Has my date stolen my keys??

[Wilhelmine]

I’ve just come home with a guy I’ve been for a few dates with after a couple of drinks and we’ve had a coffee and he’s gone home. We’ve been getting on great and knew each other before as acquaintances. He’s a bit intense but nothing scary until tonight when he said “I don’t know what I’d do if this doesn’t work out”. Now I’ve just got ready for bed and can’t find my keys anywhere. I’m well organised and tidy and always know where things are. I’ve messaged him to ask if he picked them up by mistake but no reply. Am I being daft to think he might have taken them? If I can’t find them in the morning I’ll have to get the locks changed and I really don’t want to have to do that.....

I said it twice before… Check with the police. Tell them what happened and see if he’s got form for this. They may not tell you directly, but they may “tell” you.

@HunkyPunk

I live in a town which is archaic in shops opening times (think closed on Sundays etc).

Are you on the Isle of Wight?

Lewes!

To be fair, I expect all those open places would have been so in Brighton, so like I said - I didn't think outside the box.

I realise we're 20 pages on! But if you have that gut feeling and your keys aren't there, yes change the locks. It will be worth it for the peace of mind.

If he has keys & wallet in trouser pockets then it might be understandable that he takes them out.

My husband would do that but put them on the arm of the chair/sofa where he is sitting or a nearby table.

Although this time of year they would be in a coat/jacket pocket & he would hang the coat up & leave them in.

Either way, he wouldn't be "accidentally" picking up the householder's keys.

Op you know seem to be "excusing" him.

Don't ignore any more warning signs & don't see or have contact with him anymore.

I had someone pick up my keys by mistake. I couldn't find them next day, searched high and low, and on the off chance dropped them a line to see if they had them. No reply all day because they were at meetings, on site. When they got in touch they did have them. It sound as if they picked them up reflexively, we both had quite a lot of keys on our rings, similar, green key fobs. It happens.
But you have underlying concerns with this person, so probably best to act on them.

Womans date took her keys and broke in later on to kill her...
read this, definitely get your locks changed
www.mirror.co.uk/news/uk-news/terrifying-tinder-date-sounds-like-12431529

I’d probably change the lock.
But picking up two sets of keys is the kind of thing I always do. I’ve taken the wrong suitcase off the carousel and brought it home with me and checked out the wrong trolley atndainsburys . I think it can be hard for organised people to understand how bad it can be for some of us

Adding to the 'change the lock!' Chorus because it seems like you really can't be bothered with the hassle of it OP. Your safety is worth more than any amount of hassle.

One of my friends was divorcing her abusive husband and had obviously changed all the locks on the house. Their children went to their granny's to visit while their dad was there. He stole the set of keys from the 12yo daughter's bag, got a new set cut, then replaced the keys before the children went home so nobody was any the wiser. Two weeks later, when he knew my friend would be in the house alone, he let himself in and beat the absolute shit out of her in front of their children. Please change your locks.

"I’ve taken the wrong suitcase off the carousel and brought it home with me"

OP go to B&Q and by the 3 star Yale locks. They're anti snap, bump, etc but the keys also have to be sent off to get copies made. You can't just get them cut at a normal place.

OP I'm sorry you're getting a bit of a hard time. You've been worried and sleep-deprived and I'm not sure how helpful the hectoring is.

Get the locks changed which ever way is best for you (DIY or locksmith).

Look in to a camera system. I have a Blink system from Amazon. Affordable if not cheap and very easy to set up. Gives me great peace of mind in a number of ways.

Personally, I'd be breezy with this man and slowly distance myself. I wouldn't let on about changing the locks.

I would change at least one of the barrels myself, its easy with youtube tuto.
& get a ring doorbell for piece of mind.
If he shows up when you are at work & tries to open the door with his newly cut key you will have proof to show the police

Why didn't he noticed when he emptied his pockets at home? He may have got copies of your keys. I would get the lock changed.

Maybe I am naive but it all sounds a bit hysterical. Not everyone is a psychopath and people do make mistakes. So what if he empties his pockets, it’s either a) to make sitting down more comfortable or b) to make sure nothing falls out. What’s the big deal? It sounds to me like people are looking for reasons to scream red flag red flag. The comment about don’t know what I’d do if this doesn’t work out could be perfectly innocent. Maybe he doesn’t have plans to carry on dating, maybe he doesn’t know what the future holds. Only you OP will know how this was said in context. The expensive coffee table, yes totally OTT, sounds like he was being a bit of a tit and showing off how much money he has but doesn’t mean anything sinister. I can’t help but feel that the people of mumsnet only ever see the bad in people. I can’t imagine going through life being a constant cynic.

@Wife2b

Maybe I am naive but it all sounds a bit hysterical. Not everyone is a psychopath and people do make mistakes. So what if he empties his pockets, it’s either a) to make sitting down more comfortable or b) to make sure nothing falls out. What’s the big deal? It sounds to me like people are looking for reasons to scream red flag red flag. The comment about don’t know what I’d do if this doesn’t work out could be perfectly innocent. Maybe he doesn’t have plans to carry on dating, maybe he doesn’t know what the future holds. Only you OP will know how this was said in context. The expensive coffee table, yes totally OTT, sounds like he was being a bit of a tit and showing off how much money he has but doesn’t mean anything sinister. I can’t help but feel that the people of mumsnet only ever see the bad in people. I can’t imagine going through life being a constant cynic.

I agree with you wife2b.

"So what if he empties his pockets, it’s either a) to make sitting down more comfortable or b) to make sure nothing falls out."

So he only needs to pick up his own stuff as he leaves.
How does he then pick up Op's keys as well when he has just picked up his own?

Why didn't he notice Op's keys when he got home & emptied his pockets & let her know straight away that he had her keys?

You’ve also got those key cutting machines, that are usually located in supermarkets, sometimes next to Timpsons or the dry cleaner service. But some are completely stand alone. Usually next to coin machines, photo booth etc Would be easy to get one done early morning if supermarket is open!

Yes, change the locks.

He picked up your keys “thinking they were his.”

Then he picked up his keys, otherwise he wouldn’t have been able to get in his door.

And somehow didn’t register that he had two sets of keys.

I call bullshit.

I'm curious to know what sort of a keyring you have that he so easily mistook it for his, Op.

You don't need a locksmith. It's incredibly straightforward to change a lock. I've done it on the last two properties I moved into. You just buy a new lock of the correct type from B&Q or similar and a screwdriver and watch a little video on YouTube and you'll manage it.

I don't think people are being hysterical. For peace of mind, I would change the locks/get a locksmith in - the Op doesn't know this man very well.

I think I know this bloke!!! Everything you describe is so like him. Is he mid 50's?

It's better to be safe than sorry.

Abusive men want women to feel they are over reacting, that they are OTT or reading too much into things.
That's one of the ways men exert power over women; minimising their concerns and labeling them hysterical.

Your concerns OP were and are JUSTIFIED.

He is dodgy as hell.

He most likely to your keys on purpose. Therefore he is a threat to you.

He is doing his best to manipulate you. Trust your instincts.

X-post with @diddl.

Our local keycutters open at 8am, he could have got them copied on his way over. I wouldn't take the risk, especially as he has said questionable things to you.

You can replace barrel locks very easily by yourself, only costs £7 or £8 for a new one. Watch a few tutorials on YouTube. Very easy, and worth it for the peace of mind.