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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think their name choice is ‘off’

357 replies

Isitweirdorisitjustme · 29/11/2021 14:54

I feel pretty miffed about something and can’t work out whether I’m being unreasonable or not - please give it to me straight!

SIL (my brother’s wife) was pregnant at the same time as me. I was six weeks ahead with our third baby (already have two boys and knew I was expecting a girl this time around) She was pregnant with their second (they chose to find out sex at birth)

Let’s say we chose Molly. Six weeks later they announced the arrival of their daughter and her name was Polly. Apparently they realised it was similar to Molly but thought this was ‘cute.’

For context, I don’t live in the same country as my brother. COVID aside, we normally see each other a few times a year and we are a small family - he is my only sibling. His eldest child is also a boy so the two recent babies are the only girls (and it’s likely to stay that way, don’t think either of us will have any more)

Is it just me or is it fucking weird that in our small family, we now have two girls, just six weeks apart with incredibly similar names? I feel like they are already set up for a lifetime of comparison and this just makes it even worse.

My mum is already getting confused and mixing their names up. She also keeps buying two sets of any gifts she gets for them so I keep seeing photos of Polly dressed identically to Molly?

Obviously I can never say anything to my brother but AIBU to be quietly quite pissed off about this? Polly has no significance for them beyond thinking it’s a nice name - I just can’t imagine me announcing Molly and them not thinking ‘oh shit that sounds like Polly, best think of something else’

OP posts:
Flutterflybutterby · 29/11/2021 23:04

My SIL edited the ending of an already existed name so it would rhyme with our DC1's name who was born around 1 year earlier.

And THEN

HER SIL, who she doesn't even get on with, MADE UP A WHOLE NEW NAME, like a name that doesn't even exist - she created it - just so her child's name would rhyme with both of ours Angry😂

DH and I live in another country to them so we try not to give it too much thought but at the time, (especially me in my still-hormonal stage), we were fuming. We felt like it had made our child's name a joke. Now I think it's quite funny

KT727 · 29/11/2021 23:12

Honestly I think it's fine! I have a cousin whose abbreviated name is one letter different to mine and we always liked that we had similar names growing up.

If the babies are six weeks apart in age then they're probably going to be compared anyway (although obviously shouldn't be) but I don't think the name thing will make any difference.

RiverSkater · 29/11/2021 23:19

Ah you'll hardly see them.

Different point of view

SIL had been planning name Polly forever then you go and choose Molly ! But rather than say so, she just says it's cute to avoid any awkwardness.
😊

mummyh2016 · 30/11/2021 07:28

It's a non issue sorry. I'm due a baby in January and SIL is due in March. Unless they name their baby the same that we're naming ours I couldn't care less what they name their baby, they only live 10 mins from us as well so I don't get why you're bothered about this when you don't live in the same country. I fully expect MIL to buy our babies the same clothes as well, this is something that will happen regardless of names. Again you're making an issue out of nothing, if you don't want them to match just don't put your child in the clothes even you know you will see your family.

FreeBritnee · 30/11/2021 07:42

I can understand your irritation as this stuff is such a big deal in the early days. But down the line it just won’t matter at all. You’ll both probably have nicknames for the girls, or their names will be abbreviated. You are also in different countries so it’s not as though you’re living in each other’s pockets.

Aderyn21 · 30/11/2021 07:48

I think it's a bit weird. Yes, everyone has a right to choose whatever name etc etc, but irl it's odd to pick one that's virtually identical to a niece born 6 weeks earlier.

mam0918 · 30/11/2021 11:57

@Skysblue

Yanbu, I think it was a weirdly copycat thing for then to do. They should at least have asked if it bothered you first.

My guess is the mum is competitive with you about other things too?

What an utterly ridiculously self-involved view to take lol.

Do you honestly think your so special people are comparatively jealous of you and would pick a name for their child (one of the most important choices they'll make) to be all about you FFS?

No, they don't need to ask if you are bothered because you don't actually matter at all when it comes to decisions about THEIR child.

HippoRaine · 30/11/2021 13:01

Just change your baby's name to Balonz, she will never find a rhyme for that

MaggieFS · 30/11/2021 13:56

I think YABU, but then in my family I caused a ruckus because I named DC a name which might possibly in future years be abbreviated to the same name his second cousin has, a female second cousin 12 years older. So clearly you aren't alone in your thinking.

Chocolatedragon · 30/11/2021 17:42

My cousin gave her new born son the same name as my 4 year old son. I just can’t get my head round it!

LifesTooShortForYourNonsense · 30/11/2021 17:42

I have two cousins with the same name, and until I was married we all has the same surname too. It’s not a problem 🤷‍♀️

KaycePollard · 30/11/2021 17:52

YABU.

Not much more to say really -except that the way you tell the story in your OP seems very competitive and you make all sorts of value-laden comparisons.

BTW, just what is it with all these posts about sisters-in-law???? Hmm

HauntedPencil · 30/11/2021 17:53

I think it's fine and it wouldn't occur to me to me miffed so maybe she just didn't see an issue either - aside from thinking it was nice they had rhyming names

I mean I don't think it's reasonable to expect them to avoid the same name and any name that rhymes or sounds similar

HauntedPencil · 30/11/2021 17:55

Hadnt seen your update - what lovely names!

JingleberryChristmas · 30/11/2021 18:01

This is not remotely weird OP. YABU

Alltheblue · 30/11/2021 18:04

I don't think of those names as alike actually. They're from different classes and are unalike in nature despite the rhyme.

Carryonmarion · 30/11/2021 18:09

In a few years I don't think you will care. I have 2 cousins, both boys similar in looks born 3 months apart with exactly the same first name (different middle & surnames). My Mum's sister and her brother and their partners just liked the same names. It is actually not a problem in the slightest. If we need to differentiate we just say something like, "Diane's Mike" so the other person knows which Mike we are talking to. If we are together with both Mikes and the wrong one answers, we say "not you, that Mike" and move on. No more competition or rivalry takes place between the Mikes than takes place with the other non-Mike named cousins.

Captainj1 · 30/11/2021 18:10

My mum is the middle one of three girls and both her sisters named their daughters the same name as my mum. I have never thought hard about it tbh…I have two cousins with the same name…so what…so yes YABU

canichange · 30/11/2021 18:17

My brother and his wife had a son 5 weeks after my son was born. Their names are nothing alike, they don't even share one letter. My mother compares them at every opportunity and always buys them the same things because she can't be bothered to think what each individual child would like.

Samphiresizzle · 30/11/2021 18:19

I think you are getting an unreasonably hard time on here. If you think it’s an odd choice then it’s an odd choice.

Mirw · 30/11/2021 18:25

Get over yourself! Cousins used to have the same name because they were all named after grandparents. My mother had two cousins named Albert and two named Jean. My Dad had a cousin named James as is he, and 2 called Patricia. My gran had three cousins named Annie as was her 1st name: they all went by their 2nd names.

pinkpirlie · 30/11/2021 18:26

My DP has exactly the same name as his cousin (even surname as paternal side), born a few days apart. No comparisons are ever made between them. My mom also has the same name as my cousin (her nephew). Again I don't recall anything ever being said about the similarity.

People are known for their personality, I don't think anyone bats an eye at similar names within a family - well certainly not ours.

Hobnobsandbroomstick · 30/11/2021 18:26

I just can’t imagine me announcing Molly and them not thinking ‘oh shit that sounds like Polly, best think of something else’

You can't imagine that they want to still use the name that they have chosen for their daughter? Really? Why should they change their name choice because you've picked a similair name? You're way overthinking it.

LoisLane66 · 30/11/2021 18:28

Better than my real name which every other dog owner in the vicinity has named their mutt. I'm constantly looking round when out locally to see who called me.
Besides that, my next door neighbour has the same name as does our local Tesco delivery driver (female) and environmental health officer who inspects the nature trails behind our properties. 😂

ThreeWiseBuddhas · 30/11/2021 18:31

You're giving this way waaaaay too much headspace
Each to their own and all that
How would you feel if they were posting on here having a whinge about what you've called your crotch fruit?