Has my date stolen my keys??

[Wilhelmine]

I’ve just come home with a guy I’ve been for a few dates with after a couple of drinks and we’ve had a coffee and he’s gone home. We’ve been getting on great and knew each other before as acquaintances. He’s a bit intense but nothing scary until tonight when he said “I don’t know what I’d do if this doesn’t work out”. Now I’ve just got ready for bed and can’t find my keys anywhere. I’m well organised and tidy and always know where things are. I’ve messaged him to ask if he picked them up by mistake but no reply. Am I being daft to think he might have taken them? If I can’t find them in the morning I’ll have to get the locks changed and I really don’t want to have to do that.....

@Terfydactyl so sorry

Let's hope he doesn't read this thread , he would probably go to the police with everything he's been accused of in here by nobody who knows him

'Hello, police? Some random anonymous women I can't identify said some nasty things about me on Mumsnet. No, nobody can identify me, either'.

How well do you think that would go?

@jinglealltheway55 and your post is applicable to you as you think it is to me.

Let's hope he doesn't read this thread , he would probably go to the police with everything he's been accused of in here by nobody who knows him

Officer, officer, I think someone anonymously accused me of maybe doing something bad but they gave no identifying details of themselves or of me. Lock her up and throw away the key!

I'm so glad you had the locks changed.
It could have been a genuine mistake but it just feels too off. I hope you're not too shook up and I hope he backs off without giving you any hassle.

Even without the saga of the missing keys, you are not sure and get an ‘off’ feeling.
Listen to it!

The keys could be a genuine mistake especially if he emptied his pockets onto the table and they look similar.

Doesn’t matter now, concentrate on the other things that have you the ick.

Hope youve had some sleep now!

Have you thought out how you are going to distance yourself from him, OP?

My thoughts: say hello 👋 (I suppose you have to if you see him whilst out walking yr dog), but any request for further contact say you’re busy and also just don’t answer the phone if he rings. Hopefully he’ll get the message over the next few weeks.

PS. I really do believe he took the keys and had them cut. Or else to frighten you, yep some minds are that sick. He sounds quite sinister tbh, TG you have rumbled him. Pls be careful and distance yourself.

Glad you changed the locks.
And @Terfydactyl - so sorry that happened to you, that is horrific.

To me the weirdest thing about this is him emptying his pockets when he’s in your house. Why would anyone do that?

Glad you got your locks changed, sleep well tonight.

I'm so pleased you changed your locks Op.

There are a lot of hysterical overreactions on this thread. But they are irrelevant.

The ONLY relevant FACT is that when your keys were missing, you thought he might have taken them on purpose. That’s not a normal response in most situations, unless your GUT is telling you that you should be concerned. In which case, you listen to your gut.

The fact that that’s where your mind went, means that the relationship is over as you don’t really trust him, and you feel there have been red flags. Nothing else matters, nobody else’s opinion matters.

People shouldn’t be making judgments about u overreacting, or him being an evil weirdo, because we haven’t met either of you. Your uncomfortable instincts are enough of a reason to end the relationship, so ignore anyone who says otherwise.

Don’t ruin his reputation locally, on a hunch though. That’s unfair

I just don't believe that he didn't realise he'd got your keys. Surely as he approached his door he put his hand in his pocket and found two sets of keys? Anyone normal would have contacted you immediately and brought them back to you.

@WillowintheUK

To me the weirdest thing about this is him emptying his pockets when he’s in your house. Why would anyone do that?

Glad you got your locks changed, sleep well tonight.

Probably did it to cover the fact he took the keys. Pre planned. I've no doubt he got copies cut. Glad OP got new locks. For anyone else, gut feeling or simply lost keys (or moved house) change the locks. You dont need a locksmith, most you can do yourself with a YouTube video and tape measure and screwdriver. Or swap with an older set from a different house or swap with a mate. Doesn't matter, change them anyway. And thanks for the flowers pp. It was a long time ago and I tell the story when I can to make people think and spend the time and money changing locks.

I think OP's gut instincts are right. She'll never know 100% for sure of course, but everything else fits. I suspect he enjoyed her FEAR too, ringing him and texting him to ask where the keys were, and knowing she was worried and quite possibly scared. (Fear can be part of the bonding). As I said, quite sinister all-round. If its your own home OP, I would seriously consider getting some security, doorbell camera etc. Its a good thing for a woman living on her own to have anyway. I hope you can distance yourself pleasantly but firmly from him (as you say you live in a small town).

Very sound advice @Derbee

As he mentioned he didn't know what he would do if this doesn't work out, maybe copying the key was his insurance policy for if/when things ended...

As for emptying his pockets. I agree with pp that it was his way of executing his key theft plan. Best case scenario, it is territory marking.

I have some serious family stuff going on at the moment @WorriedMumsDontSleep and have already asked manager if I can take the odd day off here and there. So used that as the reason.

@Wilhelmine

He’s just called. He’s got them and is bringing them over now. Fucking twat. Do I still need to change the locks?

Hi OP

I have read the full thread, so know it's been sorted, but this question from you is worrying!

Now that you've sorted the locks, perhaps time to work on your boundaries and why you didn't listen to your red flags.

Particularly this red flag of him having your keys but not responding to your message or call last night. If your keys and his look similar, as soon as he'd got home he would have realised because he wouldn't be able to get into his house with yours. So why didn't he immediately call you?

@WillowintheUK

To me the weirdest thing about this is him emptying his pockets when he’s in your house. Why would anyone do that?

Glad you got your locks changed, sleep well tonight.

I don't think it's necessarily that weird, although you would think him taking keys & wallet out & putting them together would make it less likely that he would pick up someone else's keys wouldn't you?

Fucking hell, the comments on this thread! Poor man, being accused of all sorts when the poor lamb had jsut 'accidentally' pocketed OPs keys - thereby ensuring that he could get in whenever he liked.
But as we know, women are hysterical and think the damn worst of men, even though rapes and assaults and violence in the home never happen, right? Why would anyone feel the need to change the fucking locks if a person who OP doesn't want in her house - has keys?

You did good, OP. It's a lot of money, but priceless for your peace of mind. And your safety.

Exactly @lorca. I'm astounded that so many posters think it's hysterical to change the locks from someone who gives you the heebie-jeebies because you know men never attack, rape or murder women do they... oh wait

Some responses have been goady I agree. But I think alot of those posters clearly haven't read the whole thread or else are naieve and perhaps have led very sheltered lives.

Send him locksmith bill if he gets funny!