that if we were lucky enough to our mid 60s or beyond we would probably have to downsize to somewhere more accessible. However if we get 20 or 25 happy years here that will be forever enough for us.

My parents moved into their dream home (before the days of forever houses) when Dad was 51. He had huge plans for it but was dead at 54. None of us know what's ahead for us so why not look on the bright side and move into a lovely home and hope you will be fit and healthy enough to have a long and happy life there.

@MrsBison

Tbh, at 60, I could even move once more using pension money/pots if i really wanted to.

You have to consider ‘why’ though.

It’s not just about being able to afford to.
We could, but are happy where we are having invested in this house and outbuildings

What an odd thread.

I don’t understand forever home, but I don’t understand hogging a home even more. How are you hogging something that fully belongs to you? There is hardly a shortage of large homes.

I don't say the phrase forever home ,but I can't see us ever moving , we bought a house big enough for our family but not so big that once the kids leave it's too big for us

@LadyWithLapdog

What hobbies do people have that require all this extra space and entire rooms dedicated to them? I’m imagining lots of mini railways. Also, office rooms when retired?! A click on the phone and that’s most paperwork needs sorted.

Well, for us, the hobbies are painting/miniatures/music/woodworking (mostly done in the garage workshop) and sewing/quilt-making/fiber arts.

I don't "need" a full room for my hobbies, but it's a luxury to have room to keep my sewing machines out all the time, not to mention adequate storage and space to work. I could work at the kitchen table, if I had to, but then I'd need to move everything out of the way.

Our office is used daily for wfh. After retirement, it might be converted to a guest room, but then we'd have to get rid of the treadmill that's already in there. Besides, anything DH does on the computer, he tends to do in there, and I'm certain he'll continue using his computer after retirement.

@RedHot22

If I could have it now, I would. But I cant, so will get the house/s when I can afford it.

As to why, I wont a house with decent amount of land and space. I dont need more than 3-4 bedrooms. But I dont want to see others or be seen.

And in the South East, you need at least £1.5m for that.

Agree with this, I don’t think the OP has an issue at all with the ‘forever home’ phrase at all, what they really have an issue with is people living in big houses which the OP can’t afford themselves

Yup clearly. My home is large and worth seven figures, staying in it doesn’t mean some poor family has to squeeze in some place tiny, waiting for me to vacate. Becayse I’m hogging it. What a ludicrous idea.

I own it. I will live in it as long as I bloody well please. 😂

Totally agree OP - I hate the expression! Doesn’t it also confer some sort of finality to your life? I would hope that there is still possibility / change out there that I can’t necessarily control at this point in the future. It keeps things interesting! Plus of course the practicalities you mention. I also find there’s a bit of smugness in the expression - I remember friends who moved into their “forever home” aged 27 in Tunbridge Wells that their parents had bought… I secretly eye rolled/smirked.

I hate the expression as I don’t like to limit myself. I always like to think anything is possible even though I’m quite a cautious 50 year old who has lived in their current house for 23 years!!!!

[quote MrsBison]@RedHot22

If I could have it now, I would. But I cant, so will get the house/s when I can afford it.

As to why, I wont a house with decent amount of land and space. I dont need more than 3-4 bedrooms. But I dont want to see others or be seen.

And in the South East, you need at least £1.5m for that.[/quote]
At least in surrey and sussex

Oh and my daughter comes home to stay with her partner, possibly at some point going forward there maybe grandkids, and I have friends come to stay regularly, sometimes there are a dozen of us here.

Why should I buy a small house which can’t accommodate this, and do a family out of a more affordable property when most likely can’t afford mine,

My next house will be my forever home....apart from our first house which was bought on a teeny and tight budget, every house we ever lived in was a find it quick because the company wanted my husband to move for his job...including two rentals. I am not moaning, we did very well, have lived in lovely houses in lovely places and been lucky in what we found but its always been what will do not what we want and there have always been bits I dislike....current house has a lovely not overlooked garden but a shared drive for instance. I won't downsize unless I have to but I'd like no stairs, my own drive and to be in a quieter area....so yes, I get the concept of forever home and if you don't like the phrase then tough!

@Tittyfilarious81

I don't say the phrase forever home ,but I can't see us ever moving , we bought a house big enough for our family but not so big that once the kids leave it's too big for us

That’s exactly us!

Most of the house we actually use is all on one level, Once my ds has left home If we didn’t need to use the rooms, it wouldn’t affect us in anyway

I do love a bit of country life property porn, but this house we have is so amazing, so very loved by us I can’t think we’ll ever find something we’d love more.

First thing I loved when looking at this place for the first time is that there is a lovely ramp to the front door - literally said 'ooo, that's nice' before I realized it's probably weird to say that about a ramp.

I said exactly the same thing, and also quickly identified where we could install a Stiltz lift. The saleswoman was slightly agog - my wife was pregnant with our first child at the time and whilst I'm older, I'm not that much older.

Nothing to do with 'forever' home, more that while my wife still thinks we're going to move up to a rural mansion somewhere in ten years, I recognise that we can barely afford a new build on an estate outside Manchester and our position is actually likely to get worse.

My parents lived in a huge house; my father refused to pay out for repairs. My mother would have loved to have moved to a bungalow, he wouldn’t.
They ended up using only 2 rooms whilst it dilapidated around them, it was cold and damp.
We are planning to move next year to somewhere that will be our last home until we die or need a nursing home. Our 3 bed semi will suit someone else I am sure; we hope to find a bungalow somewhere, close to shops etc where I have a small garden to potter in. We don’t particularly care where so are enjoying the search.

Yes! They do. And people forget we have a massive care problem in this country.