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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think she should replace my son’s bike

134 replies

Ofcrapface · 25/11/2021 08:26

So I have a cousin I was very close with growing up. She has had a few issues and has hurt me in the past but she was like my older sister growing up so I’ve forgiven her when she hasn’t even asked for forgiveness. I don’t know if this is clouding my view but yeah.

My cousin recently moved nearby with a massive garden, I live in a flat. My little boy loves bikes and had a new one for his birthday. I went to her house one day for a bbq and took his bike so he could play with his cousins. We left and forgot the bike, I asked her to put it in the shed so I could come and grab it. I asked her a few times if I could come round with the intention to pick up his bike. She was always busy, some time went on and I admit I forgot it was there.

I recently went round to her house for a celebration and I noticed the handles were missing off the bike. She never ever ever disciplines her children no exaggeration so I can imagine her child broke it and that was that. I never said anything at the time as didn’t want to ruin the celebration. Now I’m thinking to ask her what happened and can she please replace the bike?
BTW my son is only 1 so it’s a balance bike

OP posts:
YahooTheMilkshake · 25/11/2021 10:32

Why is it odd a 1 year old is using a balance bike? I suspect the toddler in question is around 18 months + rather than newly 1. Mine were all using a scooter between around 15-17 months, not hugely different to a balance bike.
Very strange you left it there for so long, to be honest if someone left something here for that got ruined I'd probably consider it their fault. We don't have a shed, so everything is out, if it got broken and rusty after someone left it there it is there fault. I would have told asked them if they wanted it or if I should take it charity shop/ tip depending on condition before it got to 2 months though.

Don't leave things there again.

3WildOnes · 25/11/2021 10:33

How did the whole handlebars come off? I don’t see how that would be possible. Unless someone removed them with a screwdriver. I have a balance bike that is on our third child now and handlebars are fine despite it being almost 10 years old.
None of mine ever did get the hang of the balance bike but they were all scooting on their mini micros before 2 so I don’t think a 1 year old on a balance bike is that strange.
I would just ask her what happened?

TatianaBis · 25/11/2021 10:36

Next time, don’t leave your possessions around at other people’s houses to get damaged.

Cacee3029 · 25/11/2021 10:38

YANBU. I live quite far away from my family and if I've ever forgot something, it could be there a while I would be mortified if they didn't look after it. On the plus side balance bikes are pretty reasonably priced.

Oftenithinkaboutit · 25/11/2021 10:39

@Cacee3029

Op says she lives nearby

WashableVelvet · 25/11/2021 10:42

If the entire handlebars are gone you might need a new one or the part might be replaceable. If it’s just the rubber grips those are definitely replaceable.

FateHasRedesignedMost · 25/11/2021 10:44

You left it there and forgot about it, why should she replace it?

Tal45 · 25/11/2021 10:45

If you leave something at a family members house you expect them to look after it surely? I would but maybe my expectations of people are far too high. I wouldn't expect her to cough up though, I doubt that's likely unfortunately. Learn your lesson about this cousin OP, maybe distance yourself a little and don't take any of your children's toys around there again.

DGFB · 25/11/2021 10:47

They haven’t looked after it which is rubbish. But you left it for two months.
I’d also chalk it up to experience and not say anything

ticktockriojaoclock · 25/11/2021 10:49

daimbarsatemydogsbone
I noticed the handles were missing off the bike
What are "the handles"?

Presumably the bits you hold on to!

Rosebel · 25/11/2021 10:52

You asked your cousin to put it away and she obviously didn't. You asked a few times if you could collect it and she said no.
I'm failing to see why so many people think it's your fault. We all forget things occasionally and your cousin knew you wanted the bike back but rather than look after it she let her kids break it.
She should pay for a new bike but I bet she won't.

dontwannasaymyjob · 25/11/2021 10:57

You are at fault here OP
You left DSs bike there for 2 months!!
If it had been overnight for a day or two fair enough you'd asked her to put it in shed - you would expect it back in one piece, but two months??
You abandoned it! She can't be expected to police use of it or store it that long .. you said yourself that you already know 'her children aren't careful with things'.

(Let me tell you a secret - children in big families often aren't "as careful" with things as small "only" children are, because joint games can involve "stunts" GrinSmile even when they look like "they're playing nicely together". And if DCs have friends over.... ShockGrinWink)

By all means say you were sad to see my DSs balance bike was broken after he left it there & where is the rest of it please? But you've no grounds to ask her to pay for anew one when you'd effectively abandoned it to all weathers. Their family shed will be full and not have a separate 'toys abandoned by owners but you're not allowed to play with' section.

Can you imagine the thread by your cousin ? "My lazy cousin left her sons toddler bike in my garden failing constantly to collect it & it was left out for two months in all weathers where anyone could play with it including visiting children. She still didn't collect it. We didn't have room to store it away as we have enough of our own garden bikes and trikes to store. Somehow the handle bars have fallen off - and she now wants me to buy her DS a brand new bike? Wtaf?"

DeepaBeesKit · 25/11/2021 11:02

If your son got a proper balance bike for his first birthday and was able to ride it I'm gonna need to see a video for proof of that Hmm

Many children can barely do it at 2.

But anyway I digress. You left it there 2 months, it's your problem.

Skysblue · 25/11/2021 11:03

Yanbu. There are people who look after things and people who don’t. Your forgetfulness does not excuse your sister’s thoughtlessness. For you it was ‘bike out of sight out of mind’ but she will have been seeing it regularly and thus reminded of it and she still failed to keep it safe from her children. If it was left at my house, I’d have dropped it off to you! Some people have better manners than others and there seem to be both kinds commenting on this thread, but I don’t think it was your fault, I think she should have either dropped it off to you or at least kept her kids off it.

Imagine if I accidentally left my phone at someone’s house and instead of keeping it safe they let their kids play with it until they’d completely broken it. The fact that it was your son’s bike not an iPhone doesn’t mean it was ok to trash it.

DeepaBeesKit · 25/11/2021 11:04

Oh and both mine could scoot at 18m too but very few children cam ride a balance bike properly, coasting with both feet up, until 2+. Its different to a scooter.

Arethechildreninbedyet · 25/11/2021 11:14

I disagree with the masses. Eight weeks is nothing especially now winter is here. I wouldn’t let on like you’ve seen it.

Text her and thank her for the party. Add on ‘forgot DS’ bike AGAIN! Let me know what night you’re in and I’ll come and collect it this week, don’t want it clogging you up any longer!’

It may not even have been his bike OP, it could have been an old one of her children’s maybe? Regardless, this opens the dialogue about the bike and gives her the opportunity to come clean or to make good before you pick it up.

ZeroFuchsGiven · 25/11/2021 11:17

I disagree with the masses. Eight weeks is nothing especially now winter is here. I wouldn’t let on like you’ve seen it

I don't believe it was for only 8 weeks at all, How many people were having a BBQ back end of September? It certainly wasn't warm enough here for that.

Original poster
Ofcrapface · 25/11/2021 11:27

He never actually rode the bike, he just scooted along. No video proof needed Wink

If she left something with me, I would put it away: especially as she has a shed, I asked her to put it away. If my child then played with it and broke it. Me personally I would replace it

OP posts:
Oftenithinkaboutit · 25/11/2021 11:27

* I don't believe it was for only 8 weeks at all, How many people were having a BBQ back end of September? It certainly wasn't warm enough here for that.*

Glorious here some evenings late September! SE

mam0918 · 25/11/2021 11:32

By law I believe the property would be classified as 'abandoned'... you did not loan it to her, she was never in a position of agreeing prior to its abandonment to its safe storage and you didn't go collect it in a timely manner - she has zero responsibility to protect and store it and you cant then force responsibility on her.

Ironically by law, I do believe she could claim for storage (if you return to collect it) or disposal (if you do not collect it) costs though.

So not only do you not have a claim but she legitimately does.

silverbubbles · 25/11/2021 11:32

You are being a bit naughty here!]

Why should your cousin take responsibility for your property that you dump at her house?

If some one dumped there bike at my house for 2 months I would have assumed they didn't want it and given it away.

Oftenithinkaboutit · 25/11/2021 11:33

@silverbubbles

You are being a bit naughty here!]

Why should your cousin take responsibility for your property that you dump at her house?

If some one dumped there bike at my house for 2 months I would have assumed they didn't want it and given it away.

You’d dump your cousin’s toddlers balance bike?
LittleMysSister · 25/11/2021 11:42

I do think it's rude of her to not take care of something someone else had accidentally left at her house, especially since you'd asked a few times to collect it and she was busy so you couldn't - I'd guess her 'busyness' was actually because she knew it was damaged and was hoping you'd forget it was there eventually.

However, I do think you should have mentioned it when you saw it in the garden, and you may have missed the best chance to bring it up now.

Original poster
Ofcrapface · 25/11/2021 11:42

If my cousin/friend left something at my house that I could put neatly away. I would do it, I asked her to put it away she said that’s fine. Not really understanding why it should be chucked out or the law quoted

OP posts:
LittleMysSister · 25/11/2021 11:45

@mam0918

By law I believe the property would be classified as 'abandoned'... you did not loan it to her, she was never in a position of agreeing prior to its abandonment to its safe storage and you didn't go collect it in a timely manner - she has zero responsibility to protect and store it and you cant then force responsibility on her.

Ironically by law, I do believe she could claim for storage (if you return to collect it) or disposal (if you do not collect it) costs though.

So not only do you not have a claim but she legitimately does.

But OP asked several times to collect it and the cousin didn't let her because she was busy?!

It's not like OP never tried to get it back.