Annoyed by my friends comment tonight...

[Tomato345]

My best friend of 11 years and I occasionally have our disagreements but I love her like a sister, however a comment she made tonight has really pissed me off and has made her look like a snob imo.

We were with our kids, talking about different careers as we've both recently changed jobs, when her eldest son announced that he wanted to be a bin man when he's older. Friend turned to him and said "aim a little higher please" and started laughing. I made a comment about how bin men earn a pretty decent wage (in our area at least) and that the perks of working for the council, such as weekends off/decent pension etc are good. She was adamant that it's a shit job and that the only reason someone would do it is if they didn't have any qualifications. It certainly came across that she would be embarrassed if her son ever becomes one.

Her reaction was the same last year when her partner showed an interest in becoming a HGV driver, so it's not the first time this has happened. I'm not sure why it's got my back up, maybe because I use to be a delivery driver and now I work for a cleaning company, so I'm wondering what she thinks of me as I would say those types of jobs are linked. We both only want the best for our kids at the end of the day, but what's wrong with it if it makes someone happy and provides them a living? Perhaps I could understand her point if she was earning mega bucks herself, but she earns minimum wage, which is actually less than what a bin man earns...

A job is a job in my eyes, but I'm not sure if I'm being sensitive or not. After all, we're all allowed to have an opinion... so AIBU?

[Cam2020]

I want my child to be happy. If that meant being a bin woman, so be it. I think having such a haughty attitude towards jobs could also lead to issues with children doing things to please their parents, rather than what makes them happy further along the line.

[TheUsualChaos]

The bin men round here have had an awful time the last couple of years, staff shortages, long hours, people complaining constantly.
Certainly not a job I would want for my children but assuming the child who made the comment is still pretty young, her response was a bit unnecessary. He may have a friend in school who's Dad is a bin man and repeat his mum's comments.

[Cocomarine]

[quote Tomato345]@Cocomarine I didn't say it directly to her child, I said it to her, he just happened to be in the room. [/quote]
Oh don’t be so obtuse!
He could hear you, and was listening or he wouldn’t have added his bin man career aspirations to your careers conversation!
So of course he could hear you talk about the pension.
So yes, you were contradicting her message to her child - and that would have irritated me if I were her.
Not the worst thing in the world, I wouldn’t dump your friendship over it… but I’d be irritated by you.

[Blooeyes]

I think you're being oversensitive because of your own insecurities about your job.

I'm sure the binmen wouldn't want their children to aspire to bring a binman either. It's not about any disrespect or looking down on people it's just a very hard, unpleasant job and I doubt it's very satisfying or fulfilling. Who would want that for their child?

In fact, I would say I respect the binmen more because I recognise what a hard job it is. I also wouldn't want my DC to be high flying businessmen but it's about quality of life, not disrespect.

[Cocomarine]

@Tomato345

She also knocked her partner back when he said he wanted to be a HGV driver and postman, so it's not just bin collectors that she disapproves of 🤷🏼‍♀️

You seem very sensitive.
Why are you concluding that she disapproves of HGV drivers and postmen any more than she does bin men?
There are so many reasons she might have suggested those weren’t the roles for him.
Conditions as an HGV driver are pretty shit.
Maybe he doesn’t like early mornings!
What does her boyfriend do now?

[Tomato345]

But you think laughing at a child when they express an interest in something is better? @Cocomarine

He is 8 and I'm sure will change his mind next week. My daughter wanted to be a princess last week and now doesn't want to work at all 😆Maybe I'm being sensitive, but I don't think her attitude is any better either...

[Tomato345]

Lots of deflecting here.. I actually enjoy my job, work with a great bunch of people and the hours aren't too bad either so definitely no insecurities on my end...

[Sweetchocolatecandy]

Kids change their mind all of the time about jobs they want to do when they are older so I’m not sure why your friend got so worked up about it. Also, isn’t being part of being a good parent erm supporting your children and their choices? Who is anyone to tell someone else that they shouldn’t do a particular job? For what it’s worth my mum was talked out of entering a certain type of employment in the public sector when she was younger and was constantly told she was ‘too good’ for it- she regrets it bitterly today that she didn’t pursue it (too late now).

[Tomato345]

It has absolutely nothing to do with early mornings or shit wages @Cocomarine - she made the exact same comment then too.

Her partner is a car valeter

[Numbertime]

I agree with you she’s a massive snob, I know plenty of young adults who have never worked or who are addicts, I’m just hoping that’s not the future for my children.

[Mamanyt]

First, how old is her son? If he's under 10, he'll run through a list of outlandish occupations. When my elder was 7, he wanted to be an Indian chief. When he was 6, he wanted to be a busboy (table clearing...dunno what you all call it). When he was 4, he wanted to be a fire truck. My answer to all of the above was, "Well, it's early days yet, you might find something you like better. But it's interesting, what do you think your days will be like?" That son is now 41 years old, and is an IT supervisor and Cloud Architect. He told me recently that he definitely remembers that I always treated his "aspirations" seriously and with respect, and thanked me.

[GreenLunchBox]

@LaurieFairyCake

I don't think it's that shit a job - there's so much worse than that

Retail and hospitality are MUCH worse than refuse collector as there's so little autonomy and you have to work face to face with the nobhead public

My bin men are great and have loads of autonomy and they're always having a great laugh - ditto my postie. Both jobs with loads of autonomy.

I'm intrigued how this autonomy manifests itself!

[BrilliantBetty]

YANBU. It's a job at the end of the day, it is highly unlikely the kid had thought that much in to it... but by making negative comments it's creating a 'we are better than that' narrative.

I'd have shrugged it off with, 'wow that would be an experience! and hard work. So would being a scientist or an XYZ.. lots to think about. Work hard and you'll have plenty of options'.

[Tomato345]

Her son is 8 @Mamanyt

How lovely of your son to say that

[Jengnr]

Well his job now is more shit than a bin man or an HGV driver. But none of those jobs are what I’d want for my kids long term.

Car valeting is terrible money. Bin man is unpleasant (albeit necessary) work, even if it is (currently) reasonably paid for unskilled work and HGV drivers work in horrible conditions and it isn’t very family friendly work.

I’d rather my kids worked in jobs they enjoyed, earned well enough to not have to struggle too hard and still have time for their partner and/or family.

[Jengnr]

Mind you, my daughter wants to be a tooth fairy so wtf do I know?

[Toohardtofindaproperusername]

yanbu. it's a shitty comment.

[GertietheGherkin]

@Tomato345

Lots of deflecting here.. I actually enjoy my job, work with a great bunch of people and the hours aren't too bad either so definitely no insecurities on my end...

But surely it's crossed your mind on more than one occasion that doing all of that above minimum wage would be more preferential?

[Tomato345]

Agree the work is unpleasant and physically demanding (as are many jobs), but my point is if the person is happy, enjoys it and earns enough to pay their bills.. then I really can't see the issue.

I've met people who earn a decent salary, work office hours, have weekends off etc.. job sounds great but their miserable...

[Tomato345]

Of course @GertietheGherkin, who doesn't want more money after all.. but happiness is important too. Who wants to spend 40 hours a week somewhere that makes them miserable?
I've been in jobs previously that paid better money than where I work now, but I use to dread going there every day and it gave me extreme anxiety!

[StillMedusa]

My dh is an HGV driver.
OK it's his second job after full time service in the RAF ..which sounded more impressive.
But... ok he works very long hours, but he's also very well paid! Earns more in a week than I do , part time in Education! My job sounds better. His pays better!!!

[Mamanyt]

@Tomato345

Her son is 8 *@Mamanyt*

How lovely of your son to say that

It took me a bit aback...didn't realize that he had even really taken note of it. But he did, and remembered.

If her son is eight, she need not worry. That "ambition" will change 100 times before he's nearly ready to make those decisions, and without her saying a word to make him doubt his choices...at this age.

[worriedatthemoment]

People always don't want their kids to do it but want someone elses
Personally I just want my kids to do a jib they enjoy as your a long time working and money isn't everything
My brother gave up a well paid skilled job to become a bin man a couple years ago and he loves it , my h more than his old career and my mums happy for him as he's happier
( also just bought his first house so not doing too bad as a bin man )

[Dancingonmoonlight]

YABU OP. Nobody hopes their children will become binmen. Your friend sounds honest and I think its a good thing she isn't skirting around issues in case she offends someone.

As for your comment about it being enough to enjoy the job. Do binmen enjoy their job? Would they continue to do it if they had other alternative options that paid the same?

[gofg]

I used to work for the business that employs bin men/women (not in the UK). They all seemed perfectly happy, I really don't think they were there because they couldn't find another job, and almost two years later several of them are still doing the job.

Your friend is a snob.