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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think she should replace my son’s bike

134 replies

Ofcrapface · 25/11/2021 08:26

So I have a cousin I was very close with growing up. She has had a few issues and has hurt me in the past but she was like my older sister growing up so I’ve forgiven her when she hasn’t even asked for forgiveness. I don’t know if this is clouding my view but yeah.

My cousin recently moved nearby with a massive garden, I live in a flat. My little boy loves bikes and had a new one for his birthday. I went to her house one day for a bbq and took his bike so he could play with his cousins. We left and forgot the bike, I asked her to put it in the shed so I could come and grab it. I asked her a few times if I could come round with the intention to pick up his bike. She was always busy, some time went on and I admit I forgot it was there.

I recently went round to her house for a celebration and I noticed the handles were missing off the bike. She never ever ever disciplines her children no exaggeration so I can imagine her child broke it and that was that. I never said anything at the time as didn’t want to ruin the celebration. Now I’m thinking to ask her what happened and can she please replace the bike?
BTW my son is only 1 so it’s a balance bike

OP posts:

maybloss2 · 26/11/2021 18:13

Um.. op you left it there. It’s your responsibility. It’s a shame she didn’t take care of it but as others have said she probably thought you weren’t bothered, as you didn’t just go and get it.

LittleMissMe99 · 26/11/2021 18:18

You basically dumped the bike there. The onus isn't on her to keep it safe.

LoisLane66 · 26/11/2021 18:35

I'm afraid YABU. Your son loves bikes but obviously has forgotten about the new one he got for his birthday. You say he's 1 year old but I guess he may be old enough to talk enough to ask for his bike.
You asked her to put in the shed so you could just 'grab it' which kind of makes me think you meant to go round whether she was in or not and just get it, at least your wording made it sound that way. Why didn't you go round when you knew she'd be in and just 'grab it', instead of making arrangements?

Augustmummy · 26/11/2021 20:02

I think you may be letting your old issues with your cousin cloud your judgment here but I also do not think you are being unreasonable about the bike.

Yes you left it there for two months but you did ask her to put it in the shed and you did try to collect it a good few times to which she declined as she was busy.

Now she hasn’t let you come and get the bike, she hasn’t stored it for (a favour for a family member is not much to ask is it) and they’ve bloody broke the thing now.

Because you asked to collect it and she said no, I think you are not being unreasonable here. You should however have just turned up for it unannounced. It’s family after all.

CinemaPantomime · 26/11/2021 20:19

Not following how kids got the handlebars off. They don’t just come off. You usually need tools.

Michellelovesizzy · 26/11/2021 20:44

If it was me I would have told you my kids have broken the bike I will get u a new one and apologised...... I am quite a loud person and would defo have said wft happened to the bike

A8mint · 26/11/2021 20:56

she isnt running an indefinite unpaid safe storage facility.YABVU

CreepySpider · 26/11/2021 21:01

After two months, I would have sent it to a charity shop. She lives nearby so I really can’t see any excuse for not collecting it.

PerfectlyUnsuitable · 26/11/2021 21:20

I think the obvious conclusion from this thread is that most posters are just as incapable as the OP to talk to their family.

I mean, throwing away a bike wo talking to its owner first? Esp when the owner is family?

PerfectlyUnsuitable · 26/11/2021 21:21

@CreepySpider

After two months, I would have sent it to a charity shop. She lives nearby so I really can’t see any excuse for not collecting it.

I personally wouldn’t have seen any excuses for not taking the time to talk to a family member and remind them of the bike first.

But yes, it involves talking to people. Horror.

Pixxie7 · 26/11/2021 21:27

It’s sounds as if you really dislike this women, although I see your point. You can get a new replacement bike for less than £30 so I would just put it down to experience.

Thinkbiglittleone · 26/11/2021 21:30

Of course she should not have allowed it to get broken or replaced it if it did.
I would be mortified if our DS broke something of someone else's and he would be apologising himself by card or over the phone as soon as he did it. It's just teaching basic respect, it shocks me people think this is ok.

CrankyFrankie · 26/11/2021 21:53

If I were in your cousin’s position there is no way I’d have let my kids piss about with it. Put it in the shed, garage, wherever! She clearly still disregards you and your feelings.

RedWingBoots · 27/11/2021 01:25

@Thinkbiglittleone

Of course she should not have allowed it to get broken or replaced it if it did. I would be mortified if our DS broke something of someone else's and he would be apologising himself by card or over the phone as soon as he did it. It's just teaching basic respect, it shocks me people think this is ok.

Ahh but if you had a family member who you had previous issues with and who also had poorly disciplined kids, would you risk leaving one of your child's favourite toys at their house?

You can't expect everyone to behave like you.

divface · 27/11/2021 07:46

Just forget it and move on. It wS
An accident

Balance bikes are flimsy. Ours fell apart and the parts are irreplaceable. We had to buy a new one

They're easily broken and not built to last

Thinkbiglittleone · 27/11/2021 07:55

Ahh but if you had a family member who you had previous issues with and who also had poorly disciplined kids, would you risk leaving one of your child's favourite toys at their house?

She accidentally left it there and then forgot, it wasn't a thought out decision.

You can't expect everyone to behave like you.
I can expect everyone to have common decency and manners and then express my disappointment when, as an adult, they don't.

Briony123 · 27/11/2021 08:59

You don't seem to look after or care about your son's bike so why would you expect anyone else to?

mam0918 · 27/11/2021 11:49

@Thinkbiglittleone

Ahh but if you had a family member who you had previous issues with and who also had poorly disciplined kids, would you risk leaving one of your child's favourite toys at their house?

She accidentally left it there and then forgot, it wasn't a thought out decision.

You can't expect everyone to behave like you.
I can expect everyone to have common decency and manners and then express my disappointment when, as an adult, they don't.

Common decency is not to abusing family expecting them to act as an unpaid storage facility. Manners would be to collect your item in a timely fashion when you are inconveniencing other people.

OP is simply in the wrong, the LAW which is legal rules accepted as the state of the society in which to govern correct conduct is VERY clear on that so this isn't really any debate to be had here, the straight-up FACT is OP is wrong.

People arguing the opposite have lost and continuing to argue is bizarre, it doesn't make you look like a more moral person it makes you look like you can't understand basic rules and what anyone here might choose to do above and beyond the law (martyring and formatting themselves to entitled relatives who don't even like them) has zero bearing on this simple issue.

mam0918 · 27/11/2021 11:50

Doormatting not formatting

WaltzingTilda · 27/11/2021 11:59

Shouldn't have left it there and "forgotten" about it. If it is so important to you that it needs replacing you wouldn't have forgotten it in the first place.

HeckyPeck · 27/11/2021 12:06

I can't believe some of the responses on here.

If a friend/family member left a child's toy at your house and you were too busy for them to come and collect it, would the ones saying OP is unreasonable really just let your kids break it?!

My friends/family have left things at my house before and I just put them away safely until they can collect and vice versa.

If one of my friends/family left something and it got damaged because I hadn't bothered to put it away, I would offer to replace it.

Cocomarine · 27/11/2021 12:08

@Ofcrapface

Okay, thanks for everyone’s opinions. It just slipped my mind after a bit. I will just replace his bike my fault

It’s the actual whole handlebar section that came off. I also only saw her kids had no discipline after the fact but I won’t ask her to pay for anything.

Oh please. Bullshit.

In your OP you said she never ever disciplines her children, and now you’re back pedalling (no pun intended!) saying you only knew after the fact that there was no discipline - because people were pointing out that knowing there could be damage you shouldn’t have just left it there for months.

HeckyPeck · 27/11/2021 12:12

Come on now, it's hardly abusive to forget something. OP said they repeatedly asked to collect it but their cousin was always too busy.

I suspect it was broken soon after you left and that's why the cousin was always 'busy', hoping OP would forget about it.

I'm not sure why you're talking about the law. Do you only do things if the law requires it?

If I accidentally bump into someone, the law doesn't say I have to apologise, but I do anyway because it is polite.

If my friend leaves something at my house, the law doesn't say I have to look after it, but I do because it is the kind thing to do and I actually like my friends.

Cocomarine · 27/11/2021 15:21

@HeckyPeck I’m not sure OP actually did say she wanted to collect it. Her wording’s a bit odd: “ I asked her a few times if I could come round with the intention to pick up his bike”. You wouldn’t really say “with the intention” - that makes it sound like she just asked the cousin about calling in, with the intention of that being known only to OP. In which case, cousin may just have been saying too busy for a play date, not deliberately hiding that the bike had broken.

It is shit that it got damaged, but I think OP knew she was taking her chances, leaving it there for 2 months knowing the kids were unruly.

mam0918 · 27/11/2021 15:40

@HeckyPeck

Come on now, it's hardly abusive to forget something. OP said they repeatedly asked to collect it but their cousin was always too busy.

I suspect it was broken soon after you left and that's why the cousin was always 'busy', hoping OP would forget about it.

I'm not sure why you're talking about the law. Do you only do things if the law requires it?

If I accidentally bump into someone, the law doesn't say I have to apologise, but I do anyway because it is polite.

If my friend leaves something at my house, the law doesn't say I have to look after it, but I do because it is the kind thing to do and I actually like my friends.

She FORGOT about it... she wasn't asking to go round to get it she did maybe once or twice as a general 'are you in?' and then completely abandoned the bike forgetting she even had it and only remember after she saw it when she went round for something unrelated MONTHS later.

People forget things but the onus to protect it doesn't suddenly become someone else's responsibility, if it's lost or damaged it's not on the cousin just as it wouldn't be any one else's fault but hers if she forgot it at school or her kid's friends' house or outside of Sainsbury's or at the park.

As a kid my grandparents lived with my dad due to ill health, my grandparents invited cousins round when I was with my mam and they used or damaged MY stuff while staying in my bedroom all the fucking time... but you can't expect anything you leave around other children (or even in a shed with their toys) to not get touched.

Since people want to talk manners making those kids that live their look at a toy they cant touch for 2 months because you can't be arsed to go get it would be exceptionally bad manners.

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