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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Has my date stolen my keys??

999 replies

Wilhelmine · 28/11/2021 23:48

I’ve just come home with a guy I’ve been for a few dates with after a couple of drinks and we’ve had a coffee and he’s gone home. We’ve been getting on great and knew each other before as acquaintances. He’s a bit intense but nothing scary until tonight when he said “I don’t know what I’d do if this doesn’t work out”. Now I’ve just got ready for bed and can’t find my keys anywhere. I’m well organised and tidy and always know where things are. I’ve messaged him to ask if he picked them up by mistake but no reply. Am I being daft to think he might have taken them? If I can’t find them in the morning I’ll have to get the locks changed and I really don’t want to have to do that.....

OP posts:
purplesequins · 29/11/2021 09:02

if just leave my keys in the door so he couldn't get in for a few weeks (once he's dropped them off)

how would that work if op is out for work or other reasons?

NynaeveSedai · 29/11/2021 09:03

Depends what you think his reason for taking them was
A stupid mistake? No, but dump because he made you worry all night. Something nefarious? Definitely. Either way call in sick as you can't work on zero sleep.

ZigZagIntoTheBlue · 29/11/2021 09:03

Hope you're ok OP and haven't invited him in to return your keys, take them back at the door and say you must get on, tired, late for work etc then do change the barrels yourself, after asking a friend to sit in your house or go buy the stuff for you to reimburse.
Don't leave the house unattended!

Staryflight445 · 29/11/2021 09:05

Ooh please make sure you’re not alone op.
Yes definitely get the ring camera now and change the locks.

Flowerlane · 29/11/2021 09:06

Do not tell him when he returns the keys that you are changing the locks.

BackBackBack · 29/11/2021 09:06

CHANGE THE LOCKS

CHANGE THE LOCKS

CHANGE THE LOCKS

Purplefrizz · 29/11/2021 09:07

Sounds to me that he took the keys and wanted to be the hero who found them, you would then be so grateful and he would become indispensable to you.

JacquelineCarlyle · 29/11/2021 09:07

I'd get him to post the keys through the letterbox (be in with the door bolted but don't open the door to him). Then definitely change the locks.

What was his excuse for taking them? There's no way that's accidental.

youvegottenminuteslynn · 29/11/2021 09:08

@Wilhelmine

He’s just called. He’s got them and is bringing them over now. Fucking twat. Do I still need to change the locks?
YES you do!
LaurieFairyCake · 29/11/2021 09:08

purplesequins

Because if she's out at work he can't harm her - she can check on her camera doorbell if he ever goes in when she's out

Newestname002 · 29/11/2021 09:10

@Wilhelmine

He’s just called. He’s got them and is bringing them over now. Fucking twat. Do I still need to change the locks?

Yes. You really do - unless you want to live with the worry he may have made copies... personally I'd prefer the reassurance that he can't get in. Whether you change the barrels or get the whole thing replaced do, please, ensure you are safe. It's surely a no-brainer? 🌹

TeeBee · 29/11/2021 09:10

Change the locks and tell him you called the police to be on the safe side and they are coming over later. Very few people would 'accidentally' pick up someone else's keys. Do they look like his bunch? How could it have happened? I'd ask him lord of questions until he tripped up.

LucentBlade · 29/11/2021 09:10

Ask him to post through the letter box, change your locks, stop seeing him.

Justyouwaitandseeagain · 29/11/2021 09:10

You immediately thought / knew he had taken them. He had taken them.
He didn't return them until after he would have had the chance to copy them.
Please, please, please trust your gut and change the locks.
Do not let him to worm his way out of this. You had red flags before and this is the biggest red flag of them all.

Flowers
RosiePosieDozy · 29/11/2021 09:10

Ask him to post the keys through the letterbox. Don't open the door.

Definitely get the locks changed still. You might be positive that there's nowhere he could have got copies made that early in the morning but how do you know he doesn't have a friend who makes keys? He could even have his own key cutting machine. I'm not saying that he definitely does have copies but there is a possibility.

When you have had the locks changed, I would get a camera at the door too. You don't trust him and you need to protect yourself.

Louise5754 · 29/11/2021 09:11

Red flags yet he's been in your home several times and you've known him a month?

Now he's had access to your keys.

Please be more careful next time.

Original poster
Wilhelmine · 29/11/2021 09:11

He’s dropped them off and showed me his keys which are virtually identical to mine and on the same ring. He says he didn’t see my messages last night because he went to bed early (he does). So might have been a genuine mistake as he does take everything out of his pockets when he’s here. However am totally spooked now what with the previous behaviour and am going to take @Aphrodite31’s advice and make myself less available. Thanks for keeping me sane during the night!

OP posts:
BertramLacey · 29/11/2021 09:12

@Wilhelmine

He’s just called. He’s got them and is bringing them over now. Fucking twat. Do I still need to change the locks?
Yes. Even if he hasn't got them cut, he's creepy as all hell and has had your keys overnight. Could have made a mould of them. For your peace of mind and safety, change the locks.
TokyoDreaming · 29/11/2021 09:12

@LaurieFairyCake

purplesequins

Because if she's out at work he can't harm her - she can check on her camera doorbell if he ever goes in when she's out

And how would OP get back in to her house of she'd left the keys in the lock?
CherryRedDMs · 29/11/2021 09:12

Change the locks. Tell work what happened.
Get a Ring doorbell if you can.
Tell him (not in person) that it’s not working out, then block him everywhere.

Bahhhhhumbug · 29/11/2021 09:12

I would tell him to drop them through letterbox as you need to go to work then bolt yourself in. Position yourself somewhere with door in sight with a cup of coffee and wait and see if he tries the key in the door after knocking then you'll know for certain up to no good. But even if he doesn't try door l would still be suspicious as he might have just bottled it on letting himself in.

starfishmummy · 29/11/2021 09:13

@Cantdecidewhich

tell him you are going out and ask him to put them through your letterbox, he will think you locked up with a spare,
No. Because he might let himself in.
authenticforgery · 29/11/2021 09:13

Oh wow OP! How scary for you. Shame on everyone that scoffed at your instincts.

Lasair · 29/11/2021 09:14

What on earth ah did he take them?

Wheresthebeach · 29/11/2021 09:14

Unless you both have your keys on a plain ring, and both have the same sort of keys (e.g. one yale, one bolt) there is no reason for this mix up to happen. Even then, it's odd - why would he take his keys out and leave them somewhere at yours, and then accidently pick up yours instead?

Change the locks, block, and be done.

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