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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think she should replace my son’s bike

134 replies

Ofcrapface · 25/11/2021 08:26

So I have a cousin I was very close with growing up. She has had a few issues and has hurt me in the past but she was like my older sister growing up so I’ve forgiven her when she hasn’t even asked for forgiveness. I don’t know if this is clouding my view but yeah.

My cousin recently moved nearby with a massive garden, I live in a flat. My little boy loves bikes and had a new one for his birthday. I went to her house one day for a bbq and took his bike so he could play with his cousins. We left and forgot the bike, I asked her to put it in the shed so I could come and grab it. I asked her a few times if I could come round with the intention to pick up his bike. She was always busy, some time went on and I admit I forgot it was there.

I recently went round to her house for a celebration and I noticed the handles were missing off the bike. She never ever ever disciplines her children no exaggeration so I can imagine her child broke it and that was that. I never said anything at the time as didn’t want to ruin the celebration. Now I’m thinking to ask her what happened and can she please replace the bike?
BTW my son is only 1 so it’s a balance bike

OP posts:
Wheresmywoolyjumpers · 25/11/2021 11:46

It should not have happened but if you forgot it and did not pick it up you dont have much of a position here.

rainrainraincamedowndowndown · 25/11/2021 11:51

If you can leave it and forget about it for long time, then I don't blame the cousin's children playing with it.

Original poster
Ofcrapface · 25/11/2021 11:54

I don’t blame them for playing with it, they’re just kids course they would but if my kids broke something, that was someone else’s I would be sorry, and offer to pay for it. I get I should not have left it for so long. It’s okay I’ve ordered him another one

OP posts:
AdobeWanKenobi · 25/11/2021 11:55

Oh look it's the usual suspects completely missing the point of the OP's question and choosing to focus instead on how her child used the bike and what the weather was like for a BBQ.

You have to laugh at the contrariness don't you? 😂

TheOrigRights · 25/11/2021 12:00

Disregarding everything else, firstly you need to find out what exactly happened to the handlebars.
You have assumed her child has broken the bike and your cousin decided not to say anything about it.
That might not be the case at all so none of us can say whether she should contribute towards its repair/replacement.

Balance bikes are pretty sturdy; it would be quite a job to completely wreck one.

DDivaStar · 25/11/2021 12:15

Have you actually asked her about the handlebars? The likelihood is they are there and just need putting back on.

FlibbertyGibbitt · 25/11/2021 12:36

Two months ? Could have been stolen, should have collected it within the same week

worriedmum20000 · 25/11/2021 12:37

@Arethechildreninbedyet

I disagree with the masses. Eight weeks is nothing especially now winter is here. I wouldn’t let on like you’ve seen it.

Text her and thank her for the party. Add on ‘forgot DS’ bike AGAIN! Let me know what night you’re in and I’ll come and collect it this week, don’t want it clogging you up any longer!’

It may not even have been his bike OP, it could have been an old one of her children’s maybe? Regardless, this opens the dialogue about the bike and gives her the opportunity to come clean or to make good before you pick it up.

I'd do this
DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 25/11/2021 12:50

@LittleMysSister

I do think it's rude of her to not take care of something someone else had accidentally left at her house, especially since you'd asked a few times to collect it and she was busy so you couldn't - I'd guess her 'busyness' was actually because she knew it was damaged and was hoping you'd forget it was there eventually.

However, I do think you should have mentioned it when you saw it in the garden, and you may have missed the best chance to bring it up now.

This. Although I think you were right that it would have been awkward to start an argument at the party.

I think she did put you off collecting because it was damaged, but if it only needs new handles. However, she didn't ask you to leave it there and if you wanted it back you should have just showed up and collected it. So I think you should just collect it and repair it or forget it and leave it there.

Moving forward. You know what your cousin is like now so set some boundaries and don't let her do things like this again.

Easterndream · 25/11/2021 13:46

@Ofcrapface

I don’t blame them for playing with it, they’re just kids course they would but if my kids broke something, that was someone else’s I would be sorry, and offer to pay for it. I get I should not have left it for so long. It’s okay I’ve ordered him another one
You were responsible for your son's bike and continued to be so throughout the months left in this woman's garden. I would be annoyed with you because I 'd have felt obliged to make my children be " considerate" of t he bike abandoned on my property. If she didn't go out of her way to make sure her older children weren't playing on it, dismantling/ adapting things( mine all played with their possessions in this way with my blessing) then that is your problem, not hers. Maybe she put it in the shed but it was in the way of other stuff, or simply she thought you'd come and get it sooner. I'm a people pleaser and so I' d put myself out to make sure it wasn't damaged, but to be honest it would annoy me.
mam0918 · 25/11/2021 14:10

@Ofcrapface

If my cousin/friend left something at my house that I could put neatly away. I would do it, I asked her to put it away she said that’s fine. Not really understanding why it should be chucked out or the law quoted
The law is being quoted because you are expecting HER to pay for something when legally you are entirely in the wrong.

There is no basis for her being expected to pay for anything.

mam0918 · 25/11/2021 14:13

LittleMysSister - OP waited so long she 'forgot' about it... that's not remotely attempting to retrieve property that's abandonment.

MintJulia · 25/11/2021 14:18

Do you mean the grips?

Clean and oil the bike (it's been outside for months) and buy some new grips in Halfords. Or order them online. It shouldn't cost much

LittleMysSister · 25/11/2021 15:16

@mam0918

LittleMysSister - OP waited so long she 'forgot' about it... that's not remotely attempting to retrieve property that's abandonment.
OP's said it was about 2 months? And she has asked to collect more than once during that time.

I honestly don't think it's that long and wouldn't consider something a friend or family member left at my house accidentally as 'abandonment' anyway? I'd keep it safe for them until they took it back. I definitely wouldn't let it get damaged and then just ignore it, I'd apologise and explain.

LittleMysSister · 25/11/2021 15:23

PS. I don't think OP can really do anything about it now and it's been too long, plus her son is only one, he won't be bothered.

I just don't agree that accidentally leaving something behind at a family member's and not picking it up for a couple of months gives them free reign to do whatever they like with it.

Dishwashersaurous · 25/11/2021 20:12

Have you honestly ordered a brand new bike before you've even collected the old one and seen what is wrong with it?

Handlebars can't snap off, they are metal, so probably just a loose screw

AdobeWanKenobi · 25/11/2021 20:27

Handlebars can't snap off, they are metal

How on earth can you possibly know that!? Do you know the OP?
This one looks to be rubber, I've seen several that are wood and many that are plastic.

To think she should replace my son’s bike
SeniorSchoolShuffle · 25/11/2021 20:34

I'm guessing it's the grips not the actual handle bars. If they've snapped the handle bars off that's bloody impressive. Just buy new grips OP. They aren't massively expensive. Don't bin a perfectly good bike because they grips have come off - that's daft.

Dishwashersaurous · 25/11/2021 20:45

You don't even need grips to operate a bike.

As she refers to it as a balance bike rather than a toy or something similar I made the sensible assumption that it would be metal. As bicycles as opposed to toys are metal

Eeyoresideyestigger · 26/11/2021 00:47

It doesn't matter what MNers think or try to argue in here. A judge would consider this abandoned property snd it comes back in what state it comes back in

OP was foolish to have left a new toy for her 1 yo used once, at her relative's. (Or anyone's) house FOR TWO MONTHS!

OP has no real excuse why she did so, as Meh my friend didn't let me come round ain't cutting it - you turn up next day or day after saying please give my my sons bike back ....

You don't whinge months later having abandoned it

londonrach · 26/11/2021 06:53

That's a long time to leave the bike. Buy new handles

CherryRedDMs · 26/11/2021 11:40

Loads of one year olds ride balance bikes around where I live and they had them for that age group at our nursery. Both my kids started using them shortly after turning one. Possibly they weren’t using them as “properly” as PP described but they got around very well and had fun nonetheless. By 2 they were riding pedal bikes (never had stabilisers) so clearly they got something out of it.

RedWingBoots · 26/11/2021 11:50

Agree with you @Eeyoresideyestigger

OP if you valued the bike you wouldn't just ask your cousin to collect it you would repeatedly just turn up at her house to get it back.

If I left my DD balance bike for an hour anywhere from the time she got it she would let me know.

When we take the bike to playgrounds I have to hold on to the damn thing at all times. We went to a fayre, another child tried to take it and my DD let everyone know...

DaisyStiener · 26/11/2021 17:40

Hmm a lesson not to bring/leave anything at their house again.

I had cousins like this. I never so much as drew on my dollies or cut their hair, but cousins and aunt though my nothing of launching my dolly’s van down the stairs and smashing it. Sad

She doesn’t care so her kids never will

Sorry about the bike - you should be able to pick up a second hand one no bother.

TheOrigRights · 26/11/2021 17:50

@DaisyStiener

Hmm a lesson not to bring/leave anything at their house again.

I had cousins like this. I never so much as drew on my dollies or cut their hair, but cousins and aunt though my nothing of launching my dolly’s van down the stairs and smashing it. Sad

She doesn’t care so her kids never will

Sorry about the bike - you should be able to pick up a second hand one no bother.

But we don't actually know the OP's cousin's children damaged the bike.