Has my date stolen my keys??

[Wilhelmine]

I’ve just come home with a guy I’ve been for a few dates with after a couple of drinks and we’ve had a coffee and he’s gone home. We’ve been getting on great and knew each other before as acquaintances. He’s a bit intense but nothing scary until tonight when he said “I don’t know what I’d do if this doesn’t work out”. Now I’ve just got ready for bed and can’t find my keys anywhere. I’m well organised and tidy and always know where things are. I’ve messaged him to ask if he picked them up by mistake but no reply. Am I being daft to think he might have taken them? If I can’t find them in the morning I’ll have to get the locks changed and I really don’t want to have to do that.....

I guess apart from the keys thing, which could be a genuine mistake, it seems he could be in love the concept of you as 'my girlfriend' more than actually relating to you as a person.
He's more comfortable buying you stuff to show his feelings than he can actually relate to you, maybe.
When he says 'I don't know what I'll do if this doesn't work out' - well that is him focusing on how this relationship failure might impact him. That's the important part for him - he's always asking himself these questions - what does this say about me, how does this make me look good and acceptable to others, does this help me fit into society or be rejected?
That might be a barrier to him being able to really relate to you.

Can he really enjoy the moments with you person to person having a laugh if his mind is fully of worries about keeping you?
Are you a person to him or a project/agenda that he needs to get to be successful.

@Wilhelmine

What do I do if he calls early to say he’s got them ( too early to find somewhere to get keys cut?). And offers to drop them off?

Havent read the thread so no idea if someone else has said this.

It's really easy to take a wax impression of a key and get it copied that way without the original.

Even though you've now got them back I'd get the locks changed immediately regardless.

People don't pick up two sets of keys by accident, nor do they fail to text at night after finding they brought someone's keys home. It's implausible. Sensible people spend a few pounds on locks rather than take the risk that this guy is a problem. It would also invalidate insurance if she had a stealth burglary after being aware someone had the keys.

If this guy somehow genuinely took them by mistake, nobody is harmed by new locks. OP is worried by by him anyway, so she should dump him; again no harm as this should happen even without the keys incident.

Make sure you completely trust anyone you’ve given a spare set to and try to pick people you are not likely to fall out with. If you do give them to the wrong person and this leads to a break-in or burglary, your home insurance is very likely to be void, as explained above.

www.moneyexpert.com/home-insurance/house-keys/

@Lweji

By the way, bonkers level of hysteria would be going straight to the police and install an alarm on every window, including CCTV. Changing locks is just a basic safety measure when your keys went missing with someone you don't fully trust.

Actually it was suggested that op calls the police by some posters, it’s not the op that’s been ott it’s a lot of the posts on here

Hope you've managed to get some sleep op!

Take it easy on your day off.

It may have been an accidental pick up...maybe...if he was really drunk when he left and if he usually leaves his keys in the same place you do yours.

But tbh, I'd be worried he got them copied. Just based on his full on creepiness. Maybe his ex told him to do one before he had the chance to copy hers so he is acting in advance now. Or maybe it was a power move to leave you worrying the whole night about something else had control over. Who knows.

Don't risk it, change the locks, dump the oddball.

Haven't read the full thread but I think gut feeling plays a big part here.

This could quite easily have been a genuine mistake. MN is prone to bouts of hysteria over these sort of things and you will always get posters imagining the absolute worse case scenario and frightening you with it.

Having said that, there have been other red flags and if something feels off I absolutely believe a woman should protect herself. In this case it's as simple as a lock change so for the sake of a small amount of money and little time it takes, I would probably do it for the peace of mind.

As for seeing him again, that's where your gut instinct comes in. Do you really believe he has done this on purpose with sinister intentions? If there is any doubt then make your excuses. But I do think sometimes the lynching of complete strangers by people on here is a little OTT. Op you are the only one who knows this guy so it's up to you to make the call. Just be careful always.

I've definitely picked up things - I once put my ex's wallet in my handbag when we had only been on a few dates. He was looking for it in his extremely tidy apartment and getting very agitated. I stook smiling then after a few minutes said oh here it is and held it up. He looked extremely taken aback and I ironically was quite offended. It was a genuine error which would make no sense to someone ordered like him as it looked nothing like my own wallet and I had presumably just hurled it into my bag with all my other stuff on the table. Thankfully he stuck with me and discovered I wasn't a thief or after his money.

But you have a bad feeling about this guy. I would listen to it. The comment, furniture purchase attempt is strange.

I think this may not have been an accident with the keys. Listen to your instincts. Change the locks. Don't see him again.

Good luck OP.

*Lweji

"By the way, bonkers level of hysteria would be going straight to the police and install an alarm on every window, including CCTV.
Changing locks is just a basic safety measure when your keys went missing with someone you don't fully trust."

Actually it was suggested that op calls the police by some posters, it’s not the op that’s been ott it’s a lot of the posts on here

Two people said to call the police, on a long thread. But you didn't specify those people were hysterical. Just the whole thread.

If changing locks is hysterical in a situation like this, then I suppose most people are. We should all be locked up and medicated.

A lot of posters are acting as if this man is going to break in in the middle of the night and murder the op like some kind of axe murderer... If he wanted to do that he could have done it last night, he didn’t, the most likely situation is that it was a mistake but there’s definitely posters on here who like making a drama out of nothing.

Missing the point there. Posters have, as the op has, deduced that his behaviour and the situation is odd. There are several scenarios that posters are suggesting it's worth risk guarding for:
If he took it to appear to be a white knight, this amount of deception at the beginning of a relationship is not good or normal.

If he took it to exercise control. See above.

If he took it to have keys cut so he could access for any reason, love bombing, romantic meal cooked. Not normal. Not good.
2 women killed everyweek by non axe murderers.
Women murdered by men in trusted positions in the community.

Why would you want to minimise someone's sense a man is off. What do you gain?

I stook smiling then after a few minutes said oh here it is and held it up. He looked extremely taken aback

Have I understood this right?

You knew you had the keys (albeit you'd initially picked them up accidentally), but you watched, smiling, while he got agitated and panicked searching for them, then eventually held them up and admitted you had them?

Fucking hell. That's some shitty behaviour right there.

@Nowomenaroundeh

I've definitely picked up things - I once put my ex's wallet in my handbag when we had only been on a few dates. He was looking for it in his extremely tidy apartment and getting very agitated. I stook smiling then after a few minutes said oh here it is and held it up. He looked extremely taken aback and I ironically was quite offended. It was a genuine error which would make no sense to someone ordered like him as it looked nothing like my own wallet and I had presumably just hurled it into my bag with all my other stuff on the table. Thankfully he stuck with me and discovered I wasn't a thief or after his money.

But you have a bad feeling about this guy. I would listen to it. The comment, furniture purchase attempt is strange.

I think this may not have been an accident with the keys. Listen to your instincts. Change the locks. Don't see him again.

Good luck OP.

The more I read this the weirder it is. You can't accidentally pick up a fucking wallet.

Were you testing him or what? It sounds utterly manipulative and horrible.

@Wilhelmine
I picked up my keys in error instead of mums as we too had identical new keys on a generic ring

It is an understandable error but I’d still get chubs changed
If same lock, it should fit the mortise ok and you could fit it yourself?

@TurnUpTurnip

A lot of posters are acting as if this man is going to break in in the middle of the night and murder the op like some kind of axe murderer... If he wanted to do that he could have done it last night, he didn’t, the most likely situation is that it was a mistake but there’s definitely posters on here who like making a drama out of nothing.

Couldn’t agree more. I’m sure I’ll get abuse for this but honestly this is one of the most ridiculously mental threads I’ve ever read on here.

Thanks to encouragement from the usual sort of sideline drama creators..

Between 12:45 and 1:35am Uk time you convinced yourself someone you have known for ages and liked enough to date has stolen your keys because he bought flowers and chocolate before you had a date, offered to buy a sofa and said overly-intense words to you.

By 4am UK time whatever the situation he was clearly a wrong-un and was likely copying your keys using blue tac for some plan of ongoing stalking.

By 7:30am UK time the fact he hadn’t replied to messages OBVIOUSLY meant he was waiting at an ‘open really early and ask no questions’ locksmith to get copies made.

Fuck me bandy this place is absolute batshit sometimes. It’s a real shame for you all that in your world a mistake is far less likely than a malicious plan of evil.

Some of the ‘jump in and make people as paranoid as possible and agree with every stupid possibility’ people really need to take a look at themselves. What a godawful way to live your existence.

And yes I know I’m going to now get flamed but I really don’t care

The other thing that is odd and doesn't stack up is from ops posts she's very tidy and organised. She doesn't come across as the 'dump keys on the table type'.
So did he take them out of a bowl or off a hanger.

A lot of posters are acting as if this man is going to break in in the middle of the night and murder the op like some kind of axe murderer... If he wanted to do that he could have done it last night, he didn’t, the most likely situation is that it was a mistake but there’s definitely posters on here who like making a drama out of nothing.

It doesn't matter what the most likely scenario is. Just risk assess this. Someone she does not know very well, but who has previously exhibited odd behaviour, had her keys for enough time to get them copied. That means there is a risk that he could later break in without her knowing. He could come and go as he pleases. You don't steal keys for situations when breaking in would do - you steal keys when you want stealthy access.

There's a reasonable chance that his intentions were not good. Could be so he can gaslight the OP, could be so he could spy on her, could be a power trip, any number of things. Is it a racing certainty? No. Is it probable enough that an insurance company would advise changing the locks? Yes.

Let's hope he doesn't read this thread , he would probably go to the police with everything he's been accused of in here by nobody who knows him.

you convinced yourself someone you have known for ages and liked enough to date has stolen your keys because he bought flowers and chocolate before you had a date, offered to buy a sofa and said overly-intense words to you.

She's known him as a dog walking acquaintance for ages. That's not actually the same as knowing someone properly for ages. She's only been dating him a few weeks.

And sometimes people creep us out or unsettle us through very small things - mannerisms, small remarks etc. It's not irrational to pick up on those and question whether this is someone that you should trust.

Thing is I can’t remember where I put my keys @WorriedMumsDontSleep. I usually put them in a dish but sometimes on the table. I’d had a couple of glasses of wine....

Soo have you had your locks changed @Wilhelmine

@butterpuffed

Let's hope he doesn't read this thread , he would probably go to the police with everything he's been accused of in here by nobody who knows him.

Saying what? "I'm almost certain a thread on a forum is about me. No officer, they don't mention me by name. No officer, there's no picture of me or links to my SM. Please, arrest these people for slander immediately!".

Locksmiths don't ask questions. My last set I got in under ten minutes.

@butterpuffed

Let's hope he doesn't read this thread , he would probably go to the police with everything he's been accused of in here by nobody who knows him.

Yes, do let's.

Can you take keys by accident?
I was in work, a customer took a phone call,and looked in her handbag.
Yes, she had been in the bank managers office, and yes she did have his keys , and yes she would bring them back at once! She was mortified.
We would also find a set of keys about once a month, which people have put down.
As for the boyfriend...I assume he is an ex.