Has my date stolen my keys??

[Wilhelmine]

I’ve just come home with a guy I’ve been for a few dates with after a couple of drinks and we’ve had a coffee and he’s gone home. We’ve been getting on great and knew each other before as acquaintances. He’s a bit intense but nothing scary until tonight when he said “I don’t know what I’d do if this doesn’t work out”. Now I’ve just got ready for bed and can’t find my keys anywhere. I’m well organised and tidy and always know where things are. I’ve messaged him to ask if he picked them up by mistake but no reply. Am I being daft to think he might have taken them? If I can’t find them in the morning I’ll have to get the locks changed and I really don’t want to have to do that.....

Why the fuck is anyone trying to claim that this is normal, innocent behaviour and all a massive misunderstanding?

Its really odd isn't it. The OP needs to listen to her instincts.

If you read this thread without emotion it does seem like a reasonable excuse and positive outcome, and an over reaction on your part.

However, I'm a big believer in trusting your gut instinct and if it doesn't feel right, it probably isn't. Hope you're feeling calmer now.

@lechatnoir

I still don't get the continued hysteria here . Yes he could be a psychopath but isn't it more likely that he got home late (op posted at nearly midnight and presumably he doesn't live round the corner), emptied his pockets and realised he had her keys. He knew she was safely at home so wasn't locked out or anything and planned to ring her first thing (which he did) and return them that morning (which he also did). Not everyone has their phone glued to them to see messages and surely most people have their phone on mute at night or it would wake you up with all the annoying pinging noises! And let's not forget They look almost identically to yours so another perfectly reasonable & rational explanation as to why he took them in the first place.

Clearly he's an oddball and definitely trust your instincts & end it, but the idea that he is rushing out to get a copy or making imprints in bluetack are so unlikely you all sound hysterical (& I don't know how you sleep at night if you live on that level of fear and distrust).

Because if he's an oddball, it's hard to predict whether he's going to do something odd like getting keys cut, and once he realised a quick text would have been adequate.

I sleep at night knowing the only people with keys to my house are me and my partner, and those keys are safely with us.

My then DP took my keys by mistake too after one of our first few dates.
I found it cute as he rushed the next day to me to bring them- he lived 60 miles away at that time.
I wasn’t panicking at all.
I was actually happy that he has them and that I did not lose them .
He is my husband now so nothing sinister.

He knew she was safely at home so wasn't locked out or anything and planned to ring her first thing (which he did) and return them that morning (which he also did).

If I had walked off with something as important as someone's house keys, I'd ring them as soon as I discovered. Even at 2am, and especially if the person had been ringing and texting me already!

I have taken work keys and phones home on numerous occasions and not realised until the next morning when I have picked my uniform up off the floor where I dropped it. So I can see why he might not have realised he had them.

Change the locks like you are doing (don’t just get the quotes - get it done ASAP).

Buy a ring doorbell anyway.

Seriously bad vibes from what you said. Always follow that instinct.

@WorriedMumsDontSleep

I wonder if the same people trying to play this down and the same people that indulge in victim blaming and not all men when something does happen.

One of them definitely is - I recognise them from other threads.

I think you’ve been watching too much ‘you’ and it’s an innocent mistake but if you’re feeling uneasy and have noted other red flags then I’d end it anyway.

I don’t think the OP has been hysterical but I think a lot of posters are keen to whip up some frenzy. If I lost my keys my first thought would not be that my friend stole them. Maybe that my friend picked them up by accident. I’m pretty sure that things get picked up by accident fairly often and the majority of people in the world are not psychopathic murderers or rapists. The fact that your instant thought was theft and not a mistake is worth thinking about. There is something about the connection between you that took you down that thought process. Anything else is absolute speculation on the part of everyone else.

For all those posters who think the OP is over reacting, Google the name Shana Grice. Her stalking ex boyfriend stole her keys and later on got into her house and slit her throat!. Please OP, I don't want tore you,but please, please change your locks ASAP.

Change the locks for the sake of a few pounds

@Divebar2021

I don’t think the OP has been hysterical but I think a lot of posters are keen to whip up some frenzy. If I lost my keys my first thought would not be that my friend stole them. Maybe that my friend picked them up by accident. I’m pretty sure that things get picked up by accident fairly often and the majority of people in the world are not psychopathic murderers or rapists. The fact that your instant thought was theft and not a mistake is worth thinking about. There is something about the connection between you that took you down that thought process. Anything else is absolute speculation on the part of everyone else.

Or maybe the very fact her mind jumped to the fact he had taken them on purpose is a sign that something is off... women's intuition and all that.

I've not read all 600+ posts but if they're Yale locks you don't need to change the whole thing, you can replace the barrel, much cheaper, University of YouTube tells you how

we had to do it loads of times when the girls were young!

Clearly he's an oddball and definitely trust your instincts & end it, but the idea that he is rushing out to get a copy or making imprints in bluetack are so unlikely you all sound hysterical (& I don't know how you sleep at night if you live on that level of fear and distrust).

If someone I barely knew, who nonetheless gave off fairly odd vibes, had had my house keys for long enough to get copies made I would not be sleeping well at night. Would you? Really?

As it is I sleep fine, but that's in part because I know my house is secure.

Is it not just a genuine mistake on his part?

@Wilhelmine

I’m getting quotes from locksmiths. I don’t think I want to see him again after this, I wasn’t sure about him in the first place. Christ all I wanted was a male companion to go to concerts/out for dinner/go on long walks with and I end up with all this hassle. I seriously think I could fucking punch him in the face and I’m not a violent person.

It's totally understandable that you feel this way. I do have to ask though, what if it was a genuine mistake? I would firstly get the locks changed, then get a decent night's sleep and maybe meet up with him for a coffee IN PUBLIC! Then see how you feel? I do get it, that there's a risk that it was deliberate. However if it was a mistake and the 'red flags' were just him being besotted with you (not always a negative thing! It can be quite sweet) then it would be very sad for it to end. Obviously you'll never know for certain if he did get a key copied but I think of you have a coffee with him, you'll have a better idea by the end of that date. Just don't let him walk you home or anything, especially if you still feel uneasy.

@NCnotmyusualone

How the heck is he going to explain why he has them?? In more than 50 years on this earth I have never once gone to someone else’s house and accidentally walked out with their keys. It’s just not a thing. (And I say that as someone who can be seriously scatty).

Definitely change the locks, he’s had plenty of time to get copies cut this morning.

Exactly this!

I can't believe all the minimising going on on this thread. What does OP have to lose if she is wrong and it was an innocent mistake? A potential relationship with a guy who she already finds creepy for other reasons? Whereas if she is right and he has made copies of her keys, the consequences could be much worse. Surely when you weigh up risk, you don't just consider the chances of something happening, you also consider the potential impact?

Am genuinely confused about the number of women who wouldn't be worried when an almost stranger who was already creeping them out, ends up with their house keys with absolutely zero communication on the night he clearly discovered it. What if the OP had had an emergency to get to in the middle of the night, or an earlier start then he had woken up - imagine not being able to go because you can't lock your house!

Trust surely needs to be earned. What's the point of all the fancy locks and bolts, and alarms and insurance, if you can just brush off random men you date ending up with your house keys anyway. And given that statistically most murder/rapes are committed by people the victim knows, of course it's better to be safe than sorry, surely.

@todaysdilemma

Am genuinely confused about the number of women who wouldn't be worried when an almost stranger who was already creeping them out, ends up with their house keys with absolutely zero communication on the night he clearly discovered it. What if the OP had had an emergency to get to in the middle of the night, or an earlier start then he had woken up - imagine not being able to go because you can't lock your house!

Trust surely needs to be earned. What's the point of all the fancy locks and bolts, and alarms and insurance, if you can just brush off random men you date ending up with your house keys anyway. And given that statistically most murder/rapes are committed by people the victim knows, of course it's better to be safe than sorry, surely.

Nobody is saying they wouldn't be worried. Just that they wouldn't immediately presume the worst

I would firstly get the locks changed, then get a decent night's sleep and maybe meet up with him for a coffee IN PUBLIC! Then see how you feel?

Eh?!

Or maybe the very fact her mind jumped to the fact he had taken them on purpose is a sign that something is off... women's intuition and all that

Yes exactly that. Why did you think theft and not a mistake? It immediately alarmed you .. you don’t need to prove anything other than that to stop contact with him.

@IDontLikeMondays88

Is it not just a genuine mistake on his part?

Only he knows the answer to that. As others have said, the OP needs to change the locks and get a Ring doorbell for peace of mind, given that she can't know whether it was a genuine mistake or not.

I do have to ask though, what if it was a genuine mistake?

If it was a genuine mistake, the OP will have spent a relatively small amount of money on a new lock, which wasn't needed, and she'll have ended a relationship with a guy who she found creepy anyway. No big deal.