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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Annoyed by my friends comment tonight...

311 replies

Tomato345 · 30/11/2021 23:10

My best friend of 11 years and I occasionally have our disagreements but I love her like a sister, however a comment she made tonight has really pissed me off and has made her look like a snob imo.

We were with our kids, talking about different careers as we've both recently changed jobs, when her eldest son announced that he wanted to be a bin man when he's older. Friend turned to him and said "aim a little higher please" and started laughing. I made a comment about how bin men earn a pretty decent wage (in our area at least) and that the perks of working for the council, such as weekends off/decent pension etc are good. She was adamant that it's a shit job and that the only reason someone would do it is if they didn't have any qualifications. It certainly came across that she would be embarrassed if her son ever becomes one.

Her reaction was the same last year when her partner showed an interest in becoming a HGV driver, so it's not the first time this has happened. I'm not sure why it's got my back up, maybe because I use to be a delivery driver and now I work for a cleaning company, so I'm wondering what she thinks of me as I would say those types of jobs are linked. We both only want the best for our kids at the end of the day, but what's wrong with it if it makes someone happy and provides them a living? Perhaps I could understand her point if she was earning mega bucks herself, but she earns minimum wage, which is actually less than what a bin man earns...

A job is a job in my eyes, but I'm not sure if I'm being sensitive or not. After all, we're all allowed to have an opinion... so AIBU?

OP posts:

ufucoffee · 01/12/2021 07:19

Yanbu. Her opinion stinks. And this is the reason why so many young people think that any sort of manual job is beneath them now. My local council have said they are having trouble recruiting bin men, street cleaners, tip operatives etc because younger people don't want to take over the jobs.I can understand wanting your children to reach their potential but don't tell them that manual jobs like being a bin man is a terrible job because it isn't.

cherrytree63 · 01/12/2021 07:20

@ClaudiaJ1 different councils have different methods.
Where I live we the bin men walk along the street putting the wheelie bins on the tipper plate. Where my son works the residents leave their rubbish curbside in black bin bags. Some of the team run ahead and "lump" them in piles for the loaders to chuck in the back.
My son doesn't have to leave his cab but sometimes does to speed things up.
Tipping the lorry can take time, sometimes the queue can take an hour, sometimes he has to tip in the morning before going out.
No automated service anywhere I've lived!

JurgensCakeBaby · 01/12/2021 07:31

My DF worked in low paid manual jobs his whole life, having left school at 14 with no qualifications, he enjoyed working wasn't stressed but worked lots of overtime for the money 60 hour weeks + for most of his life. He always was adamant that DB and I should get an education/trade to give ourselves more choices. As long as we could support ourselves he'd be ok in the knowledge that we were five, but he wanted more than fine for us. I have a number of degrees and professional qualifications and a professional career, DB started out as a plumber, moved into a more specialist aspect and is now training to read and interpret blue prints etc to site/project manage. We both live comfortably, and are both fulfilled and stretched by our work. I wouldn't be by a job that was just the same every day and didn't require much intellectual challenge, so I wouldn't be satisfied working as a bin collector. I think it's ok to want more than the minimum for your children

WakeUpLockie · 01/12/2021 07:32

Binmen probably have an enviable work-life balance I would have guessed. Plus usually in good shape as a physical job. She's a snob!

WakeUpLockie · 01/12/2021 07:35

Also just seen that he's EIGHT. What a bloody misery guts she is.

WayneKorr · 01/12/2021 07:36

Of course not @RedHot22

CityMumma78 · 01/12/2021 07:37

YABU - bin men don’t require any qualifications and I would suggest my children aimed higher if that was all they aspired to!

BigYellowHat · 01/12/2021 07:45

I bet she’d be the first to whinge the next time the bin men go on strike. I’ll look out for her in the Daily Mail doing a sad face. She’ll probably wish her son still wanted to be one then 😂

BlueFlavour · 01/12/2021 07:52

But what are you all wanting your children to aspire to?

watchingrnfire · 01/12/2021 07:54

Yabu. When parenting your children, a job isn't a job, of course most parents would say aim higher, bin men isn't a career boasting prospect, I definitely would've treaded carefully around you since your in the cleaning job but I certainly would tell my child to aim higher and not let him grow up wanting to be a bin men. You said it, we want the best for kids, so the best in terms of career too.

BlueFlavour · 01/12/2021 07:58

So if you don’t want your child to be a bin man, what do you want them to be?

TrickyD · 01/12/2021 08:00

@BlueFlavour

But what are you all wanting your children to aspire to?

Something that involves using their intelligence rather than their physical ability.

watchingrnfire · 01/12/2021 08:01

Oh give over op! You aren't liking the way this is going so trying to add more negativity about your friend, don't be friends with her if you down want but don't come on here hoping everyone bashes her because she doesn't like hard intensive labour jobs! She had every right to say this or that job she doesn't want her partner/children doing, she knows they can do better and there's absolutely nothing wrong with that.

BrutusMcDogface · 01/12/2021 08:04

Aim higher?

How old is the child? If your little one said they wanted to be a fairy or a princess, would you tell them that was impossible?

Yanbu. It would have pissed me off, too.

BlueFlavour · 01/12/2021 08:05

Why @TrickyD?
Why is that perceived as ‘better’?

Ajl46 · 01/12/2021 08:05

@BlueFlavour

But what are you all wanting your children to aspire to?

A professional qualification of some kind.

Birdsnesting · 01/12/2021 08:06

@BrutusMcDogface

Aim higher?

How old is the child? If your little one said they wanted to be a fairy or a princess, would you tell them that was impossible?

Yanbu. It would have pissed me off, too.

I’d certainly tell my child to aim higher than being a princess.

beautifullymad · 01/12/2021 08:07

A colleague of mine youngest son was joining the police force. He weighed up the salary (£20,000), the commitment, the risk, the progression. He then decided to become an HGV driver.
He earns a starting salary of £40,000 which rises to £60,000 if he drive long haul through Europe.

He's young with no commitments and says he'll do it and save hard then go in a different direction career wise later.

Very sensible. It's decent money and will enable him to make better life choices.

BlueFlavour · 01/12/2021 08:08

But why?
Sorry! Just want to get to the bones of this.
We all have different abilities, and that’s ok, so why is being a bin man not something you want to dc to do, if they are quite happy doing it?

BlueFlavour · 01/12/2021 08:09

So there is more value in a professional qualification than a manual profession?
What is that value?

gettingolderandgrumpy · 01/12/2021 08:09

Oh come on it’s a child saying he wants to be a bin man probably because kids love the idea of driving big trucks at that age not thinking of the cold and it’s hard work . Hardly serious comment you always think your dc will be the next prime minister or a great doctor when they are young , obviously reality is different and as long as they are happy . I don’t think her comment is serious and I wouldn’t get annoyed about it imo .

muddyford · 01/12/2021 08:16

DH had a friend who was a binman, but he ended up as CEO of the biggest contract waste company in the region.

EmpressSuiko · 01/12/2021 08:19

I don’t look down on bin men, they work incredibly hard and it is not an easy job at all but when I think about my children’s futures I certainly hope they’ll have higher aspirations than that.

Crazycrazylady · 01/12/2021 08:21

Honestly a perfect normal light hearted comment. It feels like you are looking for something to be annoyed with your friend about to be honest .

Birdsnesting · 01/12/2021 08:29

@BlueFlavour

So there is more value in a professional qualification than a manual profession? What is that value?

I’m the daughter of a mechanic who specialised in big industrial stuff, and the DiL of a binman and a hospital cleaner — I can assure you that the ‘value’ lies in not having your health wrecked, especially as you age, by heavy and/or repetitive manual work.

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