AIBU to think parents shouldn't get preferential treatment when it comes to time off work?

[KwestTurkey]

I just read an article on Facebook about this. A parent had asked a childfree colleague if she could have some of her saved holiday days and was refused (understandably).

That's obviously a CF request. But in general, what do you think about parents and holiday requests Vs childfree colleagues?

I don't believe parents should be given priority when it comes to time off on any holiday, be it summer or Christmas etc.. I think it should always, generally, work on a first come first served basis. The amount of times I was refused any sort of time off in the summer because every single parent in the office had booked off the summer and they were given first dibs on those dates used to annoy me.

I'm a parent now but my opinion hasn't changed on that. I think if someone childfree has gotten there with the request before you then that's tough.

Same with Christmas, if you work a job that requires Christmas working, I don't think it's fair to allow the same people off every Christmas year in year out.

It's definitely something I've experienced in my workplace before and after having DC and it feels very unfair.

I really don't think it's anyone elses responsibility to ensure you get time off during school holidays or things like Christmas and that a childfree colleague has as much right to book the time off as any parent.

So...

YANBU - parents shouldn't get preferential treatment or priority when it comes to time off work.

YABU - they should.

Yep. This is my experience too. Parents book early to ensure they have holidays then when non parents try to book last minute they complain they can’t get the days they want

Yes I had this a couple of times and both times my boss said she would start allocating holiday differently and I thought why should I be punished for someone else's lack of organisation. In fact on one occasion my colleagues' parents had booked a trip for her. Well that's very nice, but if you know your daughter works you need to check when she can take holiday, not just book it! Anyway we both took the time as it was a quiet time of year but it wasn't an ideal situation.

Christmas is for family not just kids.

YANBU OP.

@BoredZelda precisely. The only contention appears to be Christmas so that has to be worked around but in general parents are well organised and book their holidays in early as they know precisely when they can and can’t take them.

Definitely not!
As a parent of (now grown up) children, I worked in the NHS when they were growing up and had to get in quick if I wanted any holidays during school breaks and if I want quick enough I knew I'd have to make arrangements for them to be covered by my partner, holiday clubs etc.
I believe that anyone having children should take into consideration that children get 13 weeks worth of holidays each year whereas parents (other than those working in education) generally get between 6 and 7 (including Bank Holidays), so unless the parents are happy to never have time of together (and that's only possible if they can both get their breaks during school breaks which isn't always possible), they will need reliable alternative cover, whether that be family or paid for provision.
I used to use the Busy Bees Voucher System when my youngest was in primary school and needed our of school hours cover and I also factored all the school holidays and the cost of using the holiday club into the cost and spread it across the whole year to make the summer holidays the same price as the rest of the year.
Now, being without school-aged children, I don't work but even if I did work, I much prefer to take my holidays when there are no little brats
darlings around, so that I can have a peaceful, enjoyable holiday without screaming kids.

I'm always happy to work christmas and don't take holidays in the school holidays because of the scrum and the expense so yes I'm happy to give them the time off.
I think christmas is really important for those with children.
I don't celebrate xmas and my DS is grown up so its no skin off my nose as long as they ask nicely.

@Badunkadunk

We all know that parents of school-aged kids have constraints as to when they can and can’t take holidays and yes, I think childfree colleagues should be mindful of that. At any rate, holidays outside of school holidays are cheaper so why could possibly be their beef. If any childfree folk have an issue with that I’ll just remind them who’ll be paying the taxes to ensure their arses are wiped in the care home.

Such a nasty attitude

With the exception of Christmas which absolutely should be shared equally and not first come, first served I think other hols should be first come. As parents we tend to be more organised as we have to arrange childcare around the rest of our days off. I've worked with people who get annoyed that the busy weeks get booked up when they try and book 2/3 months before.

I have a family member who can never take a the week of her sons birthday off as another staff member always wanted it off. Even if she said 'can I have the year after then?' She was told no. This wasn't about childcare though, it was the staff members birthday the same week so she always wanted the week off. Its got to be fair.

@speakout

What's wrong with that comment?! Because the OP is part of the human race too. Witout parents work and workplaces would not exist. Having chidrern from a human societal point of you is not like owning a dog. It is essential for the continuation of our species- whether or not you think that is good thing it is not a lifestyle choice.

I don't think parents should be given preferential hoiliday choices or working hours, but to say that having a child is a choice is is in danger of disadvantaging those who do.
Without babies there would be no society, no workplaces, no work.

Speakout...with all due respect, there are currently something like 7 billion people on this planet...it is quite obvious by the collapsing environment, diminishing resources and our infringement on other species' habitats that we are most certainly bursting at the seems population-wise. Really appreciate the selfless decision to have children to help further humanity...but it seems the world has much bigger problems, than lack of reproducing.

Also the argument could be made that I'm 100% sure all these parents are not giving birth to future caretakers and otherwise essential individuals...there are bound to be a few freeloaders, criminals and other parasitic individuals mixed in there, so the whole "MY children are YOUR future" argument is pretty weak.

And all those saying Christmas is for kids, seem to forget that for some it is a religious occasion.

I think the summer and Easter holidays are long so there should not be an issue, everyone should be able to take the time off they want and negotiate like reasonable adults.

For Christmas Day, I do think non parents should give parents priority. Christmas morning is special for children who still believe in Father Christmas. I'd judge non parents who wouldn't make allowances if that meant they were denying young children one Christmas morning that magic for one of the few years it matters. Non parents can have a special day with their loved ones anytime over the two weeks of Christmas. They are adults who can rationalise. Childcare is available for other days not on Christmas days. I'd just think they were selfish and miserable for not being accommodating. It doesn't affect me as workplace closed over Christmas but that's what i'd think.

@Shehasadiamondinthesky what a lovely sentiment

Julieca, I agree. Where I live there is a chronic shortage of butt wipers...I do not know where this idea comes from that they are "ALL giving birth to selfless, hard working individuals who will be wiping everyone's ass someday, so no childless ppl should be allowed to have a life."

@frogswimming what about those few who are religious? Kids can have a Christmas celebration another day, if you are a strong Christian that day is very special.
Also when I lived alone in a bedsit in my early twenties, no way would I have stated in a job where I couldn't have Christmas day off and travel to my parents house. I would have felt unbearably lonely going back to a bedsit after a day at work on Christmas Day.

I was a child whose dad worked some Christmas Days. It didn't really matter to me. He didn't work the whole day say 18 hours after all. We just opened presents early before he went, and then had a late Xmas dinner, It was fine for me as a kid.

For Christmas Day, I do think non parents should give parents priority. Christmas morning is special for children who still believe in Father Christmas. I'd judge non parents who wouldn't make allowances if that meant they were denying young children one Christmas morning that magic for one of the few years it matters.

You can get to fuck with your judgement.
Christmas morning matters for other people too. And as some have said on here, as kids they weren’t that bothered if their parent wasn’t there anyway.

@Ciaobaby92

Julieca, I agree. Where I live there is a chronic shortage of butt wipers...I do not know where this idea comes from that they are "ALL giving birth to selfless, hard working individuals who will be wiping everyone's ass someday, so no childless ppl should be allowed to have a life."

Yep. Most people do not want to work as a care worker. And until recently it was women abroad raising our future bum wipers.

@frogswimming

I think the summer and Easter holidays are long so there should not be an issue, everyone should be able to take the time off they want and negotiate like reasonable adults.

For Christmas Day, I do think non parents should give parents priority. Christmas morning is special for children who still believe in Father Christmas. I'd judge non parents who wouldn't make allowances if that meant they were denying young children one Christmas morning that magic for one of the few years it matters. Non parents can have a special day with their loved ones anytime over the two weeks of Christmas. They are adults who can rationalise. Childcare is available for other days not on Christmas days. I'd just think they were selfish and miserable for not being accommodating. It doesn't affect me as workplace closed over Christmas but that's what i'd think.

Frogswimming. My elderly mother lives for Christmas with her children, it is the only time she gets us all together. I guess she should be "denied the magic" by your reasoning...

@julieca it’s called reality. If people want to make things so awkward for working parents that they either choose to bow out of the work place or having kids that’s fatal for an (ageing) society in terms of tax receipts, both today and in the future. The fact of the matter is that working parents work harder than most and given they exist on a constant treadmill with their kids it’s a pretty miserly person who would seek to make family holidays harder for them to achieve. And for the avoidance of doubt, I really don’t care what strangers on social media think of my views.

@Badunkadunk you think every parent is going to leave the workplace if they cant get Christmas Day off?

I cant say I have noticed either parents or non-parents working harder, it is very much down to the individual.

For Christmas Day, I do think non parents should give parents priority. Christmas morning is special for children who still believe in Father Christmas. I'd judge non parents who wouldn't make allowances if that meant they were denying young children one Christmas morning that magic for one of the few years it matters.

You can judge all you damn well like. My life choices are no less valid than yours.

I see a few of my colleagues have entered the chat! Hi!

It’s quite clear that a fair number of you consider that the world belongs to parents, and the purpose of childless people is to be handmaidens to whatever you want.

You know fine well that no employer would risk asking if you need to have adjustments made for your children, because it’s discrimination. Instead, you accept jobs knowing that you’ll have to work shifts that aren’t convenient, and then you foist that on your colleagues, who are paid the same as you to have less good T&Cs.

And if you’re questioned, you cite the need to ensure women can still work, the need for the nation to have people, the need for everyone to be kind to you because you, unlike them,
are special. You have fulfilled your biological destiny.

Thank you to every person on this thread who isn’t a selfish self-centred person. Sadly there aren’t enough of you, and it makes me so angry that I’ll always be considered a second class citizen by so many people.

@biscuitsforcheese 🤣🤣🤣 presume you were never a child either that needed anyone to look after you? Wow you sound very bitter .

[quote Badunkadunk]@julieca it’s called reality. If people want to make things so awkward for working parents that they either choose to bow out of the work place or having kids that’s fatal for an (ageing) society in terms of tax receipts, both today and in the future. The fact of the matter is that working parents work harder than most and given they exist on a constant treadmill with their kids it’s a pretty miserly person who would seek to make family holidays harder for them to achieve. And for the avoidance of doubt, I really don’t care what strangers on social media think of my views.[/quote]
Funny you say that...it's often the childless workers I see staying late and working extra shifts for the parents who have to take a ton of time off for child-related issues. Where I work, the ppl who work harder to help you take care of YOUR kids are truly the heroes and not the other way around.

@AudacityBaby

I see a few of my colleagues have entered the chat! Hi!

It’s quite clear that a fair number of you consider that the world belongs to parents, and the purpose of childless people is to be handmaidens to whatever you want.

You know fine well that no employer would risk asking if you need to have adjustments made for your children, because it’s discrimination. Instead, you accept jobs knowing that you’ll have to work shifts that aren’t convenient, and then you foist that on your colleagues, who are paid the same as you to have less good T&Cs.

And if you’re questioned, you cite the need to ensure women can still work, the need for the nation to have people, the need for everyone to be kind to you because you, unlike them,
are special. You have fulfilled your biological destiny.

Thank you to every person on this thread who isn’t a selfish self-centred person. Sadly there aren’t enough of you, and it makes me so angry that I’ll always be considered a second class citizen by so many people.

Yes but...their children will be wiping my ass and paying my bills someday 😁

Can someone kindly forward me the names and numbers of those slated to do this, so that I can collect my reward when the time comes?

I don’t think people should have priority over annual leave dates “just because” they have children.

However I do think work places should be flexible and supportive of those who have caring responsibilities (be that children, disabled partners, elderly relatives etc) to some extent.

It’s never been an issue anywhere I have worked.

Do you work somewhere with a high proportion of parents with young children?