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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Has my date stolen my keys??

999 replies

Wilhelmine · 28/11/2021 23:48

I’ve just come home with a guy I’ve been for a few dates with after a couple of drinks and we’ve had a coffee and he’s gone home. We’ve been getting on great and knew each other before as acquaintances. He’s a bit intense but nothing scary until tonight when he said “I don’t know what I’d do if this doesn’t work out”. Now I’ve just got ready for bed and can’t find my keys anywhere. I’m well organised and tidy and always know where things are. I’ve messaged him to ask if he picked them up by mistake but no reply. Am I being daft to think he might have taken them? If I can’t find them in the morning I’ll have to get the locks changed and I really don’t want to have to do that.....

OP posts:
Wilhelmine · 29/11/2021 14:49

The locksmith is hopefully on his way. Once I have new locks and going to end it with the oddball.

OP posts:
Goldendeliciousness · 29/11/2021 14:49

How did you get in the house without the keys???????????

Sorry if this has already been answered but I've been watching this thread and it's bugging me Grin

WorriedMumsDontSleep · 29/11/2021 14:50

@Wilhelmine, well in fairness to you one doesn't expect to have to guard their property from dates.

I hope you managed to get the locks changed. Consider it an investment in many good night sleep to come.

SoupDragon · 29/11/2021 14:51

@Goldendeliciousness

How did you get in the house without the keys???????????

Sorry if this has already been answered but I've been watching this thread and it's bugging me Grin

She didn't. She got into the house with keys.

Before they were accidentally picked up

WorriedMumsDontSleep · 29/11/2021 14:51

@Goldendeliciousness

How did you get in the house without the keys???????????

Sorry if this has already been answered but I've been watching this thread and it's bugging me Grin

She had the keys to let him and herself in. So he took them some time between then and her seeing him to the door, I would assume.
Lollyneenah · 29/11/2021 14:52

Oh OP Flowerswell done you for listening to your instincts. Won't regale you with the whole sorry tale but this happened to me too.
If you fancy a very good read - try The Gift of Fear. It's excellent at helping you understand and recognise these weirdos before they get close enough to pull this shit.

WorriedMumsDontSleep · 29/11/2021 14:53

I think that's the best port of call @Wilhelmine. You don't owe him anything and it doesn't sound like you were particularly enjoying the dates anyway.

AsymQuestion · 29/11/2021 14:55

Using the word hysterical, that old cracker always gets slapped on the table doesn't it, when a woman is anything other than completely cool-girl-relaxed about men doing or saying things that make them uncomfortable. Hmm

Most people within the thread are not saying it is impossible for him to have genuinely picked up her keys by mistake. But are saying more unlikely, given the further string of events and his previous OTT behaviour:
*Flowers, wine & a card (!?!) Before even meeting
*Offering seriously to buy a £500 coffee table for someone you've been on a few dates with.
*Saying 'I don't know what I'd do if this doesn't work out'. Out loud. To the person you've just started dating, that you really don't know well, is batshit. It's creepy and most of all it is manipulative. It is meant to make nice woman think: oh gosh I can't hurt this nice man who has already bought me flowers twice.
Then:
Empties pockets - where we don't know in relation to where OP has put her keys. But unless his keys were also practically directly on top of hers, why didn't he notice there were two or if car keys separate, three diff sets of keys! Again not impossible but then..
Picks up his belongings before leaving, assuming he doesn't use a bag, everything placed in his jeans or coat pocket. Keys carry a weight, is noticeable... Yeah, not impossible that he doesn't notice.
Unsure if he got in a car to go home, if he does, Doesn't notice keys when checking pockets to access key.
Gets all the way home and on entering his own house still doesn't notice he's carrying an extra set.
Once inside takes off coat/clothes and we assume empties pockets and STILL doesn't notice.
OP texts and calls and no answer.
By this point it is at very least questionable.

OP we'd love to know what kind of apology/in depth explanation he gave, besides the keyring similarity, was he acting normally?

Also, quite a few posters have reiterated that this has happened to them, someone they know or someone in the news. I don't know what's hysterical about this outcome also being possible.

To the person who said meet up with him in public and see how she feels...EH? WHY should this be her priority, he has just kept her awake all night long, worrying, losing a day of work, lock changing money. Bad advice for someone who has already said she needs to work on boundaries.

Hope you've managed a nap by now OP!

Plantsandpuddlesuits · 29/11/2021 14:56

Hope you are ok @Wilhelmine. Something has stood out for me. You say when he brought your keys back he showed you his keys which were the same as yours. Are you sure they aren't literally the same as he's had them cut? Round here key cutter places open 8.30.

Also you said be empties his pockets while he was with you, in which case then surely he would have noticed he had picked up two sets ok keys, his and yours. It would make more sense if he just picked up yours by accident and left his at your house.

Sorry I don't mean to worry you just these things stood out.

Has the locksmith been yet?

LadyBrienne · 29/11/2021 14:59

@Wilhelmine sounds like you are taking the right course of action - I’d put money on this being deliberate - reason why is that even if your keys look alike, and even if he emptied his pockets at your house, he would have had to put two sets back into his pockets to take your keys too - and as soon as he got home and reached for his keys, he would have found two sets … a decent guy would immediately return them or at least call or text you and let you know his mistake - he didn’t do this

TextureWool · 29/11/2021 15:00

A bit scary. Glad you're OK OP, and changing the locks (what a fag though I know but glad you're out of the situation too).

Moral of the story to me: never let a man into your own, private home unless you are sure who he is, genuine affections and connection has been established, and there are zero red flags.

TextureWool · 29/11/2021 15:01

in fact I'm going to embolden that too: zero red flags

RB68 · 29/11/2021 15:01

I remember meeting a few friends at someones tiny house, liturally walk in and fall over the furniture etc. As she let me in she said to me, oh can you lock the door behind you as it can blow open and also right on the street etc - no problem turned key etc. When we came to go home there were no keys and she was panicking and I remembered last in and instructions - I went Oh I was last in maybe I pocketed them by mistake hang on oh yes here so sorry etc Well you would have thought I had murdered her first born she had a real go at me - I just said its automatic lock the door keys in pocket or bag etc. But she was weird with me long after - I just let things drift thought she was well OTT for what was a genuine whoops. So it can happen but yes along with OTT behaviour slightly different.

icelolly12 · 29/11/2021 15:01

@Wilhelmine Very pleased to hear that you are getting your locks changed. Grin

A sensible action when your keys to your home, your place of safety have been out of your possession and into a strangers. Money well spent. Glad you are putting your personal safety first and sounds like you are well rid of that creep.

Wilhelmine · 29/11/2021 15:07

I’m relieved I’m having it done. Thank you everyone for being with me on my journey! He said another off thing last night too - thought it odd that I lived near to my ex. To which I replied we did it for DD when we got divorced and we’re mates now. I could see it made him feel uncomfortable (he doesn’t have kids). I also wear an old engagement ring on my right hand (relationship after ex-H but we never got married). He questioned me about that too - none of his fucking business!

OP posts:
TeeBee · 29/11/2021 15:09

OP, sounds like your instincts are working just fine!

Wilhelmine · 29/11/2021 15:10

Shall I tell the locksmith the story? He’s been before when DD lost her keys!

OP posts:
AffableApple · 29/11/2021 15:10

Doesn't matter if he did or not.

  1. You immediately thought it was highly possible he could have. He had become intense and scary. Your instincts said: "Hang on, here."
  2. There were many coincidences which made it highly possible.

Change the locks. Move on.

DaisyNGO · 29/11/2021 15:12

@Wilhelmine

Shall I tell the locksmith the story? He’s been before when DD lost her keys!
No Don't be telling strangers your personal business

The first thing the locksmith will think, if he's a het male, is "here's a vulnerable woman".

icelolly12 · 29/11/2021 15:14

@Wilhelmine

Shall I tell the locksmith the story? He’s been before when DD lost her keys!
No, you never know who he knows or who he might tell the story to etc
purplesequins · 29/11/2021 15:14

@Wilhelmine

Shall I tell the locksmith the story? He’s been before when DD lost her keys!
just tell him that you lost the keys if he asks. or just say nothingZ
Sparklfairy · 29/11/2021 15:15

@Wilhelmine

Shall I tell the locksmith the story? He’s been before when DD lost her keys!
I wouldn't bother tbh. He doesn't need to know at all.
CSJobseeker · 29/11/2021 15:16

He won't care. People lose keys and change locks all the time.

DaisyNGO · 29/11/2021 15:17

I'm puzzled it even occurred to you to tell the locksmith the story.

CSJobseeker · 29/11/2021 15:19

Women are socialised to seek male approval for their decisions and actions.