AIBU to think parents shouldn't get preferential treatment when it comes to time off work?

[KwestTurkey]

I just read an article on Facebook about this. A parent had asked a childfree colleague if she could have some of her saved holiday days and was refused (understandably).

That's obviously a CF request. But in general, what do you think about parents and holiday requests Vs childfree colleagues?

I don't believe parents should be given priority when it comes to time off on any holiday, be it summer or Christmas etc.. I think it should always, generally, work on a first come first served basis. The amount of times I was refused any sort of time off in the summer because every single parent in the office had booked off the summer and they were given first dibs on those dates used to annoy me.

I'm a parent now but my opinion hasn't changed on that. I think if someone childfree has gotten there with the request before you then that's tough.

Same with Christmas, if you work a job that requires Christmas working, I don't think it's fair to allow the same people off every Christmas year in year out.

It's definitely something I've experienced in my workplace before and after having DC and it feels very unfair.

I really don't think it's anyone elses responsibility to ensure you get time off during school holidays or things like Christmas and that a childfree colleague has as much right to book the time off as any parent.

So...

YANBU - parents shouldn't get preferential treatment or priority when it comes to time off work.

YABU - they should.

@KaycePollard

Presumably no one has to volunteer if it's errrr voluntary?

The work is not voluntary, as I said in my post above, these are required duties.

So the person who organises these events first of all asks for volunteers to do the Saturday work. Parents rarely offer, while those without children do. The parents tend to rely on this, and feel they're doing their "fair" share by doing these duties when they fall on an ordinary week day working day.

But it's not actually fair, and we've had to start to record how many Saturdays everyone is responsible for.

This is a terrible system which is obviously going to cause resentment. If you actually want everyone to do an equal number of Saturdays then have a rota. Don't pretend it's voluntary and then get angry at people for not reading your mind and knowing that they're supposed to volunteer

@PurpleDaisies so you are literally read the conclusion of my message and ignored everything else I said... I was literally talking about how we "volunteered" to let the military father's with kids have the leave when we didn't have kids and how we worked it out so everyone was happy when I worked in a restaurant I got Christmas off those who wanted to go out and party got new years eve off. So yes that it how I feel it should be, cos i tend to focus on the kids, I work with kids now. I prefer them to grown ups. Lol! so that is how my thinking goes. You are entitled to your own opinion, having children of my own hasn't made that my opinion, I have always felt that way.

When I wasn't a parent it pissed me off that I was supposed to prioritise the needs of colleagues who were parents over my own. Now that I am a parent I wouldn't dream of inflicting that on other people.

@CateJW “I was happy to do this and am now benefitting from it so I think this is how it should be even if others aren’t happy with it. They should just be happy with it, like I was.”

I think it's nice to allow colleagues with kids to have the half term breaks etc because parents are at the behest of school holidays and most childless adults are not. So what is the harm in taking your leave the week after half term so the parent in your team can have half term off.

Summer holidays are different , there are 6 weeks to play with so I'm sure everyone can work it out between them fairly.

Christmas, again surely it's a nice thing to do to let parents spend xmas with their kids? But it is the one time of year I just think you need to do first come, first served.

I am a parent, and I dont expect people to prioritise my time off, but I will make sure I get in there first and book my time off in school holidays and too bad if the childless parents weren't as organised as me .

Yes @Nidan2Sandan I don't think DPs should get priority, but if the system is such that those who get their holidays in first are those who get their choice of days, then surely the issue is with the system rather than DPs who get in early to ensure they are off at the same time as their DCs.

@AudacityBaby 🤣🤣 people on here, seriously!!
How am I benefitting from it now? I don't work there anymore. I am self employed and set my own hours.
My partner misses every other Christmas due to deployments. (He is in a different branch than when we were childless and there is no say on leave) that is still my opinion. You are entitled to your own. Jeez!

[quote CateJW]@AudacityBaby 🤣🤣 people on here, seriously!!
How am I benefitting from it now? I don't work there anymore. I am self employed and set my own hours.
My partner misses every other Christmas due to deployments. (He is in a different branch than when we were childless and there is no say on leave) that is still my opinion. You are entitled to your own. Jeez![/quote]
Doesn’t change the thrust of your view though does it? “I was happy to do it so everyone else should just be like me and be happy to do it.”

You’re entitled to your opinion but expecting others to be happy with something because you were is a bit self-centred.

@LivinginWFHlimbo

Not having appropriate childcare is a personal problem that can can taken into consideration but not at the expense of other people. I.e if your manager sympathises with your not having childcare that manager can swap shifts with you/take on your role responsibilities etc. It's not for your colleagues to pick up the proverbial slack. Your manager can't force someone without your issues/problems to cover for you all the time.

But this is just your opinion of how things should work. I actually agree with you that that's how it should work, but that isn't the law. It isn't discrimination if your manager denies you leave at a specific time because they give it to colleagues with children any more than it is if they deny you leave at a specific time for any other reason.

Technically it could be discrimination if someone was child free due to a disability and was being treated less favourably as a result.

Even if that wasn't the case, people could raise grievances on the basis of unfair treatment/bullying, which could ultimately lead to a claim for constructive dismissal

That's the problem, it isn't black and white at all so a manager playing favourites because someone has kids is not sensible

Order childfree people to get off a full bus and wait for the next one, because a parent needs to make that journey at that time? Make non-parents move their cars from full car-parks when a parent needs to park there for school/child-related purposes? Let parents (whether out with their kids or not) permanently jump the queues on the supermarket, so that childfree people are only finally allowed to pay for their shopping and get on with their day once every single parent in the shop has finished, because their lives are more important as they have children?

There’s a sign by the lifts in my local shopping mall saying “At busy times please give priority to the disabled and families with young children and pushchairs”. The first bit I get but why shouldn’t families with young children and pushchairs wait in line like everyone else?

@CounsellorTroi Agree. Leads to problems on buses with parents thinking they’re in the same category as wheelchair users. The increasing conflation of having a child (where neither parent nor child has a disability) and having a disability is really worrying to me.

Doesn't bother me. Now I no longer have young children to factor in I can take my holidays at times when it's cheaper and less crowded. The things I like to do as an adult at Christmas don't usually impact my work as they are at evenings and weekends. In the past I was very appreciative when I got time off in school holidays, and am happy to pay the perk forward.

"There are plenty of jobs out there where you can either work term-time only or find an employer that shuts down completely on the bank holidays."

I would love this!! But it's sadly not at all true. It's very difficult to get a job like this

I've never heard of parents being given preferencial treatment for holidays. In my over 20 years working,16 of them as parent. I have, however, taken full advantage of the first come first served rule and booked half-term and summer holidays we'll in advance. Usually as soon as available on my employer system. I think many parents do that as they can plan with their children's school calendar. So YABU for that reason. And if a colleague asks you for a swap you can always say no.

@CounsellorTroi

Order childfree people to get off a full bus and wait for the next one, because a parent needs to make that journey at that time? Make non-parents move their cars from full car-parks when a parent needs to park there for school/child-related purposes? Let parents (whether out with their kids or not) permanently jump the queues on the supermarket, so that childfree people are only finally allowed to pay for their shopping and get on with their day once every single parent in the shop has finished, because their lives are more important as they have children?

There’s a sign by the lifts in my local shopping mall saying “At busy times please give priority to the disabled and families with young children and pushchairs”. The first bit I get but why shouldn’t families with young children and pushchairs wait in line like everyone else?

Isn't there also escalators? I always thought signs like these were to encourage those who can to use them. I didn't think buggies are allowed on escalators

Christmas, again surely it's a nice thing to do to let parents spend xmas with their kids? But it is the one time of year I just think you need to do first come, first served.
Is it not 'a nice thing to do' to let (for example) my cousin's parents spend xmas with her as she lives overseas and only generally comes back for Christmas?
Or (for another example) my ex-boss spend Xmas with her mother when she was frail and didn't have many left?

First come, first served simply isn't fair. It's just a scrum.

There’s a sign by the lifts in my local shopping mall saying “At busy times please give priority to the disabled and families with young children and pushchairs”. The first bit I get but why shouldn’t families with young children and pushchairs wait in line like everyone else?

Isn't that just saying 'let people who can't use the stairs go first', which doesn't seem unreasonable?

Isn't there also escalators? I always thought signs like these were to encourage those who can to use them. I didn't think buggies are allowed on escalators

Escalators only up to the first floor shopping level. The lifts go up to the car parking level.

@HardbackWriter

There’s a sign by the lifts in my local shopping mall saying “At busy times please give priority to the disabled and families with young children and pushchairs”. The first bit I get but why shouldn’t families with young children and pushchairs wait in line like everyone else?

Isn't that just saying 'let people who can't use the stairs go first', which doesn't seem unreasonable?

It’s putting families with young children and pushchairs on the same level of need as people with disabilities, which I don’t think is right. Of course the lift should be available to families with young children and pushchairs but why should they get priority? Why shouldn’t they wait their turn?

How old is you DC op? And do you have a partner?
When they’re toddlers you can keep them in nursery during parts of the hols but when they’re in infant school you don’t have that luxury.

When you’re a lone parent to primary school kids, and you’ve no family support and there aren’t hol clubs running in the xmas hols what you you expect we do with our children whilst out at work?

It used to really bug me when people at work would try and get out of working Christmas with the line ohh but I have children! Well I had family that I wanted to spend Christmas with so I never understood why their wants trumped mine?now I have a baby and still feel the same. I will either work every other Christmas or change to a Monday to Friday job.

It’s putting families with young children and pushchairs on the same level of need as people with disabilities, which I don’t think is right. Of course the lift should be available to families with young children and pushchairs but why should they get priority? Why shouldn’t they wait their turn?

Because it's not logistically easy to get a pram up and down stairs. It's not about not wanting children to wait, otherwise it would say children under x age, but it specifies in prams because that's what makes it tricky. I suppose if you want to find outrage in anything could equate it to them comparing to disabilities, but that's a reach. Also doubtful they enforce it with an iron fist, more just a courteous request.

It’s putting families with young children and pushchairs on the same level of need as people with disabilities, which I don’t think is right. Of course the lift should be available to families with young children and pushchairs but why should they get priority? Why shouldn’t they wait their turn?
In this specific instance someone with a pram and someone in a wheelchair do have the same level of need for the lift though. Yes one of them, it serves them right, they did it to themselves and they should have thought about getting up and down stairs before they were so irresponsible. But if we assume that no one group in a shopping mall is more urgently in need of swapping floors than another, their need IS equal because they can't use the stairs.
Young children arguably can.

And it's always a PA way of saying if you don't NEED a lift, use the stairs.

I'd assume the priority is because the shopping centre don't want to deal with people falling down the stairs, especially not children... Bad for business...