AIBU to think parents shouldn't get preferential treatment when it comes to time off work?

[KwestTurkey]

I just read an article on Facebook about this. A parent had asked a childfree colleague if she could have some of her saved holiday days and was refused (understandably).

That's obviously a CF request. But in general, what do you think about parents and holiday requests Vs childfree colleagues?

I don't believe parents should be given priority when it comes to time off on any holiday, be it summer or Christmas etc.. I think it should always, generally, work on a first come first served basis. The amount of times I was refused any sort of time off in the summer because every single parent in the office had booked off the summer and they were given first dibs on those dates used to annoy me.

I'm a parent now but my opinion hasn't changed on that. I think if someone childfree has gotten there with the request before you then that's tough.

Same with Christmas, if you work a job that requires Christmas working, I don't think it's fair to allow the same people off every Christmas year in year out.

It's definitely something I've experienced in my workplace before and after having DC and it feels very unfair.

I really don't think it's anyone elses responsibility to ensure you get time off during school holidays or things like Christmas and that a childfree colleague has as much right to book the time off as any parent.

So...

YANBU - parents shouldn't get preferential treatment or priority when it comes to time off work.

YABU - they should.

I’m on the fence. The school holidays are the only time the government will allow me to take a holiday with my kids so obviously I want to take time off work then. If I take holiday during term time I still have to get up in the morning for school and only have a few hours until the kids are home again. In addition, if I don’t have any leave during the holidays then my kids don’t have any kind of holiday either. They have to go to holiday playscheme (at school) for 9am and I have to pay £90 a day.

August is always bloody raining anyway and everything costs twice as much. When my kids are bigger I will never take a holiday in August ever again.

But do I think I should have priority over my non parent coworkers for school holiday… no.

A certain airline assign their employees to one of 3 groups. These groups are rotated every year so every three years you have to work at Christmas etc. No exceptions. Great idea and fair to everyone

Interesting. I was a parent, and am now a parent of older children.

As I remember, life is so intricately awkward in so many ways as a parent of primary school children.

Firstly pick ups, drop offs, wraparound care. School holiday childcare.

Then there's the general point that you can only go away on hols or family visits during school holidays, as you risk legal action for taking them outside those dates.

And on top of that, if you're working full time, your life is as close to the edge with stress as I could imagine.

Now I'm older I would end over backwards to support working parents. They are already doing two full time jobs.

I'm more than happy to pitch in over summer and Christmas to help working parents who are trying to juggle Father Christmas, family gifts, full time work, school concerts etc etc.

I think my work is as fair as they can be.
We get asked what shifts we want to work at Christmas but it must include part if Christmas day ( or night) and New years Eve and NY day. Everyone works a bit if something. Those with kids tend to pick up New year shifts and those without tend to do Christmas it is generally a shorter shift than usual.
With holidays it is generally a first come first served but if one person keeps picking a popular week, eg last week in May, that will be shared out so others get a turn to have it off.
I think its pretty reasonable.

I personally think its tough shit. Children are people aswell and deserve family time with their parents.. anybody think about that?!

@greendiva

I think you people without family or caring commitments can suck it up.

Nope sorry not sucking it up for 50+ years so entitled people like you can take the piss, thank you very much. But I really hope you arent raising your children to have such an attitude!

@RachaelN

I personally think its tough shit. Children are people aswell and deserve family time with their parents.. anybody think about that?!

Yes and as my parents child I totally deserve time with them you are right

YANBU parents shouldn’t get preferential treatment, but neither should anyone else. First come first served is not fair either, rota if it’s a problem.

And for all those citing "equality", there are different ways of looking at it.

Equality is a flawed concept. It does nothing to make provision for people whose needs are greater or different.

I prefer "Equity" which means bringing people to the same level, which may mean offering special provision for those who have greater needs. I think parents of young children fit that category.

Lol Us child free folks also have extended family and friends of school age/ teachers we might like to spend time with 😉

@JazzyBBG

Hmmm on the fence here as a parent, you have to accept to a degree that people will want that time off at certain ages. Equally as someone who pays for a lot of childcare in holidays it shouldn't be all the time. But what I don't understand is why people without kids would want to take holiday when the kids are off! I'd be avoiding it like the plague ;)

The summer Hollidays span July and August, notably the best months for weather and also many UK events.

The summer holidays is also a less busy time for many companies so a good opportunity for a break when it's less busy.

Also what about teachers without children

Holiday should be on a first come first served basis, most parents I work with are pretty organised so not really an issue and on occasion I'd happily swap.

@RachaelN
I personally think its tough shit. Children are people aswell and deserve family time with their parents.. anybody think about that?

I don't see how or why it's my problem and have to make my plans round other people personal circumstances . Sacrificing my plans and holidays because the people I work with have kids bang out of order.

And yes I have 2 kids and we both worked when they were young (including christmas and the odd christmas day) . I'm not that entitled to thing everyone should fit round me .

I agree with you. As a mum and the only one on my office with school aged children I am one of those who needs holidays off. I make sure I booked the year in advance to ensure I get these days. However, should I not organise myself and find someone else without kids or family has got there first then tough for me. I haven’t got any time off over Christmas because I wasn’t in work when Christmas leave got released. It’s unfortunate but I’m not about to expect them to cancel someone else’s to accommodate mine!

[quote biscuitsforcheese]@greendiva

I think you people without family or caring commitments can suck it up.

Nope sorry not sucking it up for 50+ years so entitled people like you can take the piss, thank you very much. But I really hope you arent raising your children to have such an attitude![/quote]
Indeed. On threads here about parenthood, the mummy martyrs often talk about how selfless they have to be as a parent, and how it’s made them a better person etc. And then I see comments like the above and wonder how awful must they have been before becoming a parent if this is the better version of them?!

I prefer "Equity" which means bringing people to the same level, which may mean offering special provision for those who have greater needs

And if that provision actually means dragging other people down?

Ultimately everyone has the right to a family life, whether family is children, a partner, your parents or sibling, or the friends you choose as family.

Whilst people with young children may need special arrangements when working those arrangements include childcare options.

Someone's ability to procreate does not outweigh my right to have some family time.

I, and many others without children, on this thread have pointed out that we are flexible, we will step in when necessary, we will go the extra mile. But the reality is some people on this thread have a very entitled attitude to that. They think they get to demand certain time off and everyone else has to lump it.

Thats not equity, thats entitlement. There is a difference between asking and demanding.

Yes, think if you read my post you'd see why I said mothers, or do men do the equal load of childcare, sick days, looking, planning childcare, paying for childcare? Sacrificing earning potentially, being overlooked for promotion, hold on aren't the Majority of single parents also mothers oh yes! hence why I said mothers.... be great if the burden was shared wouldn't it, I completely agree. Sadly it isn't or maybe you're living in some utopian parallel universe? Can I come too?

We all know that parents of school-aged kids have constraints as to when they can and can’t take holidays and yes, I think childfree colleagues should be mindful of that. At any rate, holidays outside of school holidays are cheaper so why could possibly be their beef. If any childfree folk have an issue with that I’ll just remind them who’ll be paying the taxes to ensure their arses are wiped in the care home.

Childcare is very expensive. We all benefit from having children in the community. They will grow up and work when we are retired, thus continue to be paying money into society whilst we are not.
I don’t want to be on Holliday during peak school holidays. I don’t want weeks or even one week off at Christmas ( would rather take leave at other times of the year. )
I am more than happy for parents to take their holidays at peak times and I will fit around.
I do, though , think school summer holidays should be reduced to two weeks and pupils can take other leave throughout the year. Teachers too.

To people who say - it’s your choice to have kids not others - that is correct. So what happens to the world if we decide to stop having children because it’s just too inconvenient.

World wouldn’t get very far very quick (China is currently having this issue, so will the UK if millennials don’t start thinking about baby’s soon). So, for fuelling the need for children so the economy can run as. Give the parents priority on holidays. It’s a small price to pay.

Just my thoughts.

@badunkadunk

Plenty of people on this thread have given reasons for why childfree people might like holidays in the summer

And as my taxes are paying for the education of your precious little darlings you can fuck right off with your passive aggressive comments about your children paying taxes

Childfree people do not equal second class citizens and most of us are mindful about the holidays we take, mindful but with our own lives to live

Of course things have to be fair..., but equally unfair is that parents of school age children can ONlY have holidays with their children during school holidays when the prices are always elevated. I'd say get off your high horse and try and work things out reasonably

It's not a personal choice whether to have children, like deciding whether to have a conservatory done. We are biologically determined to do this, just like as if we were aardvarks or peacocks. We're animals!

It depends. As a parent, I genuinely need Christmas off.
School is closed, nurseries and childminders are closed, I’m a single parent and work in the NHS.
As much as I’d love to, I can’t afford a nanny for the duration of the Christmas holidays.
I can manage for a week using friends but no more than that really.
I’d have to take unpaid leave otherwise

@notjustyoga

*Give the parents priority on holidays. It’s a small price to pay.

Just my thoughts.*

No

Just my thoughts

Absolutely YANBU.

Just because someone has kids does not give them any right to preferential treatment. These are choices they have made external to work and it should in no way impact others at work.