Has my date stolen my keys??

[Wilhelmine]

I’ve just come home with a guy I’ve been for a few dates with after a couple of drinks and we’ve had a coffee and he’s gone home. We’ve been getting on great and knew each other before as acquaintances. He’s a bit intense but nothing scary until tonight when he said “I don’t know what I’d do if this doesn’t work out”. Now I’ve just got ready for bed and can’t find my keys anywhere. I’m well organised and tidy and always know where things are. I’ve messaged him to ask if he picked them up by mistake but no reply. Am I being daft to think he might have taken them? If I can’t find them in the morning I’ll have to get the locks changed and I really don’t want to have to do that.....

Oh gosh, what a stress.

Get your locks changed asap. He sounds odd.
500 quid furniture? Is he rolling in it?

@Wife2b

Maybe I am naive but it all sounds a bit hysterical. Not everyone is a psychopath and people do make mistakes. So what if he empties his pockets, it’s either a) to make sitting down more comfortable or b) to make sure nothing falls out. What’s the big deal? It sounds to me like people are looking for reasons to scream red flag red flag. The comment about don’t know what I’d do if this doesn’t work out could be perfectly innocent. Maybe he doesn’t have plans to carry on dating, maybe he doesn’t know what the future holds. Only you OP will know how this was said in context. The expensive coffee table, yes totally OTT, sounds like he was being a bit of a tit and showing off how much money he has but doesn’t mean anything sinister. I can’t help but feel that the people of mumsnet only ever see the bad in people. I can’t imagine going through life being a constant cynic.

Yes, you're being naive Wife2b. One of these may not be cause for concern...all together PLUS the OP's own instinct...no.

Yeah, don't second-guess yourself and cheap out on the locks.

He empties everything out of his pockets, and then he picks ups not one but two sets of keys?

"One of these may not be cause for concern...all together PLUS the OP's own instinct...no."

I think this is the thing.

For a lot of us if we couldn't find our keys we wouldn't jump to "has date taken them?"

Op did though because previous behaviour has made her suspicious.

Sounds dodgy as hell op! Unless he had had alot to drink I can't understand why you wouldn't notice two sets of keys! Even if it was an accident you'd think he'd notice once he arrived home.
Get your locks changed op, today, the post on here from a pp with the guy sat at the end of her bed months later creeped me out!!!!

It doesn’t matter if some of you think this is a bit hysterical.

The fact is op is feeling uncomfortable with the way this relationship is panning out. And it’s telling that when the keys disappeared she thought (rightly so) that her date had taken the keys.

Yes it might be innocent but in this instance I think op has every right to be cautious.

I’d still change the locks.

I’m not buying it. I can believe him accidentally picking yours up instead of his keys, but not as well as. And if he had he would’ve known as soon as he got home.
So either he took them on purpose or it was a genuine accident but he liked the power trip and let you sweat it out till morning. Also he could easily still see your messages on WhatsApp without it showing as read so I wouldn’t place any weight on that.
There are many reasons why a creep like this may have taken your keys deliberately, not necessarily to have them cut and sneak in your house. He could’ve got a kick out of the thought of you home scared and vulnerable, or maybe he wanted to sweep in the next morning and play hero. That way you would ‘owe’ him something or feel obligated in some way.
Any decent person that took your keys in genuine error would’ve doubled back as soon as they got home to drop them off. I would definitely trust your instincts here and still get rid of him, carefully. The fact that you suspected him/ knew he took them is a huge red flag in itself. And definitely get the locks changed! I know it’s an expense and inconvenience but think about what the potential (although hopefully unlikely) worst case could be if he did get your key copied. Not worth risking your safety and peace of mind over a few quid.

Wife2b

Everything you've written seems very reasonable and it's possible it's all an innocent mistake and there's is nothing sinister going on.

Most of us wouldn't assume someone we knew had taken our keys if we couldn't find them but the OP did. She mentioned previous behaviour which had made her feel uncomfortable which is obviously why she was suspicious when she couldn't find her keys.

One of the things which strikes me whenever I read or hear an account of a woman being harassed, frightened or harmed by a man they will nearly always say there was something off but they didn't want to be rude, their good manners were to their own detriment. This thread is women telling another woman to trust her gut, prioritise her safety and not to care about the feelings of a man who gave her cause to question whether he was safe to be around.

It isn't helpful to portray women as overreacting in situations like this, it's better and safer to over rather than under react.

Oh and all the other bits of bullshit.

Empties his pockets, so he has to pick up his own keys and manages to take both. Well, no. Were your keys in a pile with his? No.

Then he has to go home and use the keys to get in. Still didn't notice. Okayyyy.

Then oh, what a coincidence, he races to bed and instantly falls asleep. :) What a tired bunny!

I don't necessarily think he made a copy of the keys. He might have, I would change the barrels 100%.

What I do think is that he took them deliberately. He's already crossed boundaries and is showing himself as a fucking weirdo, here's the next step.

He took them because he wanted to. He wanted to see desperate messages coming in from you. To feel you needing to get in touch with him... and him having the power to sit there and smile and ignore. Then to get the buzz of 'coming to the rescue' the next day, knowing that you'd be frantic, and him being the only person that could 'solve' the problem.

Fucking red flag bunting day.

Get rid, 100% get rid.

His story makes no sense.

He empties his pockets when he gets to your house. So his keys are lying on a coffee table or sideboard along with whatever lose change he had in his pocket. So when he went to leave he would have gone to the coffee table and scooped it all up back into his pocket. Unless your keys were right beside his (in which case he would have noticed two sets of keys and checked which were his) he would have had to have then gone to wherever yours where and lifted them too. Which of course, isn’t accidental.

But let’s say he did scoop two sets of keys into his pocket by accident. Is he really saying that the whole drive/walk home he didn’t put his hand in his pocket and feel two sets of keys? Not even when he went to open his own front door?

He’s lying to you.

@EssexLioness

I’m not buying it. I can believe him accidentally picking yours up instead of his keys, but not as well as. And if he had he would’ve known as soon as he got home. So either he took them on purpose or it was a genuine accident but he liked the power trip and let you sweat it out till morning. Also he could easily still see your messages on WhatsApp without it showing as read so I wouldn’t place any weight on that. There are many reasons why a creep like this may have taken your keys deliberately, not necessarily to have them cut and sneak in your house. He could’ve got a kick out of the thought of you home scared and vulnerable, or maybe he wanted to sweep in the next morning and play hero. That way you would ‘owe’ him something or feel obligated in some way. Any decent person that took your keys in genuine error would’ve doubled back as soon as they got home to drop them off. I would definitely trust your instincts here and still get rid of him, carefully. The fact that you suspected him/ knew he took them is a huge red flag in itself. And definitely get the locks changed! I know it’s an expense and inconvenience but think about what the potential (although hopefully unlikely) worst case could be if he did get your key copied. Not worth risking your safety and peace of mind over a few quid.

My post crosses a lot with this. This, 100%

@Wife2b

Maybe I am naive but it all sounds a bit hysterical. Not everyone is a psychopath and people do make mistakes. So what if he empties his pockets, it’s either a) to make sitting down more comfortable or b) to make sure nothing falls out. What’s the big deal? It sounds to me like people are looking for reasons to scream red flag red flag. The comment about don’t know what I’d do if this doesn’t work out could be perfectly innocent. Maybe he doesn’t have plans to carry on dating, maybe he doesn’t know what the future holds. Only you OP will know how this was said in context. The expensive coffee table, yes totally OTT, sounds like he was being a bit of a tit and showing off how much money he has but doesn’t mean anything sinister. I can’t help but feel that the people of mumsnet only ever see the bad in people. I can’t imagine going through life being a constant cynic.

Of course not everyone is a psychopath, but this person has taken her keys. Surely it's best to err on the side of caution and change the locks so as not to worry and to potentially prevent someone from entering the ops home?

Some of us go with our gut feelings. It's there for a reason.

Trust your gut. It's telling you that something is off about this man.

Get your locks changed, get a video door bell and distance yourself from him.

Change the locks. He will have copied them.

Do you know where he is most likely to have copied the keys and bought a new key ring? There is probably CCTV.

Oh how stressful.

You're 100% right to change the locks.

If it's at all affordable change everything that a key he could have can open as otherwise you'll forever be second guessing.

Also. If you don't have one order a ring doorbell right now. Probably still on Black Friday offer.

I knew he'd say that.

Dump. He will have taken copies so the locks have to be changed, sorry.

@Unreasonabubble

If in doubt, put a wedge under the door. Find something that would stop someone coming in unannounced.

This - I wouldn't take the risk. But have a good look round first.

Change the locks if it turns out that he has them, even if he hands them back.

He's definitely had a key cut already. Please get your locks changed. Oddly enough my front door locked broke yesterday evening door just wouldn't lock at all, I called a locksmith and he's here now putting a new barrel in. It's easy to get done op.

@SequinnedShawl

Why does he empty his pockets? That's an odd thing to do. Almost like he does it so he has a reason to wander around and pick up random things like your keys because he would have already picked up his own keys (which are amazingly on the same style key ring) 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩

Some men always do this (maybe uncomfortable with full pockets)but as another poster said he would also do this at home and notice straight away.

Oh - sorry - I didn't realise that the thread had gone so far.

Yep.

Change locks.

It might well be an innocent mistake but I would be mortified if I'd done this and very much expect to be viewed suspiciously in the aftermath. He must have his head up his arse and not be aware of the world/ever pick up a newspaper/watch the news to not be able to gauge the temperature around how a man should behave around a woman and what might be seen as odd/a red flag.

I'd expect my marching orders and that to be that, game over, however disappointed or innocent I was. I'd also be offering/expecting to pick up the bill for the lock change once the OP had found a locksmith and had it done independently.

Get your locks changed, OP. It's better for your own peace of mind and, yup, an expensive inconvenience but worth it on the 50/50 chance it isn't innocent.

Maybe I am naive but it all sounds a bit hysterical. Not everyone is a psychopath

How do you tell the ones that are from the ones that aren’t?

he does take everything out of his pockets when he’s here

What an odd thing to do in someone else's home.

@SchadenfreudePersonified

he does take everything out of his pockets when he’s here

What an odd thing to do in someone else's home.

Not so odd, not if you're comfortable enough together. My husband is very uncomfortable with a wallet, keys, car keys and inhaler in his pockets.