Has my date stolen my keys??

[Wilhelmine]

I’ve just come home with a guy I’ve been for a few dates with after a couple of drinks and we’ve had a coffee and he’s gone home. We’ve been getting on great and knew each other before as acquaintances. He’s a bit intense but nothing scary until tonight when he said “I don’t know what I’d do if this doesn’t work out”. Now I’ve just got ready for bed and can’t find my keys anywhere. I’m well organised and tidy and always know where things are. I’ve messaged him to ask if he picked them up by mistake but no reply. Am I being daft to think he might have taken them? If I can’t find them in the morning I’ll have to get the locks changed and I really don’t want to have to do that.....

I don't believe a word he says, OP. When he reached for his own keys he would have noticed yours. (Why does he empty his pockets at your house anyway? Who does that?) He should have called you the moment he realised and then come back with the keys.

OP (and maybe some others on this thread who can't see what is wrong with the situation...) please read The Gift of Fear by Gavin de Becker.

The way you tell is instinct. That's why we teach people never, ever to ignore it. OP, listen to yourself.

Exactly.

@MumMRM

YES DEFINATELY CHANGE THE LOCKS! How do you know he has not had copies made? I would be scared! How can he take them by mistake? He would see they were not his and why would he have his out wherever you had left yours? It sounds dodgy, please be careful xx

Are you H?

I bet OP wouldn't leave her keys anywhere near him in future, so that alone means he has to go.

New keys for peace of mind, why wouldn't you?

@WowStarsWow

OP (and maybe some others on this thread who can't see what is wrong with the situation...) please read The Gift of Fear by Gavin de Becker.

Yes! Its a brilliant book! Currently sitting beside my bed. :-D

@Graciemacey

I’m clearly living on a different planet. I do not understand the drama on this thread. I pick up my husband’s keys all the time. Shock, horror, I usually don’t realise I have two sets of keys till he asks me if I have them. I’m clearly quite disorganised. Come to think of it, he’s taken my keys too and not realised. Neither of us have/had sinister intentions. I’m all for women trusting their instincts, and sure, if this guy is showing you red flags, then cool things. I would be put off by the furniture thing, but he was probably trying to impress you. The comment about not wanting the relationship to end sounds intense but it doesn’t means he’s a psycho. This thread has got more and more frenzied and it’s a bit weird. Doesn’t any one else think so?

I think this comes from a place of being in a secure relationship that means you aren’t exposed to the realities of dating that many women are. Your radar isn’t on because it doesn’t have to be.

I could totally see myself picking up a second set of keys after a few drinks and not registering my actual keys were in my bag /coat/ other pocket. But I would bin him for the other red flags anyway

It's possible that it was accidental but the OP cannot be sure. It's a good idea to change the locks anyway especially if you sense all is not right.

I've often taken DH's keys by accident. As to the posters who are absolutely convinced it was not accidental, life must be very miserable if that is their view of everyone.

Please change the locks asap. I’d also consider installing CCTV outside your house in case he comes back.

Regardless of whether he took them deliberately or not, I think two things are clear:

• OP should change the locks. A man who she does not trust had the keys long enough to have a copy made, therefore she needs to change the locks for peace of mind, if nothing else.

• The OP does not trust the man she is dating, and has felt unsettled / creeped out by some of the things he's said and done. Regardless of whether or not the OP's gut feeling is correct, you can't date someone you don't trust, therefore the relationship needs to be stopped at this point.

Thing is, he would have used his keys to get into his house last night and realised straightaway that he had two sets........

Change your locks.

I pick up my husband’s keys all the time. Shock, horror, I usually don’t realise I have two sets of keys till he asks me if I have them. I’m clearly quite disorganised. Come to think of it, he’s taken my keys too and not realised. Neither of us have/had sinister intentions.

This is one of the stupidest comparison I have ever seen made on MN.

Your husband lives in your house. He has his own keys to your house, so he doesn't need to steal yours.

The OP is talking about a man who she doesn't know well, doesn't live with, and who does not already have keys to her house.

@TheShriekingShack The point I was making was that it’s actually quite easy to pick up someone else’s keys, especially if they look similar and you’re not paying attention. (In my experience, and I’m clearly disorganised). But Mumsnet has decided the most likely explanation is actually impossible, and the least likely… murderous psycho on the loose… is actually the only plausible one.

Absolutely change the locks OP and ghost him. If he habitually empties his pockets every time he sits down, then he would have noticed two sets. If it was accidental then he'd have brought them straight back!! Heck, he'd have noticed two sets in his pocket when he went to unlock his own door.

@RubyTuesday70

Thing is, he would have used his keys to get into his house last night and realised straightaway that he had two sets........

Change your locks.

Yep and if he empties his pocket as a habit he would have known last night.

Shit does happen but you don't trust him now after the other stuff.

You can just change the cylinder (the bit on the outside that the key goes in) of the Yale lock for about £11.

Just in case your keys have been copied.

@Graciemacey Please do some research on stalking, predatory men, abusive relationships and coercive control. It's not as unlikely as you may think for this man to take op's keys for a myriad of unsavoury reasons.

But it's totally different to a situation where you live in the house. In your own house, you will regularly pick up or move keys as part of your normal daily life. Borrowing your partner's key is so normal it would go without comment.

But I've never gone to a friends house and scooped up their keys, and I've never come across anyone else doing that either.

Everyone needs to read “The gift of fear”. We get socialised into thinking it is worse to be rude than it is to be safe.

Who does the “you’re hysterically overreacting” narrative serve? Is it the OP or the key-taker?

If it was a genuine accident, the OP is down the cost of a new lock and a day’s annual leave. Annoying but manageable.

If it was deliberate, then the OP by changing the locks has prevented whatever plan he had in mind. Let’s face it there was no nice plan. Even if it was to secretly install the £500 sofa and a bunch of flowers as a “nice surprise”, that would be weird and controlling. You can’t put a price on the peace of mind it comes from knowing he doesn’t have access.

HNTTFT .Oh I genuinely don’t know. He called you this am and I can see why he didn’t realise until this am . Am really thinking it was a genuine mistake 🤷‍♀️I am quite absent minded so to me it is an easy mistake.
Surely if he had deliberately taken them he wouldn’t have called you first thing this am .

Its worth investing in some thing like the Yale Key free Door lock / Handle.
After I had a break in years ago, the insurance company let me off paying all my excess after I had new composite doors with Yale key free system. Now i no longer need any keys and I can change the code in minute's and also remove any key fob from my door if missing.

Totally love it.

Oh yeah right. He has totally bought a similar key ring/similar keys so he could make a pretend set that "looks just like yours"
Bullshit!

OP, you've been up the entire night, because of him! Your gut knows that something is off with this man.

Change the locks, check youtube for easy guides, cheap to do. And dump/block him. What a creep. He did this on purpose.

He called when he could no longer feasibly ignore the texts and phone calls op had left.

He didn't call off his own back, he called because op had text several times and not calling would not fit in with his story.

They may be near identical but he knows he doesn't have 2 sets!