Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Neighbour wants to "share" my driveway. I... don't

347 replies

TheUnexpectedPickle · 25/11/2021 08:04

Parking one, buckle up.
I live in a 3 storey Victorian townhouse, my flat is at the bottom, and above me is a 2 story house owned by Snooty Neighbour. I rent, if that's relevant.

The driveway belongs to my flat and the steps up to SNs front door are about halfway up my drive.

Its a double drive and Paul-Next-Door, who owns all 3 storeys of his house, has the other half of the drive.

I bumped in to SN last week and she commented that she is struggling to find parking on the street now that I've moved in. The flat was empty for a while and she was parking on the drive. She then said she's noticed that I'm out for long stretches of time so possibly she could use my drive when I'm out. I pointed out that she wouldn't know when I'm going to be back, so she wouldn't know when to move her car. She then suggested that in that case I park on the street!

So it appears she is imaging some sort of first come first serve arrangement. It took me off guard a bit so I said I'd think about it. Obviously, I thought "no fucking chance"

Last night she caught me coming home and asked if I'd had the chance to think about it. I politely declined and explained that I don't really want to be searching for parking after a 12 hour shift so it doesn't work for me. She then suggested I message her my rota so she knows when she can use the drive, to make it "fair" and then let her know when I'm going to other places and when I'll be back.

Wtf!? I don't want to have to tell a random woman when I'm going to be home! I'm 35 years old, I don't even tell my mother that!

I probably didn't help the situation as I laughed when I said no to that. She then got huffy and started going on about me letting other cars park on the drive. Other cars being my DP, who I then park in front of and block in and Paul Next Door when he had a skip on his drive and asked me very nicely if he could park there for about 2 hours while he had a tyre changed. Neither of these things caused me any inconvenience.

The conversation ended up with her slinking off muttering about me being "unfair"

Bonkers.

I know I'm not being unreasonable really but her whole expectation that this was a great idea has me questioning myself just a tiny bit.

AIBU?

OP posts:
SueSaid · 25/11/2021 11:11

'IT IS THE OP'S PRIVATE DRIVE'

Oh unclench fgs.

Fomofo · 25/11/2021 11:11

Alright shouty! A private drive can still be shared sometimes

Tulipomania · 25/11/2021 11:12

Obviously you do not have to let her park on your driveway OP.

But have you thought of a commercial arrangement - renting your space to her when it's convenient for you? That way you'd get some benefit from the arrangement.

There are some apps now which can help you do this on a bigger scale too.

TurquoiseDress · 25/11/2021 11:14

YANBU!

That just sounds utterly bonkers, wanting to know your rota to check when you will be out WTF

SueSaid · 25/11/2021 11:15

'It's sad that people don't understand what someone having paid for their drive means.'

There's nothing 'sad' about it. Being reasonable and getting on with neighbours even if it is A PRIVATE DRIVE is preferable to toxic festering atmospheres imo.

Not saying the neighbour should get free rein obvs, a bit of give and take shouldn't cause so much cat's bum faced outrage on mn that is all.

IntermittentParps · 25/11/2021 11:16

@JaniieJones

'IT IS THE OP'S PRIVATE DRIVE'

Oh unclench fgs.

I'm not clenched, I'm drinking tea and eating ginger biscuits Grin but thanks for the concern.
TurquoiseDress · 25/11/2021 11:16

Also, I really think that 'sharing' this driveway space is going to cause massive amounts of headaches & complications

Do you know if she has approached your neighbour Paul- sorry if this has been covered already

IntermittentParps · 25/11/2021 11:18

@Fomofo

Alright shouty! A private drive can still be shared sometimes
Do you think it's OK for the neighbour to suggest the OP park on the street sometimes when SHE is using the drive? Or to ask for her rota and let her know her general comings and goings? Do you think a person who does this would be reasonable about any arrangement made? or would the OP turn up home expecting to be able to park and find the neighbour still parked there, with some threadbare excuse as to why she was there and why she couldn't move? Or are you the kind of person who'd behave like this?
WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 25/11/2021 11:20

God, who cba with parking rows with neighbours. Life is too short, seriously.

If you or visitors are using it fine, if not and at work for 12 hrs what difference does it make to let her use is occasionally.

I'd much rather get on with people.

Does the same go for the neighbour, who has a house that's twice as big as OP's? If she's out, OP can let herself in and help herself to using it?

Getting on with people involves give and take and mutual respect - not just letting them have your things when they ask, in the hope that they'll like you more, whilst not offering you anything of theirs to share, and be impressed that you can #bekind.

As we've already said, the value in having a private drive isn't just when you are using it - it's that you can use it at any time that's convenient to you, without having to plan ahead or agree/negotiate it with anybody else (other than possibly people in your own household).

IntermittentParps · 25/11/2021 11:20

@JaniieJones

'It's sad that people don't understand what someone having paid for their drive means.'

There's nothing 'sad' about it. Being reasonable and getting on with neighbours even if it is A PRIVATE DRIVE is preferable to toxic festering atmospheres imo.

Not saying the neighbour should get free rein obvs, a bit of give and take shouldn't cause so much cat's bum faced outrage on mn that is all.

How about the neighbour 'getting on with' the OP? How do you think suggesting it's OK for the OP to park on the street for her own convenience is reasonable? How is it reasonable to ask for her rota and about her comings and goings?

As I've just said to someone else, are you the kind of person who'd behave like this?

DoubleTweenQueen · 25/11/2021 11:21

You are most definitely not being the slightest bit unreasonable Flowers

ElftonWednesday · 25/11/2021 11:22

If they wanted to share your driveway and you were happy to to it, it would have to be done through your landlord/respective landlords anyway, and you'd expect some financial recompense for your inconvenience.

But you don't want to share at all, which is a perfectly good response, and she will just have to live with that or rent/move somewhere else and pay for a parking space as you have.

ShagMeRiggins · 25/11/2021 11:23

@JaniieJones

'No, she owns; the OP's first post says so, or did you miss that?'

Yes I obviously did miss it I do apologise.

I don't know, I'm all for being reasonable with neighbours and would allow her to park on the drive when i wasn't there, if allowing dp to use it and ndn to change his tyre there..

Why would you allow that? The pure hassle of communicating schedules, etc—just one more thing to add to OP’s mental load.

Why should she have to contact her neighbours to inform them she will be arriving with her car at X time and give them notice they should move theirs?

Neighbourly is mutual. This isn’t.

It’s not reasonable at all.

BestZebbie · 25/11/2021 11:23

Technically the drive doesn't belong to the OP anyway - it belongs to her landlord.
Her landlord is the one who would need to give permission, as if the cheeky neighbour ends up using it all the time they could start to claim that they have an actual right to use it, and devalue the landlord's property/ability to rent the flat with a private/unshared drive in future.

So no, the OP can't possibly "give permission" anyway, her hands are tied.

Puzzledandpissedoff · 25/11/2021 11:24

Could you just become friends and then maybe sometimes she could use it and the situation wouldn't be so toxic

Sounds fair enough doesn't it? But the trouble with entitled folk like this is that it doesn't stop there; she's already suggested OP should park elsewhere, and before you know it that's exactly what she'd have to do ... all the time unless the CF was out

fumfspos · 25/11/2021 11:24

No. And just keep saying no.
It will end up being an absolute nightmare. She won't stick to the agreed times and you'll end up coming home late to find her parked and then you have the hassle of getting her to move.
Or you come home unexpectedly early and have to find a place on the street to park because it's "her time".

She should have found somewhere to live with parking if this was an issue for her. And if she was unable to find somewhere within her budget with parking then unfortunately she has to suck that up and park on the street with all the inconveniences that involves.

FortunesFave · 25/11/2021 11:28

@BestZebbie

Technically the drive doesn't belong to the OP anyway - it belongs to her landlord. Her landlord is the one who would need to give permission, as if the cheeky neighbour ends up using it all the time they could start to claim that they have an actual right to use it, and devalue the landlord's property/ability to rent the flat with a private/unshared drive in future.

So no, the OP can't possibly "give permission" anyway, her hands are tied.

What rubbish. OP rents the flat AND the drive. Do you imagine the landlord could suddenly allow a neighbour to just use the drive? That would be like them saying the neighbour could share the garden!
TheTurn0fTheScrew · 25/11/2021 11:29

nah, don't do it. IME people who have the brass neck to make cheeky requests often have no qualms about turning what you thought would be an occasional favour into a cast-iron regular occurrence, and act like you're being an arsehole if you try to re-assert a boundary.

I had someone make an "occasional" childcare request to me, which then morphed into me looking after her kids every Monday, despite the afterschool club that I used for my own DC every other day having spaces. Apparently I was being unreasonable when I said I expected her to make proper arrangements and use paid childcare, as everything was working just fine FOR HER.

HoardingSamphireSaurus · 25/11/2021 11:29

@JaniieJones

God, who cba with parking rows with neighbours. Life is too short, seriously.

If you or visitors are using it fine, if not and at work for 12 hrs what difference does it make to let her use is occasionally.

I'd much rather get on with people.

I love these comments.

I am sure I'm not the only one who guesses if the poster is one of those who would ask or one who not presume Smile

SueSaid · 25/11/2021 11:29

'How do you think suggesting it's OK for the OP to park on the street for her own convenience is reasonable? How is it reasonable to ask for her rota and about her comings and goings?'

🥱

Honestly how do people live with all this fummmmin and indignation. Calm down, get on with neighbours. If you're reasonable with them they're usually reasonable back. Bickering over parking spaces is just ridiculous.

We take the lady down the street's bin out for her after she asked, the cf.

whatisthisinhere · 25/11/2021 11:32

I've had this. I've lived here for 10 years now. When I first moved in, all the neighbours wanted to park on my drive, or in front of it. I stood my ground, so glad I did.
Don't back down OP, she'll just get worse.

HoardingSamphireSaurus · 25/11/2021 11:32

Bickering over parking spaces is just ridiculous. I see my guess was right!

It's not a parking space, it's her drive.

And the neighbour is the one causing the issue with her totally weird and unreasonable requests.

mumhana · 25/11/2021 11:33

What a cheeky cow
No way!

3scape · 25/11/2021 11:34

That being reasonable you suggest is a two way street. It is entirely unreasonable to expect a neighbour (who you know works long and sometimes anti social shifts) to share their rota with you. Major security risk. Can you imagine the implications for insurance if you said yes, you literally share information about how long the property is empty for and when with anyone who asks? I think the landlord would also be uncomfortable with that.

3scape · 25/11/2021 11:35

*that was aimed at those would advocate for the CF neighbour and imply the op needs to be more accommodating