How long did you take to get over parent's death

[Halloweencat]

Don't know if I'm posting on the right thread, but my question is exactly my title. Coming up to the 1st anniversary of my dad's death. I have a supportive family & friends so I'm lucky with that. Have quite a few good days now, but every now & again it hits me like a ton of bricks all over again. Feel very sorry for my mum too, she's lost her soul mate. They are old, so you know one day in the not too distant future the inevitable will happen, its life; but how long did you take before your parents became a lovely memory, rather than feeling like your heart has been ripped out? Today I'm practically obsessed with him :(

My dad died five years ago when I was 44. I don’t feel the same now as I did in the first year that’s for sure. He was 84 and had been ill on and off for about 3 years. He wasn’t perfect by any stretch and there were aspects to his character that I really didn’t like. But he was also great and my dad! The “raft” analogy helped me - at first you’re clinging onto your life raft with waves crashing around you and it’s all you can do to hang on, then gradually the waves calm and eventually you’re sailing in calmer waters with the occasional unexpected big wave that sets you off course and takes your breath away.
to all

It's not something you get over. You learn to live with it. My Dad passed away May 2019 and I have days when I can't believe he is gone. It's tough and it's okay not to be okay about it. Hugs💐

Im sorry for your loss 💐

My mum died when i was 30 and when my first born was 17 months old…in 2000

I just feel cheated

My mum died last month aged 84. She had been very unwell and needed round the clock care- it was very hard as she lived hundreds of miles away. I’m sad she’s gone, loved her very much but am relieved she won’t suffer further. I don’t understand overwhelming grief for parents who are very elderly and had a life lived well.

I 3 years from the death of both parents (lived separately). To be honest I think I was about to make significant progress with grief and then Covid happened. Think that has delayed things as ‘normal life’ was on hold. Was about to get back to the old ‘heron’ travelling and being really social and loving work. Well that all went tits up and I had a pretty lonely tough lockdown. I haven’t progressed as much as I’d thought. Support all.

Mine have been gone 14 (mum) and 16(dad) years and I’m still not over it. I visited their grave recently - it’s 150 miles away so don’t go very often - and still shed tears. You don’t get over it, you just learn to move on with your life.

Sorry…my mum was 54

I’m 52…its gonna feel a bit weird when i outlive her (assuming i do obviously)

Earlier this year was my mum's one year anniversary and it knocked me absolutely sideways. I was crying today about missing her. You're still so early in the grief journey. Give yourself time

I will never get over my DFs death and it's been 17 years.

With my DM I didnt feel anything but anger at her and I didnt grieve.

Both my parents have died. 14 and 10 years ago. What helped me was something(the late) Sir Roger Moore said in an interview a few years ago. He said he missed his parents everyday.

It was like I had permission to be sad sometimes and that it was normal.

My mum died when I was 17. She was 38. Next week will be the 38th anniversary. Not a day has gone by in those 38 years when I haven't thought about her or how life might have been different. It never goes away but you do get used to it till its less painful.

I am.so.sorry for your loss xx I lost my Dad in my teenage years and I would genuinely say it took me 2 years to accept the shock . However I did come.to terms and accept the loss after that time. Here I am 30 years later and I can hear his voice and see his face and have so many memories that are a comfort. At the time.i was terrified these memories would.fade and my memories would be lost
however I promise you that is not the case. I can see and hear my Dad as clear as day, I love when he appears in my dreams .
I lost my mum.3 years ago and i still.find it hard, we were such good friends and I miss her so much daily. In truth I don't think you ever get over it but you eventually accept it as.the truth and learn to live with it.
I tell myself I have been so lucky to have such wonderful.parents who have shaped and influenced who I am who h helps my grief.
Take your time xx

My wonderful dad died just 4 weeks ago. I'm struggling if I'm honest,.

My lovely Nan brought me up she died 11 years ago and I still have days where I feel like my hearts been torn out. I do get on with life but she's always there in my heart ❤️

About 4 years for me to start feeling more normal again

My lovely dad passed away 2.5 weeks ago after a massive cardiac arrest. He was on life support for a couple of days, just enough time for everyone to get home. I'm absolutely broken. He was nearly 90 but in flying form. He had just driven down to the shops a couple of hours before it happened. I still can't get my head around it. I can't imagine hurting like this forever more.

I'm not sure I ever have. I just got on with things after my dad died a decade ago but I'm really missing him at the moment. In fact it seems worse as he's in the past now. Sorry, that's really bad isn't it.

The first year is hard - memories anniversaries music etc. At around 13 months I just felt different.
Could not tell you what it was but it was not quite so black and I started to live again -in a different way. Still sad on certain days but just a realisation that this was now life.

Found Covid and lockdown really hard - just wanted to phone my mum and have a natter, same with my Dad. Brought it home massively but also glad that they did not get covid either

I think so much depends on circumstances. My dad was in his 80s and he'd been ill - after being fit as fiddle up to that point. It meant his death five years ago wasn't a total shock, but nor did he linger on as a shadow of himself. Because my parents didn't live close by I don't miss him day to day - sometimes I can almost believe he's still there, but I only have to hear a piece of his favourite music and be in bits. I think having children of my own helps me to project forward rather than look back. In fact it's made totally reframe my feelings about why people have children - I think its for this very moment, to make the prospect of a parent's death bearable. to all who are grieving.

So sorry for your loss. I lost my mum 20 years ago and my dad 2 years ago. It still occasionally hits me like a ton of bricks and I’ll find myself sobbing in the car over a sad song on the radio.

The first year is always the hardest so cut yourself some slack- birthdays, anniversaries and family occasions are also triggers. Be kind to yourself, don’t be afraid to talk to people about it, particularly people in your family- sometimes just sharing a memory really helps.

You never get over certain things Op, you just learn how to live with it and function through the pain.Time does help but every now and again it will hit you like a ton of bricks. 13 years on and I can still have bad weeks, let alone hours or days.

@newname1979

My lovely dad passed away 2.5 weeks ago after a massive cardiac arrest. He was on life support for a couple of days, just enough time for everyone to get home. I'm absolutely broken. He was nearly 90 but in flying form. He had just driven down to the shops a couple of hours before it happened. I still can't get my head around it. I can't imagine hurting like this forever more.

As awful as it sounds it’s a blessing in a way that he was 90, had a good quality of life until the end and hopefully would have lost consciousness and not suffered too much. That’s how I would rather go instead of rotting away in a care home with dementia or just general poor health for years.

My Dad was my best friend. I felt terrible for the 3 years after he died, although the pandemic was in the mix for 18 months of that and all the dreadful news and images at the start just left me constantly re-traumatised. Not quite so bad since 3 years passed - I've started to feel a bit more like myself again. I doubt I'll ever 'get over it', but the pain is less near the surface. Grief isn't linear, it comes and goes. Take care over these next few weeks OP.

I think so much depends.

It took me years to get over my grandmother's death, but I wasonly a teen at the time.

My mum has dementia and as far as I'm concerned, it's like she's already died. I don't see my mum in her at all. Occasionally I get a twinge of sadness, but that's it.

I think if you’re finding it hard to get over a parents death - take comfort that it means they were a good parent.
Celebrate the love they had for you. Not everyone gets that lucky