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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Neighbour wants to "share" my driveway. I... don't

347 replies

TheUnexpectedPickle · 25/11/2021 08:04

Parking one, buckle up.
I live in a 3 storey Victorian townhouse, my flat is at the bottom, and above me is a 2 story house owned by Snooty Neighbour. I rent, if that's relevant.

The driveway belongs to my flat and the steps up to SNs front door are about halfway up my drive.

Its a double drive and Paul-Next-Door, who owns all 3 storeys of his house, has the other half of the drive.

I bumped in to SN last week and she commented that she is struggling to find parking on the street now that I've moved in. The flat was empty for a while and she was parking on the drive. She then said she's noticed that I'm out for long stretches of time so possibly she could use my drive when I'm out. I pointed out that she wouldn't know when I'm going to be back, so she wouldn't know when to move her car. She then suggested that in that case I park on the street!

So it appears she is imaging some sort of first come first serve arrangement. It took me off guard a bit so I said I'd think about it. Obviously, I thought "no fucking chance"

Last night she caught me coming home and asked if I'd had the chance to think about it. I politely declined and explained that I don't really want to be searching for parking after a 12 hour shift so it doesn't work for me. She then suggested I message her my rota so she knows when she can use the drive, to make it "fair" and then let her know when I'm going to other places and when I'll be back.

Wtf!? I don't want to have to tell a random woman when I'm going to be home! I'm 35 years old, I don't even tell my mother that!

I probably didn't help the situation as I laughed when I said no to that. She then got huffy and started going on about me letting other cars park on the drive. Other cars being my DP, who I then park in front of and block in and Paul Next Door when he had a skip on his drive and asked me very nicely if he could park there for about 2 hours while he had a tyre changed. Neither of these things caused me any inconvenience.

The conversation ended up with her slinking off muttering about me being "unfair"

Bonkers.

I know I'm not being unreasonable really but her whole expectation that this was a great idea has me questioning myself just a tiny bit.

AIBU?

OP posts:
Djifunrsn · 25/11/2021 10:03

She must be 3yo if she thinks life is “fair”

phishy · 25/11/2021 10:09

@PugWhiskers

Don't even entertain it.

We have a dropped kerb in front of our house - was here when we moved in and was an attractive reason to buy this house rather than a basically identical one a couple of streets away with no dropped kerb. Parking is a nightmare on our road, but taking into account all of the local roads and the main road a tthe top, there is always somewhere you can park, just not always nice and convenient.

Anyway, next door neighbour - as we found out after we moved in, completely paved their front garden hoping to get permission for a dropped kerb, but were refused, so they have to rely on street parking. He drives a lot as part of his job and would often get home at 10.30pm or so, knock on our door and ask if he could park across our dropped kerb (effectively blocking us in) on the assurance he would be gone by 7am. I said yes to this a couple of times as they are otherwise good neighbours. In the end, one night when he knocked at 11pm - I said - and I regret it bitterly - if you're getting home this late and there is literally nowhere local AND you are gone by 7, don't worry about knocking.

Well, since that day, he has utterly taken the piss tbh and taken that kindness and limited permission and run a marathon with it - he parks his car blocking us in whenever he feels like it. Doesn't keep an eye out and move it when he can. I often have to go and knock (and knock, and knock) next door to get him to move his car when I need to go out.

So, I know you didn't ask for my tale of self-induced woe, but please learn from it.

I would block my own drive until he gets the message!
IamGusFring · 25/11/2021 10:26

She must know what land she bought and if it had a parking space . Idiot !

merrymouse · 25/11/2021 10:28

She is completely bonkers. You are paying for the use of the drive way. It is none of her business if you use it for cars or a display of garden gnomes.

Lasair · 25/11/2021 10:31

Oh gosh I remember your other thread! She has very strange ideas!Yanbu

Silvershroud · 25/11/2021 10:31

Don't get involved in any way (as AliasGrape suggests). Give an inch and she take 10 miles. People have recently been killed over parking. It's your space, end of.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 25/11/2021 10:34

Oh my gosh I remember the cleaning the car thread!

I agree, she’s a cheeky mare. Keep laughing,‘it’s your drive

Skinnytailedsquirrel · 25/11/2021 10:39

Your neighbour sounds like hard work. Don't let her EVER park on your driveway.

WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 25/11/2021 10:41

Oh and op. Good for you. I agreed years ago to let a neighbour use my drive as I didn't have a car. On the proviso that we have it back when friends or family come to stay. This then resulted in the neighbours glaring at said friends and family and then refusing to move their car when we hired one to go on holiday and needed it close to the house to pack. Dp at the time had a leg injury and ds was a baby. She will just expect it to be hers if you agree. Good for you for making it a clear no

Yes, people very easily 'forget' that an agreement was temporary when it suits them. If anything, they will use it against you and make out that the longer you were kind to them, the more rights they have thus built up. "Well, you never had a problem before" etc.

What's the betting that she'll play the owner vs renter card, and then hint that, as she occupies two thirds of the building, it really should be more hers anyway (conveniently ignoring actual ownership of the drive).

The purpose of a drive isn't (just) a place to store your car - it's the freedom of a guaranteed parking space whenever you need/want it without having to pay it any mind or make plans/draw up schedules/notify somebody in advance. Yes, you might do this within a family/household, but not involving anybody else. The same as your house, bed, oven, shower, clothes, TV: you might leave it unused for hours each day, but it's always there and ready for your use the moment you want it.

You just know that, if you kindly let her park there from (say) 8am to 7:45pm, come 7:45 when you return, she'd still be parked there and tell you she's tired, has had a drink, has popped out, says "ooh, look, there's a space on the street - why don't you just pop yours there overnight and save us both the hassle of moving".

Very glad you aren't capitulating, OP - she's a massive CF. Is she actually offering any financial contribution? As you rent, you're paying a significant extra amount every single month for that drive over a similar property without one.

How would she feel if, every time she bought her weekly/monthly big food shop, you started sniffing around to see which third of it you could help yourself to, without giving her a penny? Maybe demand an exact copy of her meal planner a month in advance, so that you can see if there's anything unallocated in her shopping that you can just help yourself to?

SchadenfreudePersonified · 25/11/2021 10:45

@Chunkymenrock

She chose to buy a property without parking. You chose to rent that property because it had parking always available. The end.
This.

If she says "it's not fair" you could point out that it "isn't fair" that she has two floors of the house and you only have one, but you suck up the unfairness because you are aware that she has paid for those two floors - just as you are paying for the exclusive use of your driveway.

SchadenfreudePersonified · 25/11/2021 10:48

@Xenia

You did the right thing in saying no. Also your landlord is unlikely to allow it so it could be breach of the tenancy and you could be slung out of the flat! The landlord probably has a mortgage and/or a long lease and both of those probably do not allow the landlord to do anything that might affect rights relating to the land or diminish its value - the neighbour might obtain some kind of right of adverse possession or licence through long use of parking there.

If I were you I would email the landlord so you have it on record you refused.

Good point!
DeepaBeesKit · 25/11/2021 10:50

Yanbu! If she wants a drive she needs to go get a property of her own with one

LindaEllen · 25/11/2021 10:51

@SmallPrawnEnergy wtf? The lad can still park there if he wants to, she's not stopping him. But if he blocks her in, she of course has to ask him to move when she needs to get out. It's then his choice whether he wants that inconvenience or whether he would rather park on the road. Clearly he's chosen the latter. Presumably there are also times when the PP would have had to move for him, if he parked first and she parked behind him. Your comment is unnecessary, untrue, and rude.

RubyTuesday70 · 25/11/2021 10:53

I'd clarify it with the landlord, and explain why you want to know.

Then you can go back to her and shut the conversation done for once and for all.

CF'ers are everywhere.

tara66 · 25/11/2021 10:56

UANBU - but beware following what happened in Somerset recently over parking - just saying!

WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 25/11/2021 10:58

I don't know, I'm all for being reasonable with neighbours and would allow her to park on the drive when i wasn't there, if allowing dp to use it and ndn to change his tyre there..

You sound like the neighbour there - who talks about 'allowing' their partner to park on their drive? Also, NDN asked for a one-off, short, time-specified favour - not a perpetual right to come and go as he pleased, possibly with a view to considering it his in the future.

If she says "it's not fair" you could point out that it "isn't fair" that she has two floors of the house and you only have one, but you suck up the unfairness because you are aware that she has paid for those two floors - just as you are paying for the exclusive use of your driveway.

That's an extremely good point, actually. She could have had three floors and the drive had she got in there first and agreed to rent the flat underneath her own property. That's what Paul has - a very nice big property all to himself - but then he has obviously paid the extra amount to secure himself that whole side of the building, as he understands (as do most adults) that, if you want the free use of something, you have to pay to buy or rent it.

whitehorsesdonotlie · 25/11/2021 10:59

No, she's a cheeky fucker.

Suggest she buys a house with its own driveway next time??

Redlocks28 · 25/11/2021 11:02

I’d like a second home, perky boobs and a new car, but sadly, life isn’t fair and you have to have the money to pay for stuff you want, otherwise you can’t use it.

Tabbacus · 25/11/2021 11:03

@MintyGreenDream

We have a legally owned shared drive and the poor young lad next door has parked on the street ever since i passed my test 6 months ago Blush we were both sick of the messaging of can I get my car out pls ? And I think he's admitted defeat tbh. To have that nightmare when the drive isn't anything to do with SN is batshit,can't fault you.
Wow and you haven't thought to try and figure out a fair way of sorting it?
SueSaid · 25/11/2021 11:04

God, who cba with parking rows with neighbours. Life is too short, seriously.

If you or visitors are using it fine, if not and at work for 12 hrs what difference does it make to let her use is occasionally.

I'd much rather get on with people.

Fomofo · 25/11/2021 11:05

Yanbu, but could you just become friends and then maybe sometimes she could use it and the situation wouldn't be so toxic, its sad that parking causes so much orobkems

Puzzledandpissedoff · 25/11/2021 11:10

If I were you I would email the landlord so you have it on record you refused

Definitely

I loved the bit about her walking off muttering "unfair" though ... sounds like a toddler, so treat her like one and just keep saying a calm "no"

IntermittentParps · 25/11/2021 11:10

@JaniieJones

God, who cba with parking rows with neighbours. Life is too short, seriously.

If you or visitors are using it fine, if not and at work for 12 hrs what difference does it make to let her use is occasionally.

I'd much rather get on with people.

IT IS THE OP'S PRIVATE DRIVE. Hmm
SueSaid · 25/11/2021 11:10

@Fomofo

Yanbu, but could you just become friends and then maybe sometimes she could use it and the situation wouldn't be so toxic, its sad that parking causes so much orobkems
Exactly.
IntermittentParps · 25/11/2021 11:10

@Fomofo

Yanbu, but could you just become friends and then maybe sometimes she could use it and the situation wouldn't be so toxic, its sad that parking causes so much orobkems
It's sad that people don't understand what someone having paid for their drive means. And that people think it's OK to ask a neighbour for their work rota/timetable of comings and goings.