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AIBU to think my DD is telling the truth, not the teacher?
277

BearBirdBaboon · 26/11/2021 09:56

If a child tells one version of events and an adult tells another version of events, I think people automatically think the child is lying. A situation like this has come up at my DD's school, during a private music lesson, so only my DD and the teacher were there, so only they know what went on (nothing bad).

My DD is rarely dishonest and there's no reason why she would lie, as it's not something she would have got into trouble for.

Anyway, I think now that people would think that my DD is not telling the truth and I don't think that's fair.

Are you more likely to believe a teacher's version of events or your own child's version of events?

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Am I being unreasonable?

AIBU

You have one vote. All votes are anonymous.

TatianaBis · 29/11/2021 15:53

[quote Gosports]**@TatianaBis* @00100001*

She said there were lousy music teachers ‘in this country’, which you could read as the teaching here is worse than in other countries. She didn’t say there were lousy teachers full stop. So why so bad in this country?[/quote]
There are lousy teachers in all countries. But the standard of instrumental teaching generally in the U.K. is noticeably poorer than in E.Asia, Russia and E.Europe for example.

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Gosports · 29/11/2021 16:06

@TatianaBis
Ok - I guess you’ve worked in all of those areas, long enough in each to make a reasonable judgement. Best call the UK conservatories and let them know they need to up their game.

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TatianaBis · 29/11/2021 16:18

Not talking about conservatoires, this thread is about an instrumental teacher in a school.

I don’t why you’re taking a general comment so personally. It’s not about you.

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Gosports · 29/11/2021 16:26

These sweeping statements are both tiresome and untrue.

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PlanktonsComputerWife · 29/11/2021 16:39

Having had a Russian piano teacher from whose raps my knuckles are still smarting, I think @TatianaBis might be right about how rigorous training over there is.Grin Not that the LSO isn't the best in the world, because it is.

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Gosports · 29/11/2021 16:58

Rigorous isn’t necessarily better - it’s no good playing with good technique if you can’t play with feeling. And having your knuckles rapped probably doesn’t make you enjoy playing much!

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ManicPixie · 29/11/2021 17:26

@LuaDipa

Why? are the perfect ??

Of course not, but what kind of message are you giving to your children if you don’t unconditionally believe the things they say and assume that a relative stranger would be telling the truth above them.

I don’t actually agree with the notion that kids lie. I think they are generally very truthful as they have no reason to lie. They may misinterpret things, in the same way as an adult, but they don’t lie.

I do have direct experience of a teacher lying. He was unaware that I had heard the entire exchange and he lied as he knew he had said something that he shouldn’t. In fairness though, I would have believed my dd either way. I’m not sure that the school would have though.

Sorry, but unconditionally believing small children, even if they’re yours, is insane. The ability to lie is very natural development, and one they try out often. Doesn’t mean you never believe them, but clearly some discretion is necessary.
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TatianaBis · 29/11/2021 17:48

@Gosports

These sweeping statements are both tiresome and untrue.

It’s most certainly true that the general standard of instrumental teaching in schools in this country not high, outside specialist music schools. You can sometimes find a randomly good teacher but it’s very hit and miss.

You need technique and feeling. No use playing sensitively if you can’t get your fingers round the notes.
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Gosports · 29/11/2021 17:52

Have you worked as a music teacher in a variety of schools, areas, continents? Have you observed or mentored instrumental teachers?

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Oblomov21 · 29/11/2021 17:55

Sometimes there are lies.

Once I had an issue with Ds1 being kept in every lunchtime for weeks without My knowledge. Many of his classmates confirmed. numerous teachers lied about said it didn't happen, including deputy head. Said the children were lying. Eventually in complaint meeting teacher finally got confused, snapped back in response and accidentally admitted that it had happened.

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TatianaBis · 29/11/2021 18:14

@Gosports what’s your problem? Why not write a sentence asserting your capabilities and we can all move on.

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Gosports · 29/11/2021 18:31

I haven’t heard anything to back up your slanderous comments about my industry, so I guess I will just treat it as the binders nonsense it is.

To return to the original question, if a teacher teaches several instruments they may pick up one or other to demonstrate on from time to time. There could be many reasons for this. All the time, or most of the time, wouldn’t be ok though.

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Gosports · 29/11/2021 18:31

Binders? Not sure how that crept in there.

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thirdfiddle · 29/11/2021 18:37

It's not a kid lying situation. No motive.
It might be an interpretation question, or something happening a couple of times recently and child not thinking back over the whole term.

It might be a teacher having intention to bring/get out clarinet but not always getting around to it question, and it's teacher not remembering how often they've had which instrument out for a specific pupil of many.

If teacher says she never plays the flute in the lesson and kid says she does i'd think it very odd and believe the child.

If the child is serious about music I would look towards finding a teacher who specialises in it at some point even if that means out of school. DS plays a rarer instrument and I deliberately looked out a specialist teacher as he really champions the instrument himself and that's an inspiration for his pupils.

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Chely · 29/11/2021 18:40

I don't believe either initially, I listen to both sides and ask follow up questions before deciding.

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fairycakes1234 · 29/11/2021 18:47

@LuaDipa

I would always believe my children.

@LuaDipa
Be careful with that decision, just because they are your children and you love them, dont think for a minute they wont lie. You shouldnt always blindly believe your chidlren unless you konw the two sides of the story
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TatianaBis · 29/11/2021 19:05

@Gosports I haven’t heard anything to back up your comments for that matter, but the difference is that I don’t care.

Doesn’t sound like we’re on the same page in terms of standards.

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Gosports · 29/11/2021 19:16

Ok - as a West End and London orchestral and session musician, I still think you’re wrong. The UK is known for it’s excellent sight-reading standards, which is why our orchestras are often used in films. If playing a tune on the piano instead of the trumpet from time to time negates all of that…🤷‍♀️

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FinallyHere · 29/11/2021 20:08

The main point for me would be why you asked in the first place. If you have concerns that DD is not progressing as you should and suspect his might be because the teacher teaches using a different instrument, then perhaps address the lack of progression rather than the instrument?

this ^ wot @RedskyThisNight said

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TatianaBis · 29/11/2021 20:09

Wrong about what? Wrong that there are many too many jobbing instrument teachers in this country working in primary and secondary schools taking money for old rope?

As a player you must know that's true.

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PlanktonsComputerWife · 29/11/2021 20:29

@Gosports

Ok - as a West End and London orchestral and session musician, I still think you’re wrong. The UK is known for it’s excellent sight-reading standards, which is why our orchestras are often used in films. If playing a tune on the piano instead of the trumpet from time to time negates all of that…🤷‍♀️

pats @gosports

The incredible thing for me about this country is the standard of the music- if you go to the ballet, or to listen to chamber music, or even the local youth orchestra. We went to a panto before the lockdown and there were a handful of talented live musicians- in my country, that sort of show would be done to a tape!

(I'm foreign btw, no axe to grind).
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Gosports · 29/11/2021 20:39

Thanks @PlanktonsComputerWife 😁

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Gosports · 29/11/2021 20:40

That was supposed to be a smile - not a grimace!

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TatianaBis · 29/11/2021 20:40

Go to a school concert, however, and wince.

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Quartz2208 · 29/11/2021 20:41

DD has had different teachers over the years and I agree there are sometimes jobbing musicans who teach to make up earnings. She had one who would leave for musical gigs at the drop of a hat. He was not very good.

She has also had teachers (her current flute and singing ones) who passion is both music and teaching and they are very good.

Being a talented musican does not a talented teacher make. They both need different skills.

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