Can anybody else relate with a husband like mine?!

[Ballsdeep21]

So I’ve been married for 10 years now and have 3 children. Over the years I have noticed my husband can’t seem to spend “too much” time with us as a family. I’m hoping other people can relate or tell me this totally not normal. Say for example iv made breakfast he comes down eventually and eats his breakfast chat for a little bit then he disappears somewhere in the house mainly upstairs. When I mean disappear I mean that he can’t stay with me and the kids for too long. He goes upstairs to bedroom, his Xbox room or he goes gym. Like literally he can’t spend more than say maybe 30 mins with us before having to “leave”. Another example, he will come back from his 2-3hrs at the gym say hi to me and kids go in the shower for forever and then maybe have something to eat then sit with us for again a short amount of time and disappears upstairs again. It’s as if he can not sit down on his backside with us for long at all. I say to him why can’t you just chill in living room watch a bit of telly (although kiddies usually have something on tv) and even if he’s with us he usually has his headsets on or AirPods listening to a podcast or watching some sort of show on his phone. He can not sit still, he moves and twitches all day long if I focus on him. Sometimes I think is there some sort of underlying disorder. He’s always liked his own space after a bit however this is majority of the time now. I say to him chilling isn’t going to be about me and him all the time it’s us all being together as a family. And before anyone says “cheating” or anything of the sort please don’t as that’s not the case. He talks about wanting to have another child but I’m not so certain tbh considering he’s hardly with us. I’m currently on maternity leave so am home 24/7 basically and obviously bored out of my head myself and have children to interact with most of the time. Does anyone else’s husband/partner act like this.

I am going to take a leap here and guess the reason he wants another baby.
He likes the set up he has now. He realises that when op goes back to work his cosy self indulgent set up will change. If op has another baby then probably maternity leave will mean another year of sahm. Meaning he can string out his teenage existence a bit longer.
Just a guess.

@Ballsdeep21

Please could you do us all a massive favour? ...

You get threads like this all the time. Husband is absolutely horrible, and adds nothing at all to either the ops or their children's lives. Hundreds of posters are unanimous in saying 'this is awful, please leave.'
It becomes clear during the thread, like this one I think, that the op has no intention of divorcing, they just wanted to rant and eye roll at 'men, huh.'

Please, please tell us why you haven't divorced yet, so that we can stop wasting our time trying to encourage women to be happy.

My husband is a bit like this, he's an extreme introvert. It's worse if he's also having a bad week/stressed by something else eg an issue at work.
But I make sure he pulls his weight by just spending time out of the house so there's lots of times when he's doing solo childcare for both.

@TarasCrazyTiara

Sounds like some type of hyperactivity (add?) or something on the autism spectrum. Possibly both. Not being able to sit still without twitching is a dead tell for that kind of thing.

When did you get your medical/psychiatric degrees?

@Autumnscene

Have you considered family counselling ?

Seriously?

You think he'd go?

Oh my goodness he pays for nothing?
Well at least youre financially independent I guess. If it were me I'd think carefully and quietly about next steps but the status quo sounds utterly maddening. good luck!!

"It’s only recent that he has been able to contribute to the family."
What is his backstory about that? Did he come straight from his mother's house into yours?
Do you own your own house or is it rented?
Is he on the deeds?

He's not contributing much it seems. Like I said he's like he teenage son who will help Mum if he's nagged enough, but really his real 'life' is carried out on the Xbox.
He's not seeing himself as a partner and a father.
Does he have a video game addiction? If so, everything else is an inconvenience on the way to the Xbox.
He might only value himself as the online gamer persona and as a 'body' that can work out in the gym.
Not your issues to solve.

You pay for everything too?

Oh you poor woman.

Your relationship bar is truly below ground.

What a depressing thread.

What a complete waster.

I would stop worrying about your DP and focus more on yourself.

Why are you in a relationship with someone who isn't offering you either practical, financial or emotional support?
Who doesn't want to be part of the family that they have made with you or spend time with you.

What is in your background or current emotional functioning that lets you tolerate this? I would get individual counseling for yourself because once you are functioning well you will be able to make the changes you need for you.