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Original poster

Has my date stolen my keys??

999 replies

Wilhelmine · 28/11/2021 23:48

I’ve just come home with a guy I’ve been for a few dates with after a couple of drinks and we’ve had a coffee and he’s gone home. We’ve been getting on great and knew each other before as acquaintances. He’s a bit intense but nothing scary until tonight when he said “I don’t know what I’d do if this doesn’t work out”. Now I’ve just got ready for bed and can’t find my keys anywhere. I’m well organised and tidy and always know where things are. I’ve messaged him to ask if he picked them up by mistake but no reply. Am I being daft to think he might have taken them? If I can’t find them in the morning I’ll have to get the locks changed and I really don’t want to have to do that.....

OP posts:
Wingutyoy · 29/11/2021 12:46

@CSJobseeker

Mine does. But if you have the keys you can get in...

Same here - that's kind of the point of the keys!

Same here, I don't need a key to lock the door or open it from the inside just press the button and lift the handle.

Also if forget to lock the door it will time out and the handle disconnects from the locking mechanism anyway. So the handle out side physically disconnects from the mechanism preventing any one opening the door as the door handle wont work, until they either enter a code or use a key fob.

PigletJohn · 29/11/2021 12:47

@northbacchus

Please change at least one lock OP. You can buy the Yale/Chubb barrels from Wickes/B&Q and it is relatively easy and quick.

My local key cutters opens at 8am but I believe there's online key cutters which can cut keys from just a photo.

this is true but it is not very widely known
TiddlesTheTiger · 29/11/2021 12:51

@namechangetheworld

You're all whipping yourself up into a frenzy over what is clearly an innocent mistake. Why would he admit to having the keys if he had sinister intentions? Surely he would just lie and say he hadn't got them, if he's the sexual predator that you're all assuming he is?
Because he gets a kick out of messing with women. If it happened as he said, and he didn't know he had them, wouldn't he be shocked in the morning to realise how worried she must have been? It doesn't sound as if he was.
todaysdilemma · 29/11/2021 12:51

All the things odd about this that make it very sensible to change your locks:

  1. Emptying his pockets in your place after just a few dates - that's making himself far too comfortable. That coupled with him offering to buy you furniture shows he already feels a level of ownership of your personal space.
  2. Not realising when he got home that he had 2 sets of keys. Because if does always empty his pockets - he would have realised he has that extra set. Particularly if he opened his own door first - why would he have had a second set in his pocket?
  3. If his phone was on silent, it should have gone straight to voicemail. The fact that it was ringing means it wasn't on silent when he got back....
  4. Telling you he doesn't know what he'd do if the relationship ended - that's definitely a very emotionally unstable comment to make after a few dates.

So yes, anyone with any common sense would have picked up on all this as a glaring DANGER sign. Well done for sensing it, realising he had indeed taken your keys and for getting locks changed. Definitely do not see him again. You shouldn't be meeting anyone who gives you this much anger and anxiety. Trust is the most important thing in a relationship and you have none.

todaysdilemma · 29/11/2021 12:52

Phone was on Do Not Disturb, I mean,

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 29/11/2021 12:52

A good, strong bolt on the door is always a good idea, too - regardless of any OP type worries.

Sn0tnose · 29/11/2021 12:54

@RockinHorseShit

Good try Bertram, but you failed miserably to explain the hysterics & I say that as someone who did have an ex break into my flat... he didn't need keys either. There's a bonkers level of hysteria on this thread
Why are you so determined to make women feel like their perfectly reasonable safety concerns are hysterical? What makes you think that your reaction is the normal, sensible one?

She doesn’t know this man well and she hasn’t seen how he’s behaved in previous relationships. He’s made a really weird comment and he’s done something very questionable with her keys. And it really is questionable. It’s easy to pick up the wrong keys by mistake. He picked up two separate sets of keys and put them in his pocket. He then took two separate sets of keys out of his pocket but kept quiet and went to bed instead of texting her. What part of that sounds accidental or normal to you?

Also, as burglary rates all over the country will show, it’s very easy to forcibly break into someone’s home when you don’t have keys. It’s much harder to come and go as you please without alerting anyone if you don’t have keys.

Sh05 · 29/11/2021 12:55

I've picked up a colleagues keys up by accident only to get in the car and realize, it wouldn't take alot of time before you notice your pocket is still heavy with another set/something.
This man went home, got home, got changed most likely for bed, got dressed in the morning before he realized?

Sh05 · 29/11/2021 12:55

It's seems pretty unlikely. Keys are heavy and easily noticeable in a pocket that's supposed to be empty

TurnUpTurnip · 29/11/2021 12:56

Yes additional locks and bolts on doors is quite normal that are separate from the lock you open with a key, prevents break ins! I’m surprised so many don’t have extra locks even just for crime prevention!

lechatnoir · 29/11/2021 12:56

I still don't get the continued hysteria here Confused. Yes he could be a psychopath but isn't it more likely that he got home late (op posted at nearly midnight and presumably he doesn't live round the corner), emptied his pockets and realised he had her keys. He knew she was safely at home so wasn't locked out or anything and planned to ring her first thing (which he did) and return them that morning (which he also did). Not everyone has their phone glued to them to see messages and surely most people have their phone on mute at night or it would wake you up with all the annoying pinging noises! And let's not forget They look almost identically to yours so another perfectly reasonable & rational explanation as to why he took them in the first place.

Clearly he's an oddball and definitely trust your instincts & end it, but the idea that he is rushing out to get a copy or making imprints in bluetack are so unlikely you all sound hysterical (& I don't know how you sleep at night if you live on that level of fear and distrust).

CruCru · 29/11/2021 12:57

I have no idea whether this man is dodgy in some way or not. However your gut is telling you that he isn't right for you - which is all that matters.

CSJobseeker · 29/11/2021 12:57

1) Emptying his pockets in your place after just a few dates - that's making himself far too comfortable. That coupled with him offering to buy you furniture shows he already feels a level of ownership of your personal space.

Agree with this.

3) If his phone was on silent, it should have gone straight to voicemail. The fact that it was ringing means it wasn't on silent when he got back....

This isn't true. I often have my phone on silent, and it doesn't go straight to voicemail. It 'rings', but totally silently. The screen will light up, and I'll be able to answer it if I can see it.

I think what this guy has done is dodgy and implausible, but not because his phone didn't go to voicemail.

CSJobseeker · 29/11/2021 12:59

emptied his pockets and realised he had her keys. He knew she was safely at home so wasn't locked out or anything and planned to ring her first thing (which he did) and return them that morning (which he also did).

But for all he knew she wanted to pop out first thing to buy some milk? No. If he noticed, he should have texted immediately. That's what most normal people would do.

It's not for him (a relative stranger) to decide that she's safe and fine therefore he doesn't need to do anything. It's not his call to make. In fact, if he did think that, he's demonstrating some serious controlling tendencies right there.

frazzledasarock · 29/11/2021 13:01

Honestly, if any of us on here picked up a friends keys and took them home. Wouldn’t we immediately message/ring friend to let them know we’ve accidentally taken their keys and we’ll drop them back in the morning.

I would presume if anything that the person who’s keys I’ve got will be frantic with worry over having lost their keys.

TiddlesTheTiger · 29/11/2021 13:01

Why does he empty his pockets when he's at yours?

That's weird if he's only there for coffee.

Or am I failing at understanding a euphemism and he empties his pockets when he gets undressed?

WorriedMumsDontSleep · 29/11/2021 13:03

Of course you'd text as soon as you realised.

If only to clear your reputation as a key stealing weirdo.
But also to reassure/stop someone wasting their time looking.

Original poster
Wilhelmine · 29/11/2021 13:04

No we hadn’t reached the undressing stage thank goodness @TiddlesTheTiger 😊

OP posts:
JesusIsAnyNameFree · 29/11/2021 13:06

If his phone was on silent, it should have gone straight to voicemail. The fact that it was ringing means it wasn't on silent when he got back

You believe this? Are you my MIL? Confused

Sn0tnose · 29/11/2021 13:07

I still don't get the continued hysteria here confused. Yes he could be a psychopath but isn't it more likely that he got home late (op posted at nearly midnight and presumably he doesn't live round the corner), emptied his pockets and realised he had her keys. He knew she was safely at home so wasn't locked out or anything and planned to ring her first thing (which he did) and return them that morning (which he also did)

Jesus Christ, no wonder so many men get away with so much stuff when there are people who are willing to make excuses for everything they do.

He did not pick up the wrong keys by mistake. He had emptied his pockets when he got to her home. He picked up one set of keys when he was leaving and put them in his pocket. He then picked up another set of keys and put them in his pocket too. The only explanation for this is that he either has early onset of dementia and had forgotten that he’d already picked up one set of keys, or he was doing something dodgy, whether that’s getting another set cut, or making sure she doesn’t go out after he’s left, or wanting to fuck with her head.

Why the fuck is anyone trying to claim that this is normal, innocent behaviour and all a massive misunderstanding?

Lweji · 29/11/2021 13:07

As soon as I read the word "hysteria" or "hysterical" I dismiss whatever the pp has said or is going to say.

MadgeMak · 29/11/2021 13:07

I think he took them on purpose. You don't pick up 2 sets of keys by accident, once you have put a set of keys in your pocket believing them to be your own house keys, why would you then put a second set in your pocket?

Teateaandmoretea · 29/11/2021 13:08

I’m getting quotes from locksmiths. I don’t think I want to see him again after this, I wasn’t sure about him in the first place. Christ all I wanted was a male companion to go to concerts/out for dinner/go on long walks with and I end up with all this hassle. I seriously think I could fucking punch him in the face and I’m not a violent person.

I really think the biggest thing here is you need to dump him. You are so unnerved by him you think he may have nicked your keys for sinister purposes. This relationship is not a goer.

But definitely change the locks, always listen to your instincts.

Charley50 · 29/11/2021 13:08

Completely agree you should change the locks for your piece of mind. And also stop dating him.

Why would he even have put his keys where yours were?

DaisyNGO · 29/11/2021 13:09

@lechatnoir

I still don't get the continued hysteria here Confused. Yes he could be a psychopath but isn't it more likely that he got home late (op posted at nearly midnight and presumably he doesn't live round the corner), emptied his pockets and realised he had her keys. He knew she was safely at home so wasn't locked out or anything and planned to ring her first thing (which he did) and return them that morning (which he also did). Not everyone has their phone glued to them to see messages and surely most people have their phone on mute at night or it would wake you up with all the annoying pinging noises! And let's not forget They look almost identically to yours so another perfectly reasonable & rational explanation as to why he took them in the first place.

Clearly he's an oddball and definitely trust your instincts & end it, but the idea that he is rushing out to get a copy or making imprints in bluetack are so unlikely you all sound hysterical (& I don't know how you sleep at night if you live on that level of fear and distrust).

If you realise, at midnight, that you have someone's keys, you look at your phone because it's very clear they might be panicking.

Rushing to get copies - as per pp, 24 hour locksmiths in London, easily done.