To think their name choice is ‘off’

[Isitweirdorisitjustme]

I feel pretty miffed about something and can’t work out whether I’m being unreasonable or not - please give it to me straight!

SIL (my brother’s wife) was pregnant at the same time as me. I was six weeks ahead with our third baby (already have two boys and knew I was expecting a girl this time around) She was pregnant with their second (they chose to find out sex at birth)

Let’s say we chose Molly. Six weeks later they announced the arrival of their daughter and her name was Polly. Apparently they realised it was similar to Molly but thought this was ‘cute.’

For context, I don’t live in the same country as my brother. COVID aside, we normally see each other a few times a year and we are a small family - he is my only sibling. His eldest child is also a boy so the two recent babies are the only girls (and it’s likely to stay that way, don’t think either of us will have any more)

Is it just me or is it fucking weird that in our small family, we now have two girls, just six weeks apart with incredibly similar names? I feel like they are already set up for a lifetime of comparison and this just makes it even worse.

My mum is already getting confused and mixing their names up. She also keeps buying two sets of any gifts she gets for them so I keep seeing photos of Polly dressed identically to Molly?

Obviously I can never say anything to my brother but AIBU to be quietly quite pissed off about this? Polly has no significance for them beyond thinking it’s a nice name - I just can’t imagine me announcing Molly and them not thinking ‘oh shit that sounds like Polly, best think of something else’

My cousin was given the same name as my brother (close in age), my aunt asked my mother if she minded and Mum said no go for it, its a great name. I think you have to chill out a bit, you are worrying about comparisons that may never happen. If people are going to compare they will do it anyway, regardless of name or even sex - just because these two children are close in age. Make up your mind that you will ignore or shut down any attempts at comparing the two girls.

I actually think it could be really lovely and these little cousins could have a wonderful friendship because of their close age, and they'll probably be tickled pink that their names rhyme.

Ps that should have said 'grow up together', but they definitely play up too!

My mum is already getting confused and mixing their names up. She also keeps buying two sets of any gifts she gets for them so I keep seeing photos of Polly dressed identically to Molly? you know she isn't doing this because they're molly and polly right? she'd do it even if they were deidre and ashleegh-maii because she has two baby grand daughters the same age and she doesn't want to show preference.

if they were in class together i'd understand but they're not even in the SAME COUNTRY

not to mention my Nan confused all our very different names and sometimes my Mom calls the girls the boys names and vice versa

They don't live near each other. It doesn't matter if Mia and Lia or Zoe and Chloe are in the same family. Try living in my family where about 70% of all men on both sides of the family happen to have the same name, over three generations. Shout 'Ollie!' and six men reply! Even a pet accidentally got the same name. Just can't get enough of it.

Yes, it’s annoying. But just a difference of perspective - they didn’t think it would be a problem. Your mum (?) will probably always treat them the same and make comparisons, regardless of the names being similar. That would probably annoy me more than the matchy-match names.

Apparently they realised it was similar to Molly but thought this was ‘cute.’

This level of twee sets my teeth on edge, but I think time will soften it OP. And your DD is older so everyone can see they’re the weirdoes here not you

YANBU.

Swimming against the YABU tide, I can see why this has annoyed you. You're a small family, with a small number of children, how difficult would it have been for them to go 'hmm Molly, Polly - maybe not!' And choose one of the billions of other names?!

I can just hear your mum now 'Yes, my two new granddaughters Molly & Polly'

It is ridiculous of them.

However, you can't do anything about it other than roll your eyes!

My mum regularly calls my niece my name & me my nieces! My niece kind of looks like me at the same age. But she also calls me my brothers name, or the dogs...💁🏻‍♀️

Mind you I do the same with my god children!

I can see why your mum buying them the same outfits would feel a bit 'unspecial' too, it's a bit thoughtless but maybe your mum will soon see that your & your SIL's tastes are different & buy them different outfits (or maybe not 🤣).

It's probably just as well you don't live too close to them!!

Enjoy your DD & don't fret too much about them being mixed up/compared!

I really don't get this precious attitude around names.

I think your SIL is wondering why you aren't more flattered!
She's right, it is cute to have relatives with similar names.

Congratulations on your little girl but unfortunately YABU. I don't really think that there is much of an issue and here, particularly as you are not even in the same country.

My sister and I are lucky enough to both have two boys and then a girl. Her baby girl, born recently, has been named for my daughter, so they have the same name. I think that it's wonderful that she's honoured my daughter by choosing the same name for hers. It's lovely to have a common name and certainly nothing to be stressed over. They will both be equally loved and will be different in their own ways as they grow.

You chose your DD's name and now you want to have a hand in choosing your niece's name, too?

Could you change your daughters name? If she hasn’t been born yet, this is what I would do as Molly and Polly are too similar.

@Tuliprain

Could you change your daughters name? If she hasn’t been born yet, this is what I would do as Molly and Polly are too similar.

Her daughter was born before her niece if I've understood correctly

Seriously. My brother and I have kids called (not this but similar) Carmen and Carson.

It never even occurred that it was a problem.

Did they have their heart set on the name and then had quite the dilemma when the name of your baby was announced? When you fall in love with a name it must be so hard to let it go and change it. As you said, you may have changed the name if you had been in their position but I think it is quite easy to put yourself in the shoes of people heartbroken that their name was half taken and decided to go with it anyway.

Obviously I'm making assumptions here but it might help you shake the frustration if you imagine they loved the name throughout the pregnancy.

I can see why you might have raised an eyebrow, but it really doesn't need any more headspace than that.

Back in the late sixties my mother and her cousin were both pregnant at the same time. Both gave birth to girls (one of which was my younger sister) within days of each other and gave them exactly the same name - different spellings, but the same pronunciation.

Her cousin was a branch of the family that we only had fairly occasional contact with. On the odd occasion when we were spending time with them the name similarity was just never an issue. We had some fun together too. No confusion, each was their own person. Nobody ever even remarked.

Enjoy your baby, and just don't worry about this at all.

Cousin relationships can be really special. Hope this is actually a lovely thing that ties them together in a positive way rather than something upsetting. As they live far apart they are more likely (in my experience) to get on well as aren’t in each other’s pockets all year, don’t have to be compared in school etc.

I agree with you op. You wouldn't have done it if their daughter was born first. Even from this thread you can see people have very different views on it though! So strange.

I think you are making a mountain out of a molehill, ppl can choose whatever name they want to

Oh, and confusing people's names with others happens a lot, especially within the same family.

I have mixed up my three DDs' names many times, and they all have very different ones. Not remotely similar.

🥱 🥱 You don’t own a name, get over it. Are you going to be miffed with all the other mums in ‘Molly’s’ class who have dared to call their little darling something you deem too similar 🙄 🙄

"As I said, if I had been in their shoes, I would have wanted to think of an alternative purely because I wouldn’t want anything similar for my own sake/my daughter’s sake!"

You don't know for sure though.

You might have thought that you really loved the name, they are cousins not siblings, live in different countries...

I would love it and think it's adorable but I actually love my SIL and niece where it sounds like you are jealous of yours for some reason?

If you’ve never started a thread on MN, I highly recommend it - some of the responses are really insightful and thought provoking. Others are just so weird and show how people don’t read the OP, make sweeping assumptions, like to tell their own mostly irrelevant/unrelated stories, or simply take the opportunity to speak harshly to someone.

Anyway, again, I officially recognise that I am being deeply unreasonable and promise to get over it!

(FYI, for those of you who were wondering, the girls are called Nora and Cora!)

I think if you lived on the same street and they would be in the same class at school etc then it would be a bit weird but if you’re not even in the same country then they will absolutely have their own identities. Realistically they’re not going to have much to do with each other so it matters not what their names are

@BigYellowHat

🥱 🥱 You don’t own a name, get over it. Are you going to be miffed with all the other mums in ‘Molly’s’ class who have dared to call their little darling something you deem too similar 🙄 🙄

No, cos Molly isn’t closely related to them.