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AIBU to think my DD is telling the truth, not the teacher?
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BearBirdBaboon · 26/11/2021 09:56

If a child tells one version of events and an adult tells another version of events, I think people automatically think the child is lying. A situation like this has come up at my DD's school, during a private music lesson, so only my DD and the teacher were there, so only they know what went on (nothing bad).

My DD is rarely dishonest and there's no reason why she would lie, as it's not something she would have got into trouble for.

Anyway, I think now that people would think that my DD is not telling the truth and I don't think that's fair.

Are you more likely to believe a teacher's version of events or your own child's version of events?

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Am I being unreasonable?

AIBU

You have one vote. All votes are anonymous.

NellieBertram · 26/11/2021 09:59

Completely depends on what the issue was.

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QualityChecked · 26/11/2021 09:59

It would depend entirely on the story.

If there's no reason for DD lie, is there a reason teacher would lie?

If it's "nothing bad" I'd put it down as a misunderstanding/ differing opinions

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Lavender24 · 26/11/2021 10:02

Would depend on exactly what happened.

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PleasantBirthday · 26/11/2021 10:03

It would depend. I expect the child would tell the truth about what they felt about the event but I also expect they might not interpret an adult correctly all the time or possibly have gathered the surrounding circumstances of an event.

For example, if a child felt picked on because they were pulled up on their uniform but another child wasn't, I would understand that they felt picked on but they might not be privy to information about the circumstances of the other child which the teacher might be taking into account.

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cushioncovers · 26/11/2021 10:03

What was the situation?

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SissySpacekAteMyHamster · 26/11/2021 10:04

I had those conversation with my child's high school once. I said I wasn't going to take the word of an adult over a child's as that was dangerous and unless there were independent witnesses I was going to believe my child.

I know my kids, and am happy for them to face punishment when they are in the wrong.

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LuaDipa · 26/11/2021 10:05

I would always believe my children.

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CatonMat · 26/11/2021 10:05

I wouldn't automatically assume either was lying, or being completely truthful, for that matter.

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HarrietsChariot · 26/11/2021 10:06

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk guidelines.

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Holly60 · 26/11/2021 10:07

I think it’s probably less about who i would believe and more about the severity of the situation. DD being told off for uniform - I would encourage DD to let it go as not a massive deal. DD accusing teacher of doing inappropriate, I would pursue like a rabid dog with a bone until the truth was known.

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RedCarsGoFaster · 26/11/2021 10:09

@HarrietsChariot and where do you stb on children disclosing sexual, physical or emotional abuse? Are they all lying too?

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SnowSurprise · 26/11/2021 10:09

Depends entirely on the situation and the teacher. I once spoke to DC1's teacher because I couldn't believe what DC1 had said and told him he must be mistaken. From her reaction, that clearly wasn't the case. From then on I believed DC1 over her.

Whilst my DC are no angels, I prefer to give them the benefit of the doubt. Especially looking back at how unfair I found it back in the day when the adult was, by default, always right. I clarify with the adult concerned and base my decision on that.

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Evesgarden · 26/11/2021 10:11

I would always believe my kids

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FangsForTheMemory · 26/11/2021 10:14

It depends on the issue but I do know one of my teachers lied about me when I was in my teens and it got on to my school report. 45 years on, it still make me angry.

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Divebar2021 · 26/11/2021 10:14

Message deleted by MNHQ as it quotes a deleted post. Here's a link to our Talk guidelines.

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FourTeaFallOut · 26/11/2021 10:15

@RedCarsGoFaster

*@HarrietsChariot* and where do you stb on children disclosing sexual, physical or emotional abuse? Are they all lying too?

HarriotsChariot, another thread another desperate bid for attention, are you bored today?
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QualityChecked · 26/11/2021 10:17

Message withdrawn as it quotes a deleted post.

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lastqueenofscotland · 26/11/2021 10:17

Children should feel safe challenging adults!
I think it depends what the situation was.

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NuffSaidSam · 26/11/2021 10:19

I would never automatically believe or not believe someone whatever their age. ( or I’d try not to) I’d look at the situation and try and determine who would gain from lying about it.

This is the only sensible solution.

You can't just automatically believe/not believe someone based on their age/job/relation to you.

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analbumcover · 26/11/2021 10:21

@HarrietsChariot, what an odd attitude to have,
I'll always remember something that happened at my primary school to a child when I was at school, and as young as I was I promised myself that if I had children I would always listen to their side, properly and carefully. Something I still stand by and one I continue in to my job.

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Aristodog · 26/11/2021 10:22

because otherwise children will think they can get away with challenging adults.

Why shouldn’t children be able to challenge adults? Adults aren’t always right!

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Essexmum321 · 26/11/2021 10:22

I had this with a private music teacher who lied, what he didn’t realise is that I was actually there at the time.

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AuntMargo · 26/11/2021 10:22

depends on circumstances of said lie , you cannot just automatically say I believe adult or I believe child.

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RedskyThisNight · 26/11/2021 10:23

It depends whether one person is definitely lying or simply putting a different interpretation on the situation.

DS once told me that another child pushed him down the stairs.
Actually the other child had tripped and fallen, and gone headlong into DS, also knocking him down the stairs.

DS wasn't lying. But his interpretation of the situation was also misleading.

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AuntMargo · 26/11/2021 10:25

@HarrietsChariot

I'd always side with the adult. Children lie and are fundamentally dishonest because they know there is no real sanction if they get found out. If the teacher lies, they could lose their job.

It's good practice to always believe the adult anyway, even if it turns out they are lying, because otherwise children will think they can get away with challenging adults.

Seriously !!! Cant believe this. Poor victims of abuse.
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