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Original poster

Has my date stolen my keys??

999 replies

Wilhelmine · 28/11/2021 23:48

I’ve just come home with a guy I’ve been for a few dates with after a couple of drinks and we’ve had a coffee and he’s gone home. We’ve been getting on great and knew each other before as acquaintances. He’s a bit intense but nothing scary until tonight when he said “I don’t know what I’d do if this doesn’t work out”. Now I’ve just got ready for bed and can’t find my keys anywhere. I’m well organised and tidy and always know where things are. I’ve messaged him to ask if he picked them up by mistake but no reply. Am I being daft to think he might have taken them? If I can’t find them in the morning I’ll have to get the locks changed and I really don’t want to have to do that.....

OP posts:
Original poster
Wilhelmine · 29/11/2021 05:00

Do I tell work the whole story? My manager is really nice and I think would understand. If I tell them I need the morning/day off to get the locks changed I’d rather tell them exactly why.

OP posts:
EssexLioness · 29/11/2021 05:02

It is possible he took them but probably you misplaced them. However, I think the much bigger point is his weird behaviour and all the red flags. Just the fact that you suspect him of taking your keys indicates how uneasy he makes you. I would dump him for that alone, but as PP said, do this carefully and ease back gradually. You don’t know what he is capable of.
Also, I mean this kindly, maybe have a look at getting some counselling or something to look at how to establish healthy boundaries, your self esteem etc. I have put myself in some very vulnerable situations myself, so this is not meant as a judgement. But when reading your posts about him I couldn’t help wonder why you invited him back to your house in the first place. You say he seemed fine and a nice guy but most of his behaviour sounds creepy and alarming. My younger self, with a history of abuse as a child/ teens wouldn’t have recognised that and would prob done the same thing as you. Now there would be no chance of someone like that still dating me, let alone knowing where I live.
Getting some help with that could really help you in the future. I ended up marrying someone who became violent and waited until I left that relationship to work on my own boundaries. Wish I had put the work in beforehand, cos I missed a lot of red flags, some not too dissimilar to what you wrote.

Dancingsmile · 29/11/2021 05:06

I'd tell your manager why you need the time off. Two reasons, because being straight with people is easier and secondly if he is an odd bod the more that no the situation the better.

Original poster
Wilhelmine · 29/11/2021 05:07

Thank you @EssexLioness. I have terrible boundaries and I know should probably have not agreed to see him in the first place.

OP posts:
Pinkbonbon · 29/11/2021 05:08

If she is pleasant enough then yeah I would just tell the boss a short version. You've been dating a guy, he has got a bit creepy and your keys have vanished so you need to get your locks changed 'just incase'.

Or you could just tell her you have a banging headache and can't come in. But then it improved so you decided to go in for the afternoon.

Original poster
Wilhelmine · 29/11/2021 05:09

Will do @Dancingsmile. Think I’ll need the whole day off as I haven’t slept a wink!

OP posts:
Staryflight445 · 29/11/2021 05:13

Ah op I’m with you on this. I never lose stuff like this either and if I ever did misplace them they’d be easily found.

Could he be after your dog?

Marvellousmadness · 29/11/2021 05:13

I feel really sick, so many red flags from the beginning and now this

And this is why you don't invite red flags over to your house :(. Or continue seeing them for coffee. Really. I really hope you get your locks sorted out quickly and never do a thing like that again.
Onwards and upwards op

Pinkbonbon · 29/11/2021 05:14

@Wilhelmine

Will do *@Dancingsmile*. Think I’ll need the whole day off as I haven’t slept a wink!
Take the day off, you deserve a break.

That's so creepy about him offering to buy you furniture. That was him setting you up for 'after all I've done for you/you owe me' once you tried to get away.

Tbf, at least you've cottoned on to what he is now. Practice makes perfect. Hopefully the next weirdo won't get far.

Original poster
Wilhelmine · 29/11/2021 05:14

I don’t think so. He’s 15, incontinent and toothless 😊

OP posts:
EssexLioness · 29/11/2021 05:14

Agree with telling your manager the truth.

It’s not your fault. You trusted him. But it is worth looking at this and maybe take a step back from dating for a while, especially if you know your boundaries are poor. And also, please feel reassured that whilst it isn’t easy it is possible to change. You come first - you deserve to feel safe, valued and respected

Original poster
Wilhelmine · 29/11/2021 05:17

My dog that is.

OP posts:
Atmywitsend29 · 29/11/2021 05:18

@Wilhelmine

I don’t think so. He’s 15, incontinent and toothless 😊
Christ. It took me a hot minute to realise this was the dog, not the creepy boyfriend!! Blush

Op how are you feeling this morning?

Marvellousmadness · 29/11/2021 05:18

And don't go jumping on me for "victim shaming" mumsnet. I'm just talking about common sense and taking responsibility for your decisions. We as women must take good care of ourselves

EssexLioness · 29/11/2021 05:18

@Wilhelmine

My dog that is.
Lol, I’m glad it’s not the guy you were seeing… was thinking he sounds worse and worse! 😆
Original poster
Wilhelmine · 29/11/2021 05:22

I’m exhausted @Atmywitsend29. But thankful for all the good advice and clear what needs to be done.

OP posts:
StrictlyAFemaleFemale · 29/11/2021 05:28

You need to ealk round your house saying keys keys keys. It focuses your mind and means youre more likely to find them if they are in fact just lost. At least it does according to qi. If that does t work call a locksmith.

EffOrfagain · 29/11/2021 05:29

It will be covered by your house insurance if it costs a lot to have them replaced, depends how many there are to replace.

Newestname002 · 29/11/2021 05:29

@Wilhelmine

Should I change the Chubb too *@Esspee*?
I really would change all locks for which you had keys on your key ring. If you change only the Yale he could actually lock you out of your home by using the Chubb key... 🌹
Original poster
Wilhelmine · 29/11/2021 05:30

Will try in the morning @StrictlyAFemaleFemale

OP posts:
Staryflight445 · 29/11/2021 05:30

Have you heard off him yet op?

Do you have a ring camera? Please get one if you don’t and install ASAP, he sounds creepy and it’ll show you whether or not he had intentions to come back (with your keys).

Also if you have someone that can stay with you whilst you give him the cold shoulder, please do that he sounds insane.

Tavelo · 29/11/2021 05:40

Feel for you OP, I can't sleep either but for more insomnia. Hope your keys turn up. Did you wear a different jacket, check pockets or pockets of a dressing gown etc? Different bag?
It'll be truly sickening if it turns out he has them. He'll probably pretend he took them by mistake.

expat101 · 29/11/2021 05:48

thinking of you. I don't have any further advise than what has already been suggested.

highlighta · 29/11/2021 05:52

he didn’t know what he’d do if it didn’t work out between us (we’ve been seeing eachother for about a month)

This alone is a major red flag. Never mind all the love bombing.

I would be open and honest to your boss about the situation. You should not have to make up a cover up story as to the reason why you are not able to come in.

And to the PP who says OP is being ridiculous. What do you suggest she does going forward?

Ubiquery · 29/11/2021 05:54

I’d change all the locks in case you left the keys in the door.