Has my date stolen my keys??

[Wilhelmine]

I’ve just come home with a guy I’ve been for a few dates with after a couple of drinks and we’ve had a coffee and he’s gone home. We’ve been getting on great and knew each other before as acquaintances. He’s a bit intense but nothing scary until tonight when he said “I don’t know what I’d do if this doesn’t work out”. Now I’ve just got ready for bed and can’t find my keys anywhere. I’m well organised and tidy and always know where things are. I’ve messaged him to ask if he picked them up by mistake but no reply. Am I being daft to think he might have taken them? If I can’t find them in the morning I’ll have to get the locks changed and I really don’t want to have to do that.....

@frazzledasarock

Wouldn’t tell locksmith but I would tell people. Don’t care if it would sully his reputation. He shouldn’t have taken and kept OP’s keys overnight without calling her and letting her know about his ‘mistake’.

He’s a creep, and other women should be warned.

Tbf though he might not have noticed. And not everyone is glued to glued to phone. If he hadnt called her today then yeah that wouldnt be ok but for all we know he went to bed after he got home yesterday. Or his phone was off or needing charged.

Yes his behaviour is creepy in general. But you can't say 'women need to be warned' based on the key incident just because he didn't call her back that night.

*Couldn’t agree more. I’m sure I’ll get abuse for this but honestly this is one of the most ridiculously mental threads I’ve ever read on here.

Thanks to encouragement from the usual sort of sideline drama creators..

Between 12:45 and 1:35am Uk time you convinced yourself someone you have known for ages and liked enough to date has stolen your keys because he bought flowers and chocolate before you had a date, offered to buy a sofa and said overly-intense words to you.

By 4am UK time whatever the situation he was clearly a wrong-un and was likely copying your keys using blue tac for some plan of ongoing stalking.

By 7:30am UK time the fact he hadn’t replied to messages OBVIOUSLY meant he was waiting at an ‘open really early and ask no questions’ locksmith to get copies made.

Fuck me bandy this place is absolute batshit sometimes. It’s a real shame for you all that in your world a mistake is far less likely than a malicious plan of evil.

Some of the ‘jump in and make people as paranoid as possible and agree with every stupid possibility’ people really need to take a look at themselves. What a godawful way to live your existence.*

If a friend of yours rang you to say that they thought the man they had recently started dating (and who was acting a bit intensely) had stolen their keys, what advice would you give?

Yep. It's not "hysteria" to point out that, logically, it's pretty unlikely someone would get all the way home with TWO sets of keys (especially as he's someone who "empties his pockets" once he enters a house) and not realize he had an extra set, and not be thoughtful enough to text the OP to see if he had taken hers.

His story is weird and, combined with other icky behaviour that's been detailed by others above, means that OP is totally justified in breaking things off and deciding that her radar is giving her signals.

Brushing that aside is a far more silly and emotional response than looking at this man's pattern of behaviour and saying "Hmmm, better take some steps for personal safety and peace of mind here."

@Woohooforwine

I think you’ve been watching too much ‘you’ and it’s an innocent mistake but if you’re feeling uneasy and have noted other red flags then I’d end it anyway.

I've told this story before under a different name. I moved house. It was the second or third time I'd moved. I never changed locks cos its expensive, no one else bothers, who's likely to keep a key for a previous property and more reasons that I don't even remember at this point. About a month later i got home and knew without a doubt something had been moved, but I doubted myself, called myself paranoid, called myself hysterical blah blah. I was home one day through the day, felt rough, went to bed to sleep a while. Then I was raped in broad daylight by a previous owner who had kept his bloody key. Change the fucking locks, every time you move, every time your keys go missing, every time you think a boyfriend has very oddly taken your keys. Just change the locks.

@Autumnscene

DONT GET A DOOR RING I know people who have one and they’ve been burgled as it obviously advertises that you are not in !!!

No it doesn't, all it shows is that you aren't always home (as is true for most people anyway, ring doorbell or not) but are likely to be alerted to a robbery or someone scouting out your house.

So sorry @Terfydactyl.

I am about to move and have been debating whether to lock change, I will definitely be doing it now I have heard your story

As for OPs key scenario, I would rather be hysterical and safe than trusting and at risk.

Fine - some things about him don’t sit right with you so you don’t see him and will change your locks. You can certainly do that for your own price of mind.

None of that means he stole your keys though. And people commenting otherwise wouldn’t have a clue if what they were saying is true.

*peace of mind

@Terfydactyl

Bloody hell @Terfydactyl I'm so so so sorry you went through that

larkspur "By 7:30am UK time the fact he hadn’t replied to messages OBVIOUSLY meant he was waiting at an ‘open really early and ask no questions’ locksmith to get copies made."

Um, I have never ever met a locksmith who asked questions about copies and in London many will be open at that time.

some 24 hour supermarkets now have key cutting machines.

@parentingperson

So he would have picked up two sets of keys when leaving. Both his own and yours. Got home, emptied pockets or potentially realise at the door if he pulled your keys out first and they didn't work in the lock. Then had his early night without mentioning any of this to you?

Sounds unbelievable if Ive understood correctly. Did he explain himself?

It doesn't have to happened like that, he saw OPs keys, thought they were his so put in his pocket, used his own keys to get into his house and only later realised that he had a secodn set.

Totally feasible imo and much more likely than him being a key stealing chancer

@Terfydactyl that is bloody horrific.

@frazzledasarock that's a horrible attitude. You have no idea if this was intentional or not but you would happily sully someone's reputation over it. You sound nice.

What's wrong with just accepting that you don't like the guy, you don't want to see him again and that's the end of it. Absolutely no need to try and paint him as some sort of psycho when there is not one jot of evidence to suggest otherwise. Maybe he is a perv who had sinister intentions. Maybe it was an innocent mistake. Nobody, including OP, can ever know for certain so while it's sensible for OP to protect herself it's totally unfair for the guy to be painted in such a light. Other than a few offish remarks what has he actually done wrong?

I wonder how you'd feel if it were your son or father having his name dragged through the mud over what could have been an innocent mistake.

I changed all my barrels myself when XH left (I was skint!). They were eurolocks or something like that, about £35 each on Amazon which meant that I did three for the price of a locksmith doing one.

Really easy.

@Terfydactyl

Fucking hell. So sorry that happened to you.

@jinglealltheway55 I'd be asking my husband/son/male relative why the hell he hadn't told the poor woman he had her keys as soon as he emptied his pockets on getting home and seeing two sets of keys and realising.

You can accidentally pick up someone's keys.

If you have a habit of emptying your pockets, so much so you do it at other peoples houses, so you definitely would at home. Then you would notice as soon as you got home.

It takes literally seconds to text OMG I think I picked your keys up I am so sorry, I will bring them by first thing tomorrow.

Also find it odd he didn't once check his phone on entering his house to see if OP had messaged after their date.

So nope I wouldn't give a shiny crap, I'd tell everyone.

I agree, I don’t know if he purposely took keys and I’ll never know. But I’m glad I changed the locks because now I can sleep/leave the house without any niggling worry.

Glad you changed the locks OP. You had the feelings and that is enough.

Terfydactyl I'm so sorry

Thank you @Noshowlomo

@Wilhelmine why on earth would you tell the locksmith the story? You asked the same thing about your boss… seems like you’re enjoying the drama! Just block him and move on.

I assume the boss would want to know why an unplanned day holiday is being taken.

Under no obligation to say, but I think I might be relatively honest if only to protect myself from accusations of being flaky.

Ah great stuff, hope you have a lovely night's sleep tonight @Wilhelmine

@frazzledasarock in the nicest possible way, that is utterly moronic. You are judging a complete stranger's behaviour as if you know them and what's normal for them. You are jumping to conclusions and making assumptions based on what you think they should have done which is ridiculous. You can't possibly know.

You're not an oracle. You can't see into this man's head and know his intentions. By all means have your suspicions but to act as if they are concrete evidence of wrongdoing is so very very stupid.

I sincerely hope that you never make a mistake and have your name dragged through the mud because of it.