AIBU to think parents shouldn't get preferential treatment when it comes to time off work?

[KwestTurkey]

I just read an article on Facebook about this. A parent had asked a childfree colleague if she could have some of her saved holiday days and was refused (understandably).

That's obviously a CF request. But in general, what do you think about parents and holiday requests Vs childfree colleagues?

I don't believe parents should be given priority when it comes to time off on any holiday, be it summer or Christmas etc.. I think it should always, generally, work on a first come first served basis. The amount of times I was refused any sort of time off in the summer because every single parent in the office had booked off the summer and they were given first dibs on those dates used to annoy me.

I'm a parent now but my opinion hasn't changed on that. I think if someone childfree has gotten there with the request before you then that's tough.

Same with Christmas, if you work a job that requires Christmas working, I don't think it's fair to allow the same people off every Christmas year in year out.

It's definitely something I've experienced in my workplace before and after having DC and it feels very unfair.

I really don't think it's anyone elses responsibility to ensure you get time off during school holidays or things like Christmas and that a childfree colleague has as much right to book the time off as any parent.

So...

YANBU - parents shouldn't get preferential treatment or priority when it comes to time off work.

YABU - they should.

@julieca as do I but unfortunately society as a whole doesn’t. If it did we’d get proper shared paternity and maternity leave. And we wouldn’t see mothers as default parent as often as we do. I have zero male friends that complain about the default parent issues and they all say they are babysitting rather then parenting. My husband wasn’t ever asked when he was returning to work or what childcare arrangements he was sorting after we had our children. All those questions were directed at me. And my 3 amazing stay at home dad friends were never welcomed into mum and baby groups and were absolute pariahs at swimming classes.

@slashlover you are very wrong. I’m not going to explain why to you. I really want you think about it yourself.

@SouthernMamma

It's not a personal choice whether to have children, like deciding whether to have a conservatory done. We are biologically determined to do this, just like as if we were aardvarks or peacocks. We're animals!

That's quite a disingenuous statement imo.

Of course most people (or women, at any rate) feel the biological urge to have children at some point, and of course the desire is innate. But the actual decision of whether to go ahead and have them involves conscious thought in most cases.

You sound like you're suggesting the childless should accommodate parents simply because parents have done as biology told them.

@AudacityBaby

Aw *@housemaus* that’s not very kind of you! Remember us lesser beings need to be nice and kind and considerate and kind and thoughtful and not mean and nice and kind and kind and

I know, I know, I'm sorry. It's my feckless lack of child-rearing responsibility, it makes me selfish.

[quote sarralim]@slashlover you are very wrong. I’m not going to explain why to you. I really want you think about it yourself.[/quote]
So you're saying you had kids to benefit an already overpopulated society?

@frogswimming

I think the summer and Easter holidays are long so there should not be an issue, everyone should be able to take the time off they want and negotiate like reasonable adults.

For Christmas Day, I do think non parents should give parents priority. Christmas morning is special for children who still believe in Father Christmas. I'd judge non parents who wouldn't make allowances if that meant they were denying young children one Christmas morning that magic for one of the few years it matters. Non parents can have a special day with their loved ones anytime over the two weeks of Christmas. They are adults who can rationalise. Childcare is available for other days not on Christmas days. I'd just think they were selfish and miserable for not being accommodating. It doesn't affect me as workplace closed over Christmas but that's what i'd think.

I grew up with a dad who worked as a prison officer. He worked every second Christmas. Didn't miss the magic of Christmas at all. My parents worked the magic of Christmas around his shifts. I certainly wasn't scarred for life.

It was a matter of fact for him to work sometimes on christmas.

If you are in a job that is 24/7 then you know you will have some Christmas days where you are working. You shouldn't expect others to work these days so you can have them all off.

Where does it stop! What about someone who doesn't have children but is a devout Christian? Should they get priority over parents?

I worked somewhere that gave parents first dibs of school holidays and thought it was really unfair. I used to go on holiday to help with my nephews during school hols so it meant I struggled to get the time off.

Now I'm a parent myself I still agree holidays should be shared equally. Not every non-parent will want time off in school hols but some will.

Mirw
I dont think 'most' parents expect anything of the sort, that is a huge generalisation

No, their choice to have children. I would be happy to do year about though.

Simply put they shouldn't.
I have never worked for a company that gives preferential treatment to parents over non parents.

I have experienced plenty of childless colleagues offering to work over school holidays to allow parents take that time off which I thought was very generous

This is hard one, as no parents shouldn't get priorty. But around Christmas is difficult for us, as we don't live close to any relatives, to help with childcare, but me and my Oh, work in retail, do you cannot book time off around Christmas, so then we are stook for the week in between Christmas and New year as we have to work, but our child minder didn't work, from Christmas Eve, till the new year. So juggling who looked after our son was akward. Luckily he is older now, as the MIL, is having memory loss problems and the FIL, has health issues. My mum has had to give up driving, due to suddenly loosing feeling in her hands, without any warning.
So it can be hard to find childcare over the Christmas period, so I can understand it around Christmas.

For me, one of the upsides of not having children is that I don't have to consider them in my planning of what I do and where I go. So the idea that I have to factor in someone else's children when requesting annual leave so as not to be 'mean' is, frankly, laughable.

No they shouldn't get priority but there certainly should be better childcare options the week between Christmas and New year. Not a single nursery or holiday club is open around here (all nurseries are 49-49.7 weeks a year) and childminders are rarer than rocking horse shit. If you do get a childminder some of them don't work 24th - 2nd. And babysitters are scarce too, plus the 2 I've used from an agency have been unreliable. I'm not sure how many people can afford a nanny just for the sake of 1 week a year!

@HaaaaaveyoumetTed

No they shouldn't get priority but there certainly should be better childcare options the week between Christmas and New year. Not a single nursery or holiday club is open around here (all nurseries are 49-49.7 weeks a year) and childminders are rarer than rocking horse shit. If you do get a childminder some of them don't work 24th - 2nd. And babysitters are scarce too, plus the 2 I've used from an agency have been unreliable. I'm not sure how many people can afford a nanny just for the sake of 1 week a year!

Perhaps childminders, nursery and holiday club staff don’t work between Christmas and NY as they too would like some time off work.

@senorafridgidaire

For me, one of the upsides of not having children is that I don't have to consider them in my planning of what I do and where I go. So the idea that I have to factor in someone else's children when requesting annual leave so as not to be 'mean' is, frankly, laughable.

Yes. This.

Childminders, nursery and afterschool workers unless very young, often have their own children.

@sammylady37

The fact of the matter is that working parents work harder than most and given they exist on a constant treadmill with their kids…

The fact of the matter is that your first claim is not factual at all. And if life is such a ‘constant treadmill’ the fact is that it is that way because they chose to be a parent. They chose to get on that treadmill. That’s a lifestyle choice. I don’t expect parents or anybody else to facilitate my lifestyle choices at their expense and I don't expect to have to facilitate anyone else’s lifestyle choices at my expense.

Yeah but yeah but parents choose to have kids for us selfish childless/free people and we should be grateful they are so selfless!

When I was single I happily gave up holidays (happily because the office was dead then and very relaxed) so my co-worker could spend the time with her adult children and grandchildren. My children are grown now so it’s not an issue (was sahm) but I would expect the same consideration as I would feel like I ‘paid my does’.

*dues!

@JazzyBBG

Hmmm on the fence here as a parent, you have to accept to a degree that people will want that time off at certain ages. Equally as someone who pays for a lot of childcare in holidays it shouldn't be all the time. But what I don't understand is why people without kids would want to take holiday when the kids are off! I'd be avoiding it like the plague ;)

Well being married to a teacher meant I did pre children!

Now I have DC I still want holiday time off. I work for the NHS so have to work bank holidays too. Luckily all annual was open to everyone at any time and we were expected to compromise for popular times and take turns.

No parent has the right to claim certain holidays just because they have dc, other people's requests are just as important what ever their reasons.

I agree there is a huge lack of school holiday provision and understand there are circumstances where families may not have relatives nearby who can help in school holidays (myself included) or single parent households where one parent has to manage around term times on their own. Obviously we all have different circumstances but to answer the OP’s question- do I think it’s fair for people with children to have preferential leave over non-parents? No I don’t. What I think is cheeky is that some parents just assume they can take it without any regard for others. I understand it’s the only time families with school age children can go away on holiday etc but if a non-parent colleague tried to book off several weeks in the summer it would probably viewed (at least in my workplace) as selfish. Yet some parents do it and no one bats an eyelid.

I have small children and do not agree that I should get priority at Christmas - I think it should be shared. You don't know what someone has going on in their lives.

Christmas is a pain though when you have kids because there aren't many clubs for them at that time. Equally though it must be a pain if you need/want to travel to family and only have the two days to go and come back.

I actually need more time off and flexibility for my elderly dad than I do my DC, he has appointments, crises and needs (dementia) which infiltrate into my working day more than my DC do.

Perhaps childminders, nursery and holiday club staff don’t work between Christmas and NY as they too would like some time off work.

Well yes, but something is needed to facilitate parents working between Christmas and New year!

@BoredZelda

I personally think this is really cheeky and unfair.

So what exactly do you suggest I do with my disabled daughter for 13 weeks of school holidays when there is little to no provision for kids like her in my area during school holidays? I use family for 4 of those weeks which leaves 9 weeks for my husband and I to cover with our 10 weeks of holiday between us. That’s not including they days off we have to take to cover appointments, therapies etc with her. We can’t use parental leave as we need to keep that for her hospital stays.

Sometimes that means I have to take 3 separate weeks during the summer holidays. But if you have another solution I’d love to hear it.

Sure I chose to have a child, but I never thought there would be a lack of school holiday provision. Many people have found the same thing for non disabled kids due to budget cuts in local authorities and the hideous cost of private childcare options over the holidays.

I agree there is a huge lack of school holiday provision and understand there are circumstances where families may not have relatives nearby who can help in school holidays (myself included) or single parent households where one parent has to manage around term times on their own. Obviously we all have different circumstances but to answer the OP’s question- do I think it’s fair for people with children to have preferential leave over non-parents? No I don’t. What I think is cheeky is that some parents just assume they can take it without any regard for others. I understand it’s the only time families with school age children can go away on holiday etc but if a non-parent colleague tried to book off several weeks in the summer it would probably viewed (at least in my workplace) as selfish. Yet some parents do it and no one bats an eyelid.

@gettingolderandgrumpy

I never said they have to pick up the slack and I said that that it should be first come first served as I’ve always done but sometimes employers go well we need to check what everyone wants to do at Christmas first . Why ? I’ve asked first sorry if we ask the rest of my child free colleagues If they’d like Christmas off when they hadn’t even thought about it but I have in September so I can sort childcare. Sorry but I’ve done all this for years and people with no children always feel hard done by only because they’ve got to December and gone hang on I’d like to be off now it’s not fair just because you have children . If you’ve booked the time off first no issue. And please when did I even say be kind ? .

You sound very selfish and entitled