Has my date stolen my keys??

[Wilhelmine]

I’ve just come home with a guy I’ve been for a few dates with after a couple of drinks and we’ve had a coffee and he’s gone home. We’ve been getting on great and knew each other before as acquaintances. He’s a bit intense but nothing scary until tonight when he said “I don’t know what I’d do if this doesn’t work out”. Now I’ve just got ready for bed and can’t find my keys anywhere. I’m well organised and tidy and always know where things are. I’ve messaged him to ask if he picked them up by mistake but no reply. Am I being daft to think he might have taken them? If I can’t find them in the morning I’ll have to get the locks changed and I really don’t want to have to do that.....

I don't think it's hysterical to take sensible precautions or to listen to your gut feeling about someone.

I do think it's wrong to badmouth them and sully their reputation without any evidence though.

True @TextureWool like the poster who declared that as her husband had picked up her set of house keys numerous times without any ill intentions , we are clearly all batshit crazy for daring to presume any ill intentions of this creep man

I do think it's wrong to badmouth them and sully their reputation without any evidence though.

Good job the OP hasn't done this then. She's simply taken a sensible precaution to make sure she feels safe in her own home.

@FOJN no but other posters have suggested that's an OK thing to do.

really @jinglealltheway55 ? Maybe one pp did, but that was not the overall theme of the thread which has focused on personal safety.

And it's really quite shocking to realise that to take reasonable steps to protect your own personal safety is deemed as being "hysterical" by other women

OP please be careful. I hope he is just a harmless odd bod but I'm concerned that if he does have sinister intentions, changing the locks and stopping seeing him might make him angry. Just stay safe and keep your friends and family informed

@authenticforgery

OP please be careful. I hope he is just a harmless odd bod but I'm concerned that if he does have sinister intentions, changing the locks and stopping seeing him might make him angry. Just stay safe and keep your friends and family informed

He'd never be able to let on he knew she changed the locks if she doesn't tell him? He can't get angry without massively showing his hand, I'd be more worried about him playing nice and keeping in touch low key for ages tbh.

I hope he walks away from this quietly OP.

@Sparklfairy this is the point when most men get abusive and show their hand... when the woman pulls away/ends a relationship.

Hopefully the op didn't ever get in too deep for this.

even more need change locks.is so easy to get copy\cut. go with your gut.yknow

[quote icelolly12]@Sparklfairy this is the point when most men get abusive and show their hand... when the woman pulls away/ends a relationship.

Hopefully the op didn't ever get in too deep for this.[/quote]
Oh I'm well experienced in this unfortunately. But its very early, they hadn't slept together, luckily I think its unlikely hes going to text her and say "hey! Why did you change your locks! I couldn't get in with the copies I made!"

Obviously she needs to be on alert but the scary ones are the ones that play the nice guy, back off when she pulls away, but keep in touch now and then to keep the door open in the hope she lets her guard down again in the future. If he gets "angry" its much more clean cut with police etc.

I'm so sorry you went through that @Terfydactyl

Yes I see what you mean @Sparklfairy and at least the op is on her guard now and her spidey senses have well and truly kicked in.

*It doesn't have to happened like that, he saw OPs keys, thought they were his so put in his pocket, used his own keys to get into his house and only later realised that he had a secodn set.

Totally feasible imo and much more likely than him being a key stealing chancer*

Yet this is a man who empties his pockets. So you're saying he takes home an extra set of keys by mistake. Fine. Pulls out his own keys to enter his house. Also fine, but a bit fortuitous. Then he empties his pockets and still doesn't notice he's got two sets. Less likely imo.

@Terfydactyl I am so very sorry you suffered that horrific experience, but appreciate you sharing it. I will keep it in mind but also pass it on to my daughters for future reference and anyone else I know who's moving house Thank you for the warning.

When all's said and done, whatever you think about @Wilhelmine experience here, we should encourage every woman to trust her instincts if nothing less and not be made to feel out of order if she's not comfortable. Regardless of the man, his behaviour, the intentions behind his behaviour, she shouldn't be discouraged from taking the steps she feels necessary in order to have peace of mind and feel safe.

@icelolly12

And it's really quite shocking to realise that to take reasonable steps to protect your own personal safety is deemed as being "hysterical" by other women

On another thread I wondered why so many women, when faced with useless and lying men, accept the lies and the shit behaviour. The answer's here, isn't it, in this thread. The absolute naivety of some women who would need to be bashed over the head with a blunt instrument before they thought someone had less than decent intentions.

[quote icelolly12]@Sparklfairy this is the point when most men get abusive and show their hand... when the woman pulls away/ends a relationship.

Hopefully the op didn't ever get in too deep for this.[/quote]
This is what I meant, thank you for explaining better icelolly. I was concerned that he could kick up the behaviour a level if he's "thwarted".

Yup @HarrisonStickle ... apparently all men are outstanding Gentleman and we must presume the very best of all of them, even when faced with evidence to the contrary that we can see, hear and feel - it is us that's wrong, silly, and "hysterical" we can't blame the men as we wouldn't want to sully their reputation.

I think there’s a worryingly high chance that he’s taken them, is making a copy, and plans to slip the original keys back into your place while you’re asleep for you to ‘discover’ in the morning. I’ve seen this done on tv, perhaos he has too. Change locks asap. A locksmith will come out in evening. Trust your instincts.

He won't know the locks have been changed unless OP tells him, or unless he has had copies made and tries them! No way can he grumble about not being trusted and believed.

A camera doorbell is an excellent next step, I think.

The same people crying "Hysterical! Ridiculous! Paranoid!" would doubtless be the first to blame a woman for being foolish, naive and trusting if a man pulled this stunt on a woman and it all ended up in the papers...

@Wilhelmine

He’s just called. He’s got them and is bringing them over now. Fucking twat. Do I still need to change the locks?

Yes change them all - all of them - he’s copied them no one picks up someone’s keys like that and then ignores the messages - change all the locks immediately it’s only about £40 per lock max from b and Q and ditch him ducking huge red flare right there

I use a webcam on a windowsill overlooking the front path. The bundled software starts recording when it detects movement.

@NewlyGranny

He won't know the locks have been changed unless OP tells him, or unless he has had copies made and tries them! No way can he grumble about not being trusted and believed.

A camera doorbell is an excellent next step, I think.

He seems a bit manipulative so it may have been enough for him to have the keys and return them when he decided to.

A camera could be interesting if he had different intentions.