AIBU to think parents shouldn't get preferential treatment when it comes to time off work?

[KwestTurkey]

I just read an article on Facebook about this. A parent had asked a childfree colleague if she could have some of her saved holiday days and was refused (understandably).

That's obviously a CF request. But in general, what do you think about parents and holiday requests Vs childfree colleagues?

I don't believe parents should be given priority when it comes to time off on any holiday, be it summer or Christmas etc.. I think it should always, generally, work on a first come first served basis. The amount of times I was refused any sort of time off in the summer because every single parent in the office had booked off the summer and they were given first dibs on those dates used to annoy me.

I'm a parent now but my opinion hasn't changed on that. I think if someone childfree has gotten there with the request before you then that's tough.

Same with Christmas, if you work a job that requires Christmas working, I don't think it's fair to allow the same people off every Christmas year in year out.

It's definitely something I've experienced in my workplace before and after having DC and it feels very unfair.

I really don't think it's anyone elses responsibility to ensure you get time off during school holidays or things like Christmas and that a childfree colleague has as much right to book the time off as any parent.

So...

YANBU - parents shouldn't get preferential treatment or priority when it comes to time off work.

YABU - they should.

It has been covered already but for me it is the expectation that childfree workers will only get the crumbs from the holiday table. I have been more then flexible in the past when parents in the work place have asked for specific dates off, I have ‘held the fort’ when parents have had to leave early, arrive late due to whatever child related issues that have sprung up that day. I just find it is one way traffic and the smiles that accompany a polite request to yet again get the short straw over summer or Christmas time often turn into passive aggressive moaning and the petitioning of management to get you to change your mind. A few years ago pre pandemic I booked a trekking holiday over Christmas and new year in Nepal. I had booked this over a year in advance in order to capitalise on cheap flight deals to Katmandu, Sure enough come October time the onus was placed on me to work the Christmas break and the amount of shit I had to put up with in terms of being pressured to change dates (and be at a considerable financial loss in the process) was astonishing.

I used to get this every year without fail
The company I used to work for gave everybody a day off on their birthday. If the birthday fell on a weekend or bank holiday then it was the last working day. My birthday is 25th Dec, so Christmas Eve (or the Friday if Christmas day fell on a Sunday or Monday), was mine to take. The amount of parents who deemed me selfish for wanting to take my birthday leave was unbelievable. I was even told by one that I was going to ruin their child's Christmas.

I've been on both sides of this argument. Before I had DS I wanted time off over Xmas to celebrate with my friends and family. When I had DS I was devastated at the idea of missing his first Christmas and of missing all the build up over December (I worked in hospitality so it's the whole of December written off).

It was at that point I made a huge effort to get out of hospitality (which I did gradually).

@Blackberrybunnet

Now that my children are grown, and I am therefore childfree, I would never ever choose to go on holiday during school breaks because a) cost b)children. Cant understand why childfree employees would want to use school holidays, but at the same time, if they do, they should have the same options as other colleagues. Fair's fair.

Heaven's sake. There are many reasons given on here as to why child-free employees want/need to use school holidays.

Where I worked seasonal leave was taken on a rotational basis. This was agreed by all staff to be fairest. People could swop dates if both agreed and it was accepted by HR in writing.

@ColinTheKoala

Every nursery I’ve ever worked in was open right up till Christmas Eve closing time, and open up again on Boxing Day, or at one nursery the day after. People are acting like there’s weeks where you can’t get any childcare

when my ds was small I used two nurseries and neither was open between Christmas and New Year. The really annoying thing was we had to pay for that week too! But knowing that, you'd book the time off in plenty of time.

Well yeah, if you choose a nursery that’s closed on days you work of course you need to organise that in advance! Whether that’s sourcing a babysitter or nanny and saving up to pay for that or organising childcare with someone you know!

I worked somewhere that gave parents priority on holidays and the unfairness of it sucked! The parents happened to be local, surrounded by family ( family business) whereas I was living in a city far from home and away from my family. It was a real pain in the arse - not to mention expensive - for me to try to get home for Xmas when I couldn’t leave til Xmas eve night or Good Friday to travel home as I was expected to cover the office. On one memorable occasion I actually spent Xmas sleeping in an airport as fog prevented my flight from leaving Xmas eve and I got stuck.
I now have kids and I still think that all employees should be given equal right to time off regardless of their personal situation or what they do with that time off. Once had a colleague throw a hissy fit because another colleague took a week off and just stayed at home pottering in his garden and doing DIY. 1st colleague had wanted that same week off but couldn’t have it and thought that DIY was a waster of holiday and should t have been given!

Again - it isn’t the problem of the childfree - or even the employer - that parents don’t have childcare in place in school holidays.

It is the parents problem.

@Hoolahupsaresquare

Again - it isn’t the problem of the childfree - or even the employer - that parents don’t have childcare in place in school holidays.

It is the parents problem.

Those without near family need to step up and cultivate baby sitters, make cooperative arrangements with other parents and/or neighbors, find jobs on opposite shifts and otherwise do some creative problem solving rather than expect co workers to sacrifice to ameliorate their domestic issues.

Surely parents could band together to hire a uni student on break or lady from the church or other sitter. It may take effort and searching but it's doable.

In answer to the as a childless person what am I doing to support parents type queries

I do childcare for my sister and a neighbour
I work with voluntary organisations that take children away for a week in the summer (unpaid using my own holiday allowance)
I am flexible where possible

Whilst I am understanding of the fact that childcare over christmas is difficult, the answer isnt for me to work 50 plus christmas in a row to support parents

Out of interest parents demanding what the childless are doing to support them, what are you doing to support those without children to ensure they arent screwed over? Or does it only go one way the kindness and support....

@zafferana I can’t have children which is a pain I carry with me every day. So by your system I will never get ‘my turn’ I’ll just be the one relied upon to always hold the shitty end of the stick? Where is the fairness in that.

Or maybe I can say I am a parent and use it to my advantage due to my miscarriages which were my babies.

YANBU but I am mid fifties and have never worked anywhere where parents were given preferential treatment on holidays.

No, they should not been any preferential treatment to working parents when booking holiday. I always have to work over the Christmas period one or two days (I have three kids) and I will not expect a single colleague to cover me because I have kids, we are taking turn and discuss between us how cover is going to be for that period in order to be fair for everyone.

@simpledeer

YANBU but I am mid fifties and have never worked anywhere where parents were given preferential treatment on holidays.

Nor me but I don’t work in an organisation which discriminates between its employees.

I book my son into holiday club, but kids do like to spend time with their parents in the holidays too, and if schools were a bit more lenient about when you can take your kids on holiday, it would give non-parents more choice too. I think that is a huge factor in the school holidays possibly being booked up by parents, if that is the case at your work

This ^^

Parents want to spend some time with their kids in the holidays, as do kids. Many parents use breakfast clubs and after school clubs in order to work, so having a week off together in the holidays can be incredibly important to the family unit. Especially holidays like Christmas, which is a magical time for kids. I don’t think wanting to visit a parent or friend quite compares to wanting to spend some time with your child. Young kids don’t understand why you’re often unavailable or absent, or can’t watch them open their stocking year after year. It’s one reason why so many parents leave jobs in the NHS and retail. Then everyone complains about staff shortages! Luckily many NHS teams do try to prioritise parents, offering flexible working patterns and term time only contracts. Or if a parent simply cannot get childcare at Christmas, and 2 people have requested it off, the manager is likely to rota in the person who can actually work that day.

[quote slashlover]@Cornonthecobblers

I do wonder though why people without children take time off over any school holidays (apart from Christmas - this is a holiday everyone should take Tim off for and enjoy). If it wasn’t for my kids I’d be avoiding the school summer hols if I could. May and June and beginning July are often much nicer weather than August anyway.

RTFT!! Many, many people have given reasons

Partner/adult child/parent who is a teacher and works term time.
Birthday/anniversary/wedding is during that time
Lots of concerts/festivals etc. are during that time.
Wanting to go on holiday with extended family who have kids
Travelling to meet friends who have kids
Because they want to.
More not listed here[/quote]
Ok I didn’t put that very well, apologies, yes I see there could be many reasons why people take this time off but IME at my own work for example, people have taken this time off for no other reason than they just fancied taking this time off. There’s nothing wrong with this of course, it’s up to them and I’d never challenge them on that, however, I know that if I had no children I would avoid school holidays.

@FateHasRedesignedMost

I book my son into holiday club, but kids do like to spend time with their parents in the holidays too, and if schools were a bit more lenient about when you can take your kids on holiday, it would give non-parents more choice too. I think that is a huge factor in the school holidays possibly being booked up by parents, if that is the case at your work

This ^^

Parents want to spend some time with their kids in the holidays, as do kids. Many parents use breakfast clubs and after school clubs in order to work, so having a week off together in the holidays can be incredibly important to the family unit. Especially holidays like Christmas, which is a magical time for kids. I don’t think wanting to visit a parent or friend quite compares to wanting to spend some time with your child. Young kids don’t understand why you’re often unavailable or absent, or can’t watch them open their stocking year after year. It’s one reason why so many parents leave jobs in the NHS and retail. Then everyone complains about staff shortages! Luckily many NHS teams do try to prioritise parents, offering flexible working patterns and term time only contracts. Or if a parent simply cannot get childcare at Christmas, and 2 people have requested it off, the manager is likely to rota in the person who can actually work that day.

Oh give over. Loads of kids grow up with parents who work and stay in the NHS, police, army etc. Kids actually do, mainly, understand. It's mainly laments wanting to see them open their stockists that's the issue.

No one said parents should never have time off at Christmas or summer holidays. Simply that it should be fair.

And suggesting Christmas without kids doesn't quite compare is actually quite offensive. I have kids. I loved Christmas before them and now they are a bit older.

It very much sounds like you are suggesting that Christmas can't be quite as special or enjoyable or important if you dont have kids. Or your family are not as important if you haven't had kids of your own.

I really hate this attitude of things not being as special if you haven't produced a child.

@fatehasredesignedmost
I don’t think wanting to visit a parent or friend quite compares to wanting to spend some time with your child.

You think that, you dont get to decide that for everyone else. Besides what a stupidly sweeping statement, what if its likely to be the parents last christmas, or the friend has been recent bereaved?

Blah blah blah it's my choice to have children etc but my children will be paying your pensions one day so you do need some of us to have children

What?

Especially holidays like Christmas, which is a magical time for kids. I don’t think wanting to visit a parent or friend quite compares

It's this I hate.

It might not compare to you but you don't get to tell anyone else that it doesn't for them. It's not up to your colleagues to make sure you get to spend a 'magical Christmas' with your kids for the next however many years. I'm sure to them, spending time with family or friends is higher up on their priority list than your children and that is entirely understandable I would hope to most people.

@Cornonthecobblers - our DT’s are now 22, living and working in different countries. Thankfully I have as much right to time off at Christmas as a new parent so can have Christmas with my extended family. We chose school holidays as my sister in Brussels is a teacher as was my mother in law in Quebec before her retirement. An employer cannot legally give preferential holiday time to anyone.

@Parker231
You certainly do and correct, thankfully.

I don’t think wanting to visit a parent or friend quite compares to wanting to spend some time with your child

And who are you to make this judgement for others?

This Christmas is likely to be my mother’s last Christmas. I live a 3 hour drive away from her so do not get to see her as often as I would like. Do you really think that me spending this Christmas with her is less important than a colleague who is a parent of a 2 year old (who does not understand Christmas, will not know if the gifts are opened on the 25th or another day, will not remember the day, will not be traumatised by their parent not being there) spending the day with their 2 year old, especially given that the colleague sees their child every single day?

I don’t think wanting to visit a parent or friend quite compares to wanting to spend some time with your child

My "child" is late 20's, I haven't seen her since August due to work schedules and distance. I would love to spend some time with her at Christmas, but she is working at a tourist attraction where some of those parents who deem time with their children is paramount, will be going. It sucks that this is our 3rd Christmas apart and our time together is not seen as worthy by people like you.