[quote Timetable99]@lovecomesquickly We moved in together recently and dividing up the housework what feels in a fair way to both of us has been an onging issue. He does much more of the cooking because he likes it but doesn't do anything else unless nagged. This includes all the cleaning, laundry, clutter, beds, general maintenance etc. And I have places like mumsnet to thank for realising I take on the "mental load" - he wouldn't in a million years realise that we need new toothbrush heads or need to buy more paracetamol or the gas meter readings need taking. It's getting exhausting trying different ways of getting him to notice things and I'm not sure he ever will, I presume this would only feel 100 times worse with kids and all the things they need.
It's not that he's particularly grumpy about doing things once asked but he usually sighs or makes pointed comments about how much he's already doing like I should be more appreciative. I don't feel like I should be thanking him for just doing what is asked. I don't get thanks for doing all the laundry and cleaning! Wondering how best to move forward with all this now.[/quote]
Imagine this.
You have a lovely baby who unfortunately, has colic. So they've been crying a lot since about 5pm. He's been sat there gaming whilst you've done all the care. Eventually, the baby falls asleep and you have to go and get some rest.
An hour later, just as you've gone into deep sleep from exhaustion, the baby starts making little noises. He's ignoring it. The noises get louder. He turns the volume up on his game. You wake, your head pounding, disorientated, dizzy, nauseous from lack of sleep to a screaming baby and the TV turned up full blast to drown out the sound of your child's cries. There's no cup of tea put beside you as you slump on the sofa because he's at a crucial point of the level. Just the constant noise of the game.
Thankfully, you go back to sleep quite quickly. Only to be woken up as he's decided to shoot some more aliens or whatever game he likes best - if it's a driving or football game, you won't be going to sleep at all. There's a constant flickering light and the baby just keeps on waking up - as though there's something disturbing them. You need another drink, but you go to the kitchen and find he hasn't even touched the washing up because he's been gaming.
You then get woken up again at 4.30am and then at 7, you're hoping he'll take over so you can get a bit more sleep. But he whines and moans that he's really tired and makes such a fuss that you're too wound up to sleep, especially as you know that he'll be back on the fucking console again the instant you nod off and you'll be woken by a baby who hasn't been changed and has a leaking nappy that he can't possibly have failed to smell but he's ignored because he cooked dinner last night.
It's not a life you want or need.