Do people who talk of a 'forever home' forget they are going to age?

[flashbac]

Who wants to rattle around in a family home when the kids have left and you can no longer do the stairs? Are people intending on hogging a home too big for their needs until they die or am I missing something?

What is a 'forever home'?

We have a 3 bed house and when DC leave I will move into one of their rooms- whichever is best sound-proofed from DH’s snoring, and we’ll have one spare room for visitors. It’s not a huge house and we’re not part of a swapping system with other families so we’re not hogging.

I think it’s a sweet phrase and am not offended by it; when someone I know says they’ve got/getting this I’m just happy for them.

YANnecessarilyBU however I voted YABU because of the “hogging” term - it put a jealous/nasty spin on your point and I disagree that anyone living in a house of any size that they’ve bought and can afford is “hogging” it in any way!! It’s theirs - they bought it.

Me and my partner are currently "hogging" a 4 bedroom house while not having any children.

I’ve heard many people say that it’s their kids home & they won’t sell. They’ll limp up the stairs in agony … just so that spoilt brat can get their inheritance.

Hogging
If I want to stay in the home I've paid for, looked after, decorated etc after my children leave home then I damn well will!

'Forever home' is indeed both a wanky and an unrealistic expression though. If I decide I want to move, I'll move. If I decide I want to stay put, I'll stay put. Who knows what will happen down the line? Nobody can predict the future.

It's called a "lifetime home" and has to meet 16 criteria

It's just an expression, I think it works fine. Ours is really (all being well) our "penultimate" home, since the plan would be to downsize to something small when kids are needing money to get on the ladder.

@3scape

It's called a "lifetime home" and has to meet 16 criteria

Interesting. What are the 16 criteria?

It's daft but I think it's used in relation to starter homes. In reality once your children have left home and by the time you enter your 70's you need to be actively considering access requirements, too many people insist on staying in houses too large with narrow doorways and staircases unable to take a stairlift then have illness or an accident and find themselves having to be moved by their children - take precautionary action!

Ours is a til the kids have left home house. We moved here with one son aged 2. Now we have two sons aged 5 and 8 and we will stay here until they're grown up and we can downsize again, all being well of course. We've had a garage conversion and an extension so we have 4/5 bedrooms which is plenty big enough and we could always extend further and get the loft converted if we needed more room. It's a lovely area and we have a big garden so we bought it with that in mind. We were very lucky that we bought when we did price wise.

I am not sure why you are upset at larger home owners OP.

You cant complain they are 'hogging' them if you aren't in a position to buy one if they were to sell.

And I guess you aren't in a position to buy one - otherwise you would have done and then wouldn't be complaining about people living in large homes.

We were lucky enough to buy in 1998 so could afford a house we could expand into. We raised the kids there and now it's just me. And yes, I expect that in the next 10 years or so I will sell up and downsize - but right now the youngest is only in the first year of Uni and they all still bounce back regularly. I've also fostered an extra one. By the time I move, I will have been in this house for 30+ years.

I'm quite looking forward to it though, I don't like the town I live in.

It's just a silly turn of phrase.

It doesn't mean the home owner will have to be dragged out kicking and screaming that they intended to die there at age 99.

And the idea of hogging homes - do you want to live in a command economy? People live where they can afford to. This is capitalism.

@flashbac

Who wants to rattle around in a family home when the kids have left and you can no longer do the stairs? Are people intending on hogging a home too big for their needs until they die or am I missing something? What is a 'forever home'?

Most retired people i know have big houses and no intention of moving. My grandparents "downsized" to a 4 bedroom, 4 bathroom, 4 reception room house with "only" an acre of land and a triple garage.

I always thought our home was our "lifetime" home - we've raised our family here, now are helping raise our grandchildren and it's the perfect location. We've been here 25 years.

What we didn't allow for is that twats that have moved in over the road a few years back and make life a constant misery with their noise So now we're trying to move but aren't ready to downsize. It's horrendous trying to find anywhere that's a patch on this house.

The last house my parents bought is their forever home. Although the house is probably bigger than there needs they always wanted to buy in the location and other houses are similar size. The house is easy to adapt if mobility becomes an issue etc.

We naively thought we would downsize when DCs started to leave home. We ended up extending! DCs have acquired partners, at some point we may be fortunate to have GCs. As they dont all live on our doorsteps we want them to have room to stay in comfort rather than sleeping on blow up beds in the sitting room.

I have never spent any longer than 7 years in a house. I was 7 when i left the house i was born in, since then i have had 21 houses and my feet are itchy again. The plan is to finally settle when i am 70.

@LadyWithLapdog

Art? Music? Study for private reading or calls or whatever? Just a different place to hang out?
Who would turn down an extra couple of rooms just because they don’t “need them” to survive?

Who doesn’t want to live as comfortably and spaciously as practical?

It’s all very well saying ‘downsize’ but unless you live somewhere rural, which isn’t a good idea, there’s always a compromise with privacy.

Are people intending on hogging a home too big for their needs until they die

'HOGGING?'
OP has a cheek.
We paid a mortgage for nearly 40 years for our 4 bed home and we're keeping it. It's ours.
If you want something similar, get on and do the same.

Even ‘forever’ homes aren’t necessarily big enough for a couple with dcs long flown to ‘rattle around’ in. People often want and need the extra room for frequent family visits.

And it doesn’t follow that just because you’re getting on a bit you won’t be able to manage stairs.
My DM was still well able to manage stairs when she finally moved to a care home at 89, because of dementia.

Moving to a no-stairs home well before it may be needed can be a cause of ‘bungalow knees’ - I.e, stairs help to keep you fit!

@Kendoddsdadsdogsdadsdead

I find it hilarious the way some people off mumsnet thinks everyone over a certain age, loses use of their legs. Like every older person in the world is doddering about with alzheimers.

We are in our 'forever' home, meaning we are going to be in it forever. Shock horror it has stairs. Wide and not very steep, so I'm hoping I can manage them in my older years.

If I'm anything like my 76 year old mum who lives in a 2nd floor flat and DH is like his 78 year old dad, who still climbs scaffolding to do DIY jobs, we'll be okay.

Not everyone turns 80 loses every single faculty.

Disability sometimes happens to young people. When we moved into our large 5 bed detached home, with our very young family. I didn’t dream I would be diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis. It was not practical for us to stay there, for so many reasons related to my disability. We are in a bungalow now.

@SparklyLeprechaun

It might be a bit of a misnomer, but what's this about "hogging a house"? I'm not hogging anything, I'll live in my own house for as long as I want and it's nothing to do with anyone else.

Yeah right, I was thinking that. If I’ve bought it I’ll stay as long as I want thanks very much.

You lost me at 'hogging a home'.