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To be furious and upset with friends- what do we do
496

0verth1inker · 26/11/2021 12:10

I’ll try and keep this brief.

We (me, DH and DC age 4 and 2.5) were meeting friends (couple with DC age 8 months) at a Christmas light walk through thing around 1 hour 15 from where we live last Sunday eve at 4:30pm.
They booked tickets I transferred money (£62)
We get there at 4:25, message saying we are here will wait in car so we can all go in together as you have tickets
Response 4:35 ‘so sorry running late! We left about 45 mins ago won’t be long’
Rang x 2 eventually answer, asked if they will send us the e tickets so we can get in. ‘No no we are 10 mins away’
DC getting bored, wound up, want to go in. Text them asking to send tickets.
They Arrive 5:15. None of us allowed in as we have missed our slot.
We are raging, kids are crying we all take the bloody long journey home having to get a Maccies to cheer kids up.
We message asking for the money back, they say it’s ‘just one of those things, ridiculous they wouldn’t let us in’

They’re good friends but I am raging. It’s entirely their fault, they are v PFB and he woke up late from his nap then wanted a super long feed which is why they were late. How do I ask again, and firmly? They are unreasonable right??

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Am I being unreasonable?

AIBU

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SheldonesqueTheBstard · 26/11/2021 13:10

Another one here who can’t believe they didn’t just send the tickets when you asked.

Everyone can run late but the refusal lays the blame at their door.

The response to your text will tell you if they are decent or not.

£62 is bad enough. Disappointing your bairns is not on.

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notacooldad · 26/11/2021 13:10

I would be upset with that OP.
As time was moving on I would have sent another message saying 'Just send ours over and we will catch up with you when you are here'
Seeing that you missed the event I would be asking to rebook.

I have a friend who will go out of her way to be supportive. She is so generous and lovely and I love her in my life. However time keeping is not one of her top five strengths. I know to plan around time sensitive events such as the theatre, meeting other people when I'm with her etc. I think you need to do the same from now on!

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Camii · 26/11/2021 13:11

Glad you wrote to them. I get not wanting to wake their baby but not sending you the tickets and making your kids wait and then miss the whole thing is horrible behaviour.
I doubt they will return the money and pps suggestion to take step back is probably the best course.
Shame for you and your kids

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godmum56 · 26/11/2021 13:12

For me with that behaviour and that response, they'd no longer be friends. Not just flakiness but thoughtless too. If I was late and had the tickets I'd have been mortified and if I had the means to send e tickets, I would have done it as a matter of course well before the event! You aren't children and can hold your own tickets.

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Overthebow · 26/11/2021 13:12

So selfish of them. Their DC is more important than yours apparently, who makes a 4 year old wait that long? Get the money from them.

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littlefireseverywhere · 26/11/2021 13:13

I'd be super annoyed too, can't understand why they didn't just send you the tickets, then it wouldn't have been an issue! They created the issue in not sending them to you. Whenever I go arrange something and meet people I always send them the tickets to them directly too, to avoid exactly this sort of thing. I'd be so embarrassed if I was them and I'd certainly pay you back.

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Nomorepies · 26/11/2021 13:14

Can't believe they didn't do the decent thing and send you the tickets when it was clear they would be late! I would have been mortified and immediately given you the money back with present for the kids and a bottle of fizz.

They're utter shits and definitely suffering with PFB. I'd try asking again but decide if this is a hill you want to die on. I'd find it hard to stay mates after this and I'd at least be distancing myself and not booking again!

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sonjadog · 26/11/2021 13:15

I can't believe they wouldn't send them to you!

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0verth1inker · 26/11/2021 13:15

I’ve had a reply! ‘Money should be with you’ which sure enough it is.
It’s a v short message with no xxx’s which is unusual so I think they are annoyed but 🤷🏼‍♀️. I’ve rebooked for mid week next week.
They can definitely afford it (combined income >110k even with mat pay) so I don’t feel too bad.

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Aprilx · 26/11/2021 13:16

I’d ask for the money a final time and would then be stepping back from the friendship. Whilst you are not being at all unreasonable, I don’t understand why you brought in the added complication of one family buying tickets, they were obviously e-tickets so you could have just as easily bought your own. Next time keep it simple and do that.

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CSJobseeker · 26/11/2021 13:17

It's their fault you missed it - definitely don't feel bad!

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EuromamaAussiekids · 26/11/2021 13:17

Threaten small claims court. Sadly some people just take the p and never learn to respect others.

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MrsDoctorDear · 26/11/2021 13:17

@Overthebow

So selfish of them. Their DC is more important than yours apparently, who makes a 4 year old wait that long? Get the money from them.

Agree with this, selfish fuckers just didn't want your DC getting in without their PFB who wouldn't have had a clue. That's a twat thing to do and I couldn't stay friends with someone like that.
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SelfHelpPlease · 26/11/2021 13:17

You are not being unreasonable! Ask again for your money back.

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3luckystars · 26/11/2021 13:17

I would text them
‘Look I’m still really annoyed that we all lost our money last weekend. We were early and you were late, these things happen but you should have sent us the tickets so we could go in with our children.
I think you should have offered to refund us the money, or buy us new tickets for the event. That was the decent thing to do.’

Your friendship is over.

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JackieWeaverHandforthCouncil · 26/11/2021 13:17

Well from their behaviours I don’t think they see the friendship as being at the same level you do because if they did they’d be beyond apologetic and would’ve immediately asked whether you wanted your money back on cash or transferred. There would be no debate.

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SelfHelpPlease · 26/11/2021 13:18

Also what does PFB mean?

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Tabbacus · 26/11/2021 13:19

Glad you got the money back, as you say it is a lot, and they could have forwarded the tickets through to you when they knew they were running late.

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HollyandIvyandAllThingsYule · 26/11/2021 13:19

‘Perfect First Born’

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MumDad1958 · 26/11/2021 13:19

Did they definitely purchase tickets? Have you seen booking?

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OverTheRubicon · 26/11/2021 13:19

@0verth1inker

I don’t want to lose their friendship however since having their DC they’ve been incredibly flakey and every plan has to revolve around them and the baby so I honestly wouldn’t mind stepping back for a bit until they get a grip.

If they're so self centred that they don't feel awful for letting down your poor kids, nor give you your money back (at absolute minimum!), then they're not really your friends anyway.
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BloomingTrees · 26/11/2021 13:19

That's great they've sent the money
You shouldn't have had to ask twice though.

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Bumpsadaisie · 26/11/2021 13:19

I can't understand why they aren't mortified and why they didn't immediately refund you tbh!

What planet are they on?

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Goldenbear · 26/11/2021 13:19

I knew you were going to say they are well off. IME this is typical of quite a few people we know.

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JackieWeaverHandforthCouncil · 26/11/2021 13:20

Also ensure you only buy them Christmas cards this year and inexpensive gifts e.g just a selection box of chocolates to claw back some of your losses.

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