Has my date stolen my keys??

[Wilhelmine]

I’ve just come home with a guy I’ve been for a few dates with after a couple of drinks and we’ve had a coffee and he’s gone home. We’ve been getting on great and knew each other before as acquaintances. He’s a bit intense but nothing scary until tonight when he said “I don’t know what I’d do if this doesn’t work out”. Now I’ve just got ready for bed and can’t find my keys anywhere. I’m well organised and tidy and always know where things are. I’ve messaged him to ask if he picked them up by mistake but no reply. Am I being daft to think he might have taken them? If I can’t find them in the morning I’ll have to get the locks changed and I really don’t want to have to do that.....

Definitely get locks changed ASAP. You will need to get a locksmith as you can’t leave the house unlocked can you? Or get a friend to help you out xx

And don’t be too hard on yourself or accept any blame here. You haven’t had much of any sleep. I think you have handled this well.

💐@Ubiquery

@TurnUpTurnip

There’s really no need for the hysteria you’ve more than likely put them down somewhere, double lock the door if you are worried pretty much all doors can be double locked from the inside, you obviously felt comfortable enough with him to invite him back to yours

Lovely expression of your own misogyny there @TurnUpTurnip

Yes it certainly can't be that the creepy date took the keys. It must be that the OP is a 'hysterical' woman 
No wonder violence against women is so prevalent when we're told to disregard our own instincts so often.

@Wilhelmine read 'the gift of fear its a great book for helping you to understand your own discomfort in situations like this

don't call him again.
block his number.
you don't owe him anything.

Your gut is telling you something here, so it's time to listen. He may have taken your keys, he may not have. However as you haven't found them it's definitely not worth the risk, so longs changes asap. If he hasn't responded by the time you get in contact with a locksmith send a quick text to say ' if you have picked my keys up accidentally, no worries as I've sorted it this morning'
Leave it a day or so and then contact him explaining that this isn't working out, you both want different things and that it's time to leave things where they are. Then ignore him. Red flags are there for a reason, you don't owe him an explanation or justification. Once you've told him it's not working, cut all contact.

Has he messaged you back yet OP?

My opinion (a bit different to some):

It's good he and you are known people in the dog-walking group. This gives you some groove to slot back into.

You say you shouldn't have agreed to meet him in the first place. ... ? Do you actually find him attractive? Or just didn't want to be mean and say no?

He sounds possibly naive/definitely lonely/has had a crush on you for some time.

I agree you need to work on boundary definition and defence. You've given him the wrong messages.

BUT
We still don't know if he has the keys.
His behaviour so far has been OTT and kind of inexperienced/uncool/also boundary-blind. Taking your house keys is totally different. And he may well not have.

For THIS reason, I wouldn't tell work. Because I wouldn't create irreversible drama around myself based on an unproven assumption. It actually IMO makes you seem a bit rash - I only mean re: telling work. Of course if he had taken them, fine to share it with your manager. But not if not. And you don't know.

You sound like you very much need reassurance and someone to talk to. I'm not sure your manager is the right person for this private matter. For me, that would be a professional boundary I wouldn't cross.

It's unfortunate you have the tickets. I'd honestly probably say you can't go because ill/work issue/something else he can't challenge, and say can he find someone else to go with and have your ticket.

I agree with others that careful withdrawal here would be wise.

You'll be able to judge more how to do it by his eventual response to the key whereabouts issue.

If he has taken the keys my first thought was that he's not answering the phone so when he responds the next day he can use that to avoid speaking about it - "no sorry haven't seen your keys, I fell straight asleep last night was so tired, had a great night etc"

Personally I believe in listening to gut feelings. Even if he hasn't got them, you'll not trust him now and if he does and it's an 'oops I'll drop them off', you'll be wondering if he's made copies.

This is a none starter I think.

Don’t tell work, agree with pp who said that you still don’t actually know if he took them and could create drama. I’d tell them you’re not well, get locks changed and go back to bed. Hope you feel better soon.

@SonicBroom

Don’t tell work, agree with pp who said that you still don’t actually know if he took them and could create drama. I’d tell them you’re not well, get locks changed and go back to bed. Hope you feel better soon.

I agree with this. You can tell your boss the truth, if indeed he has got your keys when you know exactly what’s happened.

I agree re not telling work too just say you are waiting on pcr results/have a migraine etc get lock changed, get some sleep and try to get in for early afternoon.
All the posts around trusting your instinct absolutely spot on sorry op but even if your keys do turn up now you still thought this bloke was capable of taking them.

Your instincts are likely correct; and even if he didn't take the keys, and they somehow got lost in a bizarre way, you've realised this man is 'off' and the relationship is over. Learning to listen to yourself is worth the cost of a locksmith.

Do I message him again? If he’s got the keys and can give them back sharpish I’ll know he can’t have had copies made. I really don’t want to have to call a locksmith out. I do however hear what you’re all saying and know he’s a dud.

Had he been to your house before?

Anything missing?

Sorry - I've been up with a newborn all night (your thread kept me company!)

Anything ELSE missing?

Yes he has, several times. Haven’t noticed anything missing.

Yes, ask again.
Can you see if he’s read your message ?

If he says he has them ask him to post them through your letter box as you have another set and you are at work. Organise for someone to be with you and stay at home. If he lets himself in then you really know..

Change the locks anyway. Give yourself peace of mind. I would tell work because creeps like this guy get away with things when women feel too embarrassed to tell friends, family and colleagues what has gone on.

Congrats @HoseMeDownWithHolyWater. Pleased this thread was with you through the night!

@Wilhelmine

Do I message him again? If he’s got the keys and can give them back sharpish I’ll know he can’t have had copies made. I really don’t want to have to call a locksmith out. I do however hear what you’re all saying and know he’s a dud.

Well what's the worst that can happen? Personally I'd send a breezy "Hey, can you get back to me about the keys ASAP please, I need to lock up to go to work"

@SunshineCake1

If he says he has them ask him to post them through your letter box as you have another set and you are at work. Organise for someone to be with you and stay at home. If he lets himself in then you really know..

Why on earth would you run the risk of him letting himself into your house? That is very poor advice.

Have you tried ringing him ?
I think it’s ok now on a week day. It is an urgent situation.
But to be honest, it might be worth getting them changed anyway. If he has had them, I’d change them, and if he hasn’t you’d need to change anyway.
He could just not admit to having them.