Can anybody else relate with a husband like mine?!

[Ballsdeep21]

So I’ve been married for 10 years now and have 3 children. Over the years I have noticed my husband can’t seem to spend “too much” time with us as a family. I’m hoping other people can relate or tell me this totally not normal. Say for example iv made breakfast he comes down eventually and eats his breakfast chat for a little bit then he disappears somewhere in the house mainly upstairs. When I mean disappear I mean that he can’t stay with me and the kids for too long. He goes upstairs to bedroom, his Xbox room or he goes gym. Like literally he can’t spend more than say maybe 30 mins with us before having to “leave”. Another example, he will come back from his 2-3hrs at the gym say hi to me and kids go in the shower for forever and then maybe have something to eat then sit with us for again a short amount of time and disappears upstairs again. It’s as if he can not sit down on his backside with us for long at all. I say to him why can’t you just chill in living room watch a bit of telly (although kiddies usually have something on tv) and even if he’s with us he usually has his headsets on or AirPods listening to a podcast or watching some sort of show on his phone. He can not sit still, he moves and twitches all day long if I focus on him. Sometimes I think is there some sort of underlying disorder. He’s always liked his own space after a bit however this is majority of the time now. I say to him chilling isn’t going to be about me and him all the time it’s us all being together as a family. And before anyone says “cheating” or anything of the sort please don’t as that’s not the case. He talks about wanting to have another child but I’m not so certain tbh considering he’s hardly with us. I’m currently on maternity leave so am home 24/7 basically and obviously bored out of my head myself and have children to interact with most of the time. Does anyone else’s husband/partner act like this.

@PinkSyCo
My other kids are 3 and 6 baby is 9 months old.

He is totally in the wrong but.. I can't stand it when kids TV is on all the time. Is it?

Youd be better off financially emotionally and practically, with more free time, if you left.

I cant believe you aren't allowed to just walk out the house because you havent given him enough notice but he calls you controlling for wanting some help.

His behaviour is so extreme that even if he improves a lot he will still be a shit husband and father...honestly just leave

@arethereanyleftatall

Don't give him a fifteen minute warning then. A bright and breezy 'I'm off to the gym' as you walk out the door when he's home.

Of course you're thinking now 'I couldn't do that.' But think about how absolutely ridiculous it is that he can and you can't.

This

What’s in it for you? He’s a lazy selfish waste of space. He’s not a father or a husband. He’s an overgrown lazy child who you are enabling. Why on earth have you stayed so long?

OP, why are you behaving as if he’s an interesting intellectual problem, rather than a man who’s doing his level best to ruin your life.

Oh OP.

My first ever LTB.

You deserve so, so much better - as do your children.

You have the tolerance of a saint!

His behaviour does sound like ADHD but that not an excuse fir refusing to patent his own DC's.

It's not much of a life for you.

[quote Ballsdeep21]@Disfordarkchocolate He has told me Xbox room is nonnegotiable. I did say erm I don’t have my own chill room so, he says living room is my sort of Xbox room as it’s the room I spend most my time in. Well I’d think so considering there’s kids to mind etc. No way would he give up Xbox room like ever[/quote]
Do you have enough bedrooms for the DC not to need to share and him to have his xbox room? If not he is massively unreasonable expecting DC to share bedrooms so he can keep a hobby room. Do you work? He is self employed and only works 3-4 days per week, that is a luxury most people don't get to enjoy so he has lots of additional hours available to strike a balance between me time and family time. He sounds like completely selfish to me. Can he sit and chill on his own without bouncing around? If he can he's just avoiding family life.

LTB. At least that way you can plan your own life on your own terms. It's tough but having such a lazy useless cold man around you is 1) more mental work and 2) grinding down your self esteem little by little.

Who the fuck does he think he is? And does he think being a father stops at sperm donation? Fuck him, you sound strong and in control. You can do much much better.

I bet he wants another child with you.

That's how he's imprisoned you.

It's a classic abusers tactic.

I’ve read your other post. This man is a selfish leech who squanders money on tech toys, contributes nothing and appears to bring nothing good into your life. And this post just makes it worse. Why on Earth are you still with him?!

Op. You’re clearly not going to leave this man. I’ve read your other thread for a nano second and it’s shocking how much worse it is than just on here.

You need to leave. If you can’t, at least separate yourself emotionally and financially as much as you can. Because he is leaching you dry mentally, physically and financially.

This is one of the most fucked up relationships I’ve ever encountered on mn

And stop having sex with him for the love of god

What is the point of continuing this " relationship "? The man has clocked out. Time to open your eyes and wake up op.

The fact that he cant stop moving or whatever could be an indication of adhd( he would need a lot more indicators though) but adhd doesn't make one a useless and uncaring person.

Time lose some weight op. About 80kilos of them ... time to get rid of him

And poor kids!! He is not a dad.
He is a sperm donor

Is he taking cocaine?

Have you considered family counselling ?

Sounds like some type of hyperactivity (add?) or something on the autism spectrum. Possibly both.
Not being able to sit still without twitching is a dead tell for that kind of thing.

To answer your question - NO!

Your situation is really fucked up - your DC will be absorbing all this thinking it's normal.

Dump him.

Def leave the house and leave him with the kids. He will kick up a fuss but why on earth shouldn't you go and do something and why do you need to give notice.

Honestly this has got red flags all over it. Starr thinking about your financial future. Ducks in a row. Or he changes his tune (which he may not, sorry).

Gosh I find this thread really depressing. In this so-called era of feminist enlightenment and equality, I can't believe such men exist.

Actually, I can

Op I can't imagine how or why you've gone ahead and had three children with this man-child. I can only suggest that you, (as others have suggested already), get the hell out of there. In a split custody scenario he will have to step up if he wants to see his children, and at least you'll get a break when he does. Honestly, he sounds like a fourth child but with all the hassle (I bet you do everything for him, right?) and none of the reward.

Men like him will never change, he's hard wired.

Unfortunately my experience of this has been that my exH played Disney dad for a short period, then dropped our DD when he set himself up with new partner, now wife. Hasn't seen her for seven years now.

Disinterested fathers don't suddenly step up for access visits. They see DCs as the mother's responsibility.

Omfg. He doesn't even contribute financially? You're not trapped. Get the fuck out.

I can’t imagine having one child with a man who can’t parent, can’t partner and doesn’t even contribute financially! That’s 3 separate dealbreakers all at once (not contributing financially would be fine if he was a sahm and did most of the home load of course, this guy is quite obviously)

What would change without him? Anything?

I just wanted to echo what was said above.

If he weren’t there would your life change much at all?

Probably not.