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To be furious and upset with friends- what do we do
496

0verth1inker · 26/11/2021 12:10

I’ll try and keep this brief.

We (me, DH and DC age 4 and 2.5) were meeting friends (couple with DC age 8 months) at a Christmas light walk through thing around 1 hour 15 from where we live last Sunday eve at 4:30pm.
They booked tickets I transferred money (£62)
We get there at 4:25, message saying we are here will wait in car so we can all go in together as you have tickets
Response 4:35 ‘so sorry running late! We left about 45 mins ago won’t be long’
Rang x 2 eventually answer, asked if they will send us the e tickets so we can get in. ‘No no we are 10 mins away’
DC getting bored, wound up, want to go in. Text them asking to send tickets.
They Arrive 5:15. None of us allowed in as we have missed our slot.
We are raging, kids are crying we all take the bloody long journey home having to get a Maccies to cheer kids up.
We message asking for the money back, they say it’s ‘just one of those things, ridiculous they wouldn’t let us in’

They’re good friends but I am raging. It’s entirely their fault, they are v PFB and he woke up late from his nap then wanted a super long feed which is why they were late. How do I ask again, and firmly? They are unreasonable right??

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Am I being unreasonable?

AIBU

You have one vote. All votes are anonymous.

JudgeJ · 26/11/2021 13:21

[quote 0verth1inker]@JudgeJ* I read *@Aquamarine1029 post as not a big loss of their friendship rather than finances! Yes it’s a lot of money this time of year and a real treat for our family.[/quote]
Sorry if I've misunderstood, appologies to @Aquamarine1029 then. Hope you and your family have a lovely time when you get there and your friendship survives.

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Bumpsadaisie · 26/11/2021 13:21

I think you will have to look on it as PFB craziness and give them a large benefit of the doubt - in five years time when they look back on this they will feel so embarassed!

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JackieWeaverHandforthCouncil · 26/11/2021 13:21

Oh just seen your update. Well done. You shouldn’t have had to ask once though let alone twice.

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pompomsgalore · 26/11/2021 13:22

Great outcome. Let us know how the friendships continues from here. Enjoy the lights!

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NearlyThereMum · 26/11/2021 13:22

@0verth1inker

I don’t want to lose their friendship however since having their DC they’ve been incredibly flakey and every plan has to revolve around them and the baby so I honestly wouldn’t mind stepping back for a bit until they get a grip.

It is absolutely not just one of those things! Their fault completely. Part of me wonders if they held the ticket back so you couldn't go either, knowing that they would miss it? Don't understand why they wouldn't just have sent you the tickets otherwise? I would message again and say 'hi can you please transfer over the ticket money so we can rebook it? Thanks' they're completely unreasonable to keep the money.
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godmum56 · 26/11/2021 13:22

@Earwigworries

I think you are right to ask them to reimburse you - but everyone seems to be assuming they have the money to give you - they might not . I wouldn’t keep asking - you’ve asked twice . In future make sure you are in control of your own tickets

If they haven't got the money now, they should be being honest about it and making suggestions about how and when they can pay.
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drpet49 · 26/11/2021 13:22

* YANBU but it does depend on how much you value their friendship as I have a feeling you might lose it over this.*

^I couldn’t remain friends with someone who did this to me

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TidyDancer · 26/11/2021 13:22

@SelfHelpPlease

Also what does PFB mean?


Precious first born.
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astoundedgoat · 26/11/2021 13:23

Phew! Doesn't matter if they're annoyed. Presumably not as distraught as your very young children were at the time, so "that's just how these things go", right?

We're not struggling for money or anything, but I've definitely known people who earn substantial salaries to be a bit stunned at the idea that £50-ish sorts of sums might actually matter to people. Proportionatey, it might be like losing a fiver to them, whereas for many of us that's the treat budget for the month. For some, that's the FOOD budget.

£62 is a lot of money. I'm glad you got it back. They might pause before being so blase in future.

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godmum56 · 26/11/2021 13:23

glad to hear your update op. And I don't think you should feel bad AT ALL

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0verth1inker · 26/11/2021 13:24

@Bumpsadaisie I will! I’m hoping they come through the other side. Perhaps this type of situation will remind them that their (lovely) child isn’t actually the centre of the world…
Anyway I’ve already got baby a gift and wouldn’t withold that anyway to be petty but I might pull back slightly on group trips for now (or at the very least book the tickets myself).

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vixeyann · 26/11/2021 13:24

If they were a good friend, you wouldn't have even needed to ask for the money back - they would have given it to you. It's not one of those things, as they could have sent you the ticket as you requested. Such CF response from them.

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TidyDancer · 26/11/2021 13:24

That's a good result OP. I would act like nothing has happened now. Don't make any special effort with them, the friendship may naturally drop now, but you might find they make more of an effort. Either way, you've got the money back and you've stood your ground. Well done.

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DeliriaSkibbly · 26/11/2021 13:24

I would simply be asking myself: Do I want these people as friends ?

They are so clearly in the wrong in every way. A true friend would have immediately given the money back as well as a profuse apology. Saying people are 'flakey' is simply another way of say they behave badly and nobody is calling them on it. £62 is not an inconsequential amount and to a lot of people it's a big deal.

OP - in your shoes I'd ask for the £62 to be refunded but be prepared to lose your friends over it.

To those saying "let it go" my question is simple: How much money would need to be at stake before you'd not let it go.

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thepeopleversuswork · 26/11/2021 13:24

It is shit: for me it wouldn't so much be the inability to go to the event or the loss of money (which is pretty significant), it would be the total lack of respect for you and your time.

In their defence, they have a smallish baby and they may be struggling more than you realise. It may be that once they've emerged from the bubble of obsession with their kid they realise they've been dicks.

I'd message back firmly saying: "Sorry, we want to go again and can't afford to waste £62 so would be appreciated if you could reimburse us."

If they don't respond favourably they're a lost cause.

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MrsDoctorDear · 26/11/2021 13:24

My DC being let down and in tears would bother me way more than the money.

Weren't they mortified for disappointing and upsetting your children?

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RubyTuesday70 · 26/11/2021 13:24

They sound like a right pair of drips not being able to get an 8 month old out the house!

Glad you got the money back. I'd text a "thanks, the kids were so upset to miss out and this will really cheer them up" back.

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JustGettingReady · 26/11/2021 13:26

This situation would royally anger me OP. I would be feeling exactly the same in your position.

Honestly, how this situation is resolved says more about your friends attitudes to you and your family. IMO, they should be the ones sorting this out, rather than you having to ask.

If I was the one who was late I'd have 100% sent you the e-tickets as soon as you asked for them. I would have been so much more considerate of your family and when the worst happened (you were refused entry) I would have immediately turned to you and apologised, offered to send you the money back or tell your poor children that I'd book tickets for another day (or another event if this one is fully booked).

I just don't understand why some people are so blinkered and don't have any empathy for others.
If your friend thinks it's ok to just brush this off, no matter how long you stay friends for, personally a little bit of me would always remember their lack of empathy, which would change how I view them. Sad

I hope they see the error of their ways and you get the money back (with a genuine apology too). Thanks

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Chchchanger · 26/11/2021 13:27

Glad they've sent it. Some people couldn't care less could they?
I hate lateness.
I hate selfish people.

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TrufflesAndToast · 26/11/2021 13:27

I’m glad you asked for (and got) your money back. I’m surprised so many people would be so wet about it. They behaved appallingly and upset your children, that would take a lot of grovelling before I would forgive them. If a friendship depends on one party being a doormat and not standing up for themselves in this sort of situation then it’s not a friendship worth having in my book. I wouldn’t contact them now OP until they contact you, hopefully apologising. I would be thoroughly pissed off that they have had the audacity to be short with YOU. No one would treat my children like that without being told in no uncertain terms how pissed I was. It’s one thing to mess me about but to upset a four year old at Christmas time and not even apologise…that’s not someone I would be interested in maintaining a friendship with tbh!

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Shehasadiamondinthesky · 26/11/2021 13:27

Why didn't they just wake him up and feed him on the way ff's.
I'd be ending the friendship if I didn't get my money back.
In fact I have done when a so called friend organised an event which she cancelled and hasn't given any of us our £70 deposit back. Ignores texts and emails.

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DisappearingGirl · 26/11/2021 13:28

Well done OP!

I was absolutely rubbish at getting anywhere on time with a baby. They always seemed to do a massive poo and then howl for a feed when we were just about to go anywhere.

But if I was late I would have sent you the tickets and/or money immediately and apologised profusely. In fact I probably wouldn't have dared book anyone else's tickets for fear of being late!

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JustGettingReady · 26/11/2021 13:28

Just seen the update! I'm glad you have re- booked and have your money back Grin

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RampantIvy · 26/11/2021 13:28

but I might pull back slightly on group trips for now (or at the very least book the tickets myself).

Don't book anything until the money is in your bank account.

I get that having a new baby can make you disorganised, but not sending the tickets was just so thoughtless and selfish. I would feel absolutely mortified if I had let someone down like that and would have offered a refund straight away.

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RosiePosieDozy · 26/11/2021 13:30

Of course they should have just forwarded you the tickets when they realised they were going to be even a couple of minutes late for the slot.

If I was you, I would be annoyed but would be forgiving if they said at the time that they would reimburse you.

They're not very good friends to have made an ordeal about giving you your money back.

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