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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Has my date stolen my keys??

999 replies

Wilhelmine · 28/11/2021 23:48

I’ve just come home with a guy I’ve been for a few dates with after a couple of drinks and we’ve had a coffee and he’s gone home. We’ve been getting on great and knew each other before as acquaintances. He’s a bit intense but nothing scary until tonight when he said “I don’t know what I’d do if this doesn’t work out”. Now I’ve just got ready for bed and can’t find my keys anywhere. I’m well organised and tidy and always know where things are. I’ve messaged him to ask if he picked them up by mistake but no reply. Am I being daft to think he might have taken them? If I can’t find them in the morning I’ll have to get the locks changed and I really don’t want to have to do that.....

OP posts:
peboh · 29/11/2021 09:14

Whilst your keys may be very similar looking, he clearly also had his. So why did he pick yours up too?

HeidiHaus · 29/11/2021 09:15

@Wilhelmine

He’s dropped them off and showed me his keys which are virtually identical to mine and on the same ring. He says he didn’t see my messages last night because he went to bed early (he does). So might have been a genuine mistake as he does take everything out of his pockets when he’s here. However am totally spooked now what with the previous behaviour and am going to take *@Aphrodite31*’s advice and make myself less available. Thanks for keeping me sane during the night!
So he took two sets of keys home?

I can see why you'd consider giving him the benefit of the doubt but there will always be a niggly feeling.

Change the locks!

Yuledo · 29/11/2021 09:15

Even if he accidentally scooped them with his, he’d have found them when he went to unlock his own front door or start his car.

Suspicious. Don’t tell him you’ve changed the locks and see if he tries to get in, in the future via a ring doorbell or equivalent.

BertramLacey · 29/11/2021 09:16

He’s dropped them off and showed me his keys which are virtually identical to mine and on the same ring.

Has he seen your keyring before? Because I'm just suspicious enough to think it's a very odd coincidence that his keys look so similar to yours that he could accidently take yours by mistake. As PP have said, much of the problem is that you think he could have done this for bad reasons. There are enough red flags here that no matter what 'reasonable' explanation he comes up with, I'd still be dumping him and changing the locks.

EishetChayil · 29/11/2021 09:16

More red flags than Chairman Mao's living room!

Trust your gut. Get rid.

Practicebeingpatient · 29/11/2021 09:17

At the very least, change the Yale lock. Trust your instincts not him.

FeatheredHope · 29/11/2021 09:17

OP, please please please change your locks. Just for peace of mind if nothing else.

JacquelineCarlyle · 29/11/2021 09:17

That was my thought too @peboh - he clearly picked up two sets & would have known he had them when he got home so could have called them straight away to let you know.

Shedmistress · 29/11/2021 09:17

keys which are virtually identical to mine and on the same ring

Wow he really planned that excuse. Having the identical keys and key ring?

Come the fuck on. You need to steer very clear here.

HereticFanjo · 29/11/2021 09:17

Yes do change them still. It's possible it's all an honest mistake but go with your gut.

Irishfarmer · 29/11/2021 09:19

Glad they turned up, but it is very weird. How much did ye have to drink? From how coherent you sounded in your messages on here last night I'd say not that much.

Wheresthebeach · 29/11/2021 09:19

Ah...okay...just seen your update. So its possible that it was just an accident then. But it made you so uneasy that you couldn't sleep...so you're right to listen to your instincts.

I'd still change the locks and stop seeing him.

iloveheater · 29/11/2021 09:20

@Wilhelmine

He’s dropped them off and showed me his keys which are virtually identical to mine and on the same ring. He says he didn’t see my messages last night because he went to bed early (he does). So might have been a genuine mistake as he does take everything out of his pockets when he’s here. However am totally spooked now what with the previous behaviour and am going to take *@Aphrodite31*’s advice and make myself less available. Thanks for keeping me sane during the night!
The thing not to forget is that your mind instantly jumped to 'he's taken my keys' not 'oh no, I must have dropped my keys down the back of the sofa.'

Your intuition told you there was something off, or your mind wouldn't have gone there in the first place. I'd gradually phase him out, and still change the locks (but not tell him you've changed the locks).

peboh · 29/11/2021 09:20

@JacquelineCarlyle

That was my thought too *@peboh* - he clearly picked up two sets & would have known he had them when he got home so could have called them straight away to let you know.
Yes, especially if he's popped them on his pockets (unless he carries a bag op?) he'll have took them out as soon as he was home surely?
SaltedCaramelIcedLatte · 29/11/2021 09:21

This is so creepy and weird, I wouldn't feel safe without changing my locks regardless of the cost!

Flowerlane · 29/11/2021 09:21

So he took two sets? Surely when opening his own front door and getting his keys out he would have noticed then and could have popped you a message to let you know?

Change locks and move on…

Justyouwaitandseeagain · 29/11/2021 09:21

Are the ones he showed you the copies he had made?! Hmm
How likely is it that he would have the same keyring? Is it one he could easily buy while having keys cut?
Still feels far too suspicious given the niggles you already had.
It could be innocent but I wouldn't take that risk.
Please stick to your guns and change the locks.

Sodownandsad · 29/11/2021 09:21

Even if his key ring n key looked nearly same as urs, he would still notice two set of keys when he got home and took them out pocket .

isthismylifenow · 29/11/2021 09:22

These things do happen, I have taken two sets of our keys for example. So, it could well be a genuine mistake.

But the issue is that you felt very overwhelmed by his comments earlier in the evening, and this incident has highlighted those. If there was no key issue, do you think you may have overlooked them, or even laughed it off?

Louise5754 · 29/11/2021 09:22

@TokyoDreaming She wouldn't leave the keys inside the door if she was at work because she wouldn't be able to lock the door.

She only does this when home.

JSL52 · 29/11/2021 09:23

@LaurieFairyCake

purplesequins

Because if she's out at work he can't harm her - she can check on her camera doorbell if he ever goes in when she's out

But she wouldn't want him in her house while she's out.
Santaischeckinglists · 29/11/2021 09:24

Why would he have thought your keys were his? Why would his keys be out his pocket to be on show at your home?

1967buglet · 29/11/2021 09:25

Change the locks for you peace of mind, and listen to your gut. Don't see this guy. I had an abusive first husband, and the full on intense is very characteristic. Consider you made a lucky escape.

icelolly12 · 29/11/2021 09:25

@Wilhelmine

He’s dropped them off and showed me his keys which are virtually identical to mine and on the same ring. He says he didn’t see my messages last night because he went to bed early (he does). So might have been a genuine mistake as he does take everything out of his pockets when he’s here. However am totally spooked now what with the previous behaviour and am going to take *@Aphrodite31*’s advice and make myself less available. Thanks for keeping me sane during the night!
Soo after being proven right that he did take your keys as well as his own, kept them long enough to make copies and to ensure you would be worried (he may well have got kicks out of this), you're not actually going to bother to get your locks changed despite all advice to the contrary just because he has a semi plausible excuse (exactly what someone who stole keys to copy them would do)?! Confused
50ShadesOfCatholic · 29/11/2021 09:25

It does sound like an innocent mistake which is the best possible outcome.

But great that you're going to make yourself less available. Just such a shame you had a terrible night. I guarantee you will feel a bit better when you have had some sleep.