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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think she should replace my son’s bike

134 replies

Ofcrapface · 25/11/2021 08:26

So I have a cousin I was very close with growing up. She has had a few issues and has hurt me in the past but she was like my older sister growing up so I’ve forgiven her when she hasn’t even asked for forgiveness. I don’t know if this is clouding my view but yeah.

My cousin recently moved nearby with a massive garden, I live in a flat. My little boy loves bikes and had a new one for his birthday. I went to her house one day for a bbq and took his bike so he could play with his cousins. We left and forgot the bike, I asked her to put it in the shed so I could come and grab it. I asked her a few times if I could come round with the intention to pick up his bike. She was always busy, some time went on and I admit I forgot it was there.

I recently went round to her house for a celebration and I noticed the handles were missing off the bike. She never ever ever disciplines her children no exaggeration so I can imagine her child broke it and that was that. I never said anything at the time as didn’t want to ruin the celebration. Now I’m thinking to ask her what happened and can she please replace the bike?
BTW my son is only 1 so it’s a balance bike

OP posts:
TimeForTeaAndG · 25/11/2021 08:31

So you silently picked up a broken bike and left with it? Why didn't you ask what had happened to it, at least?! I imagine she's the sort of person who will turn it into your fault though (shouldn't have left it blah blah).

Original poster
Ofcrapface · 25/11/2021 08:32

No I left it there. I just spotted it in the garden but then it was time for cake

OP posts:
TimeForTeaAndG · 25/11/2021 08:33

Sorry I totally misread. You hadn't gone specifically for the bike. I'd still have taken her aside at some point and asked about the bike.

Ruining the celebration would have been causing a scene. A quiet word is not that.

Soontobe60 · 25/11/2021 08:37

Why didn’t you pick the bike up straight away? Your poor little boy has been left without a bike for how long now? Sorry, but you’re at fault here.

Mamamia7962 · 25/11/2021 08:38

You forgot it was there and some time went on? How long are we talking, 1 month, 2 months, six months? Maybe she thought you weren't bothered about it.

WheelieBinPrincess · 25/11/2021 08:41

He loved his bike so much you just left it there until you forgot about it? Confused

daimbarsatemydogsbone · 25/11/2021 08:42

I noticed the handles were missing off the bike
What are "the handles"?

ZenNudist · 25/11/2021 08:42

You needed to pick it up at the time. Its a balance bike. You can get one for £30 on ebay or possibly even free as people just give them away. I think you can buy replacement handles too.

MaggieFS · 25/11/2021 08:43

What an odd situation. You definitely need to talk to her about what's happened.

lechatnoir · 25/11/2021 08:45

How long are we talking here? A few weeks - fair enough definitely shoddy behaviour and yes I would be asking about it but if months & months have passed, she could reasonably have thought you weren't bothered and it became a garden toy.

PAFMO · 25/11/2021 08:47

@WheelieBinPrincess

He loved his bike so much you just left it there until you forgot about it? Confused
The child with the bike was 1? So what sort of bike are we talking that he loved so much you forgot to take it home at the time?
Dishwashersaurous · 25/11/2021 08:52
  1. It's weird that you left it there
  1. It's weird that you didn't go and pick it up straight away
  1. It's weird that you still haven't picked it up
  1. That you didn't comment on the fact it was broken.

Go and pick it up and when she hands you a broken bike ( although struggling to see how handlebars could come off a balance bike without a screw driver). Then ask her what happened

cushioncovers · 25/11/2021 08:55

I think you need to be more assertive in the future. This relative has a history of not caring about your feelings by the sound of it. She's not bothered by this situation but you are. You need to create some boundaries with her.

MysteriousMonkey · 25/11/2021 08:55

I don't think she will replace it and Im not sure she should. You left it there knowing that her children are never disciined so it probably isn't a surprise it's ruined. I'd chalk this one up to experience and make sure you never leave anything there again.

Original poster
Ofcrapface · 25/11/2021 08:57

So he has a loads of wheely type things, a ride on, a pushchair etc. So I did leave it there for probably about 2 months. It’s a balance bike.

It’s not that he went without for so long at all. I agree I need boundaries and need to stand up for myself.

OP posts:
Thehop · 25/11/2021 08:57

@MysteriousMonkey

I don't think she will replace it and Im not sure she should. You left it there knowing that her children are never disciined so it probably isn't a surprise it's ruined. I'd chalk this one up to experience and make sure you never leave anything there again.
Sorry OP, I can see this must be hurtful but I’m going to have to go with this.

Keep your guard up a bit with her in future.

ShinyHappyPoster · 25/11/2021 09:02

I'm confused that he's only 1 but had good enough control to 'love' a balance bike ages ago ... before you left it in a garden... and forgot about it. Unless by balance bike you mean something completely different from what I'm imagining.
But leaving it lying out in her garden is your responsibility not your relatives.

Dishwashersaurous · 25/11/2021 09:04

You left something lying at someone else's house for two months.

Someone who you know doesn't look after possessions well?

I'm just struggling to understand your logic. Have you even got it back yet?

What did she say about the fact that it was broken?

MrsFoxyplease · 25/11/2021 09:06

You really should have picked it up sooner.
If it had been left a couple of days and my dc had damaged it then I'd have offered to buy your ds a new one.
If it had been sat in my garden for over, say a month then I'd have thought you didn't want it so I wouldn't have been looking after it for you or buying a new one.

DrGoogleSaysSo · 25/11/2021 09:08

I would have taken the bike at the end of the party and when saying goodbyes, I'd ask her to look for the handles the next day as I would be coming to get them.

BonesInTheOcean · 25/11/2021 09:10

How is this OPs fault?

If cousin couldnt keep her feral dc off it, then she should replace it, might teach her how to look after her dc properly She never ever ever disciplines her children no exaggeration this is not OPs problem

Dishwashersaurous · 25/11/2021 09:12

The op knew exactly what the children were like and left an item there for two months. It's not her fault it was broken but it's a logical inference of what might have happened.

Bluntness100 · 25/11/2021 09:13

Bit surprised by a one year old being able to play with their cousins on a balance bike, that’s quite advanced really.

ZeroFuchsGiven · 25/11/2021 09:16

You didn't give a shit about the bike or you wouldn't have left it there. The issue is with your Cousin and the hurt in the past, not the bike.

YABU.

Dishwashersaurous · 25/11/2021 09:17

Also, yes very very advanced to be riding a balance bike at one

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