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AIBU to think my DD is telling the truth, not the teacher?
277

BearBirdBaboon · 26/11/2021 09:56

If a child tells one version of events and an adult tells another version of events, I think people automatically think the child is lying. A situation like this has come up at my DD's school, during a private music lesson, so only my DD and the teacher were there, so only they know what went on (nothing bad).

My DD is rarely dishonest and there's no reason why she would lie, as it's not something she would have got into trouble for.

Anyway, I think now that people would think that my DD is not telling the truth and I don't think that's fair.

Are you more likely to believe a teacher's version of events or your own child's version of events?

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Am I being unreasonable?

AIBU

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Moonlaserbearwolf · 26/11/2021 10:25

I would assume one or both of them had misunderstood something. It annoys me when I hear people say 'I would always believe my child' or 'I would always believe the adult.' Why?? Some things are not deliberate lies - EVERYONE is capable of misunderstandings or mis-remembering the facts.

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FromageRay · 26/11/2021 10:27

Message deleted by MNHQ. We've removed this one because it quotes a previously deleted post.

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AuntMargo · 26/11/2021 10:27

@LuaDipa

I would always believe my children.

Why? are the perfect ??
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penguinwithasuitcase · 26/11/2021 10:27

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Sirzy · 26/11/2021 10:28

I think in most cases of minor things (as it sounds like this is) the truth is somewhere in between both versions of events.

(For the avoidance of doubt that doesn’t include anything like abuse disclosures which are a whole other issue)

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HerRoyalHappiness · 26/11/2021 10:30

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IncompleteSenten · 26/11/2021 10:30

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LittleDandelionClock · 26/11/2021 10:31

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LittleDandelionClock · 26/11/2021 10:32

Agree with @IncompleteSenten

On a lighter note, that's a brilliant username!

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BearBirdBaboon · 26/11/2021 10:34

Thank you for the sensible replies. Without divulving the precise nature of the situation, I want to say that it isn't an interpretation issue and my DD wouldn't gain/lose anything by telling me what she told me. The situation was very black and white. A bit like my DD saying there wasn't a panda in the room, but the teacher saying that there was a panda in the room! Perhaps my DD just didn't see the panda? Something like that...

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GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 26/11/2021 10:34

Children should be able to challenge adults of course! I still have nightmares about not feeling I could give my version of events as against teachers.

I wouldn’t believe either person automatically. Tbh 9/10 it’s a misunderstanding and no one is lying - young children don’t always interpret things the way an adult will think they should.!” That’s when it’s quite a good idea to check with the school in a non confrontational way, and then talk it over with the child.

Children often do things that are well intentioned but that come over wrongly, or misinterpret an instruction, ime

There will be occasions when children are lying - usually because they fear being in trouble - or when an adult lies - often for the same reasons. But I don’t think one should assume one thing or another!

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A8mint · 26/11/2021 10:35

Ir depends. If the child said rhe teacher touched her inappropriately, i would believe the child. If she said she'd played the piece perfectly but he said she'd played wrong notes, i would believe the teacher

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GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 26/11/2021 10:35

Seen your update but doesn’t change the essence of my response

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girlmom21 · 26/11/2021 10:36

@HarrietsChariot

I'd always side with the adult. Children lie and are fundamentally dishonest because they know there is no real sanction if they get found out. If the teacher lies, they could lose their job.

It's good practice to always believe the adult anyway, even if it turns out they are lying, because otherwise children will think they can get away with challenging adults.

Children absolutely can challenge adults and to suggest they can't use dangerous.
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Sherrystrull · 26/11/2021 10:37

Sometimes children and also parents misunderstand things that happen at school.

A child once told their parent that they found maths so easy in my class and always got everything right. The parent came in all guns blazing saying I wasn't stretching them.

I explained that the child didn't always get everything right and were being very well challenged. I just had a culture of supporting all children and developing their confidence so they could attempt and complete any task set either independently or with support. I then praised them for their efforts and said how great they were at maths.

Once I'd shown the parent their child's workbook they felt reassured and apologised. I explained that I was very happy their child felt they could do everything easily, I was clearly doing a good job teaching!!!!

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saraclara · 26/11/2021 10:37

I don't ALWAYS side with anyone. It's as ridiculous to always believe your child as it is always to believe the adult.

And in response to the pp, not believing your child when they say they didn't eat the last biscuit, does not mean that you're not going to believe them when they say they've been abused.

It's a case by case and child by child judgment. One of mine seems almost incapable of lying, the other will lie if she's scared she'll be in trouble.

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Snoozer11 · 26/11/2021 10:37

@HarrietsChariot

I'd always side with the adult. Children lie and are fundamentally dishonest because they know there is no real sanction if they get found out. If the teacher lies, they could lose their job.

It's good practice to always believe the adult anyway, even if it turns out they are lying, because otherwise children will think they can get away with challenging adults.

I fucking hope you never become a parent.
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ohfook · 26/11/2021 10:37

I wouldn't assume either was a liar I'd just assume both had interpreted the events differently. The truth can sometimes be subjective.

Obviously this depends on the severity of the event. If my kid said a teacher had abused them and the teacher said they hadn't, I obviously wouldn't think oh they've just interpreted that differently!

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Sirzy · 26/11/2021 10:38

@BearBirdBaboon

Thank you for the sensible replies. Without divulving the precise nature of the situation, I want to say that it isn't an interpretation issue and my DD wouldn't gain/lose anything by telling me what she told me. The situation was very black and white. A bit like my DD saying there wasn't a panda in the room, but the teacher saying that there was a panda in the room! Perhaps my DD just didn't see the panda? Something like that...

But that even by the example you gave yourself could be down to different perspectives on the issue.

I
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QualityChecked · 26/11/2021 10:38

Chikdren need to expect to be heard, but to say I know my children, they never lie, I'd always believe them is just as ridiculous as saying you should always believe the adult.

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Bimblybomeyelash · 26/11/2021 10:38

There’s more than one version of the truth.

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KurtWildesChristmasNamechange · 26/11/2021 10:39

I always believe my DC, that's not to say I don't think they're capable of lying. Just that in the first instance I think it's important to take what they've said as truth until you have a chance to delve into what's happened.

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Lavender24 · 26/11/2021 10:42

@FromageRay I can't tell if you're serious or stirring

She's always stirring. This is the same poster who thinks children shouldn't share bedrooms because they will sexually abuse each other.

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Grayskelly · 26/11/2021 10:43

@BearBirdBaboon

Thank you for the sensible replies. Without divulving the precise nature of the situation, I want to say that it isn't an interpretation issue and my DD wouldn't gain/lose anything by telling me what she told me. The situation was very black and white. A bit like my DD saying there wasn't a panda in the room, but the teacher saying that there was a panda in the room! Perhaps my DD just didn't see the panda? Something like that...

I'd be very suspicious of anyone claiming there was a panda in the music room.
I'd defn believe your DD in this instance.
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00100001 · 26/11/2021 10:43

@HarrietsChariot

I'd always side with the adult. Children lie and are fundamentally dishonest because they know there is no real sanction if they get found out. If the teacher lies, they could lose their job.

It's good practice to always believe the adult anyway, even if it turns out they are lying, because otherwise children will think they can get away with challenging adults.

Confused
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