Washing up gate, who was unreasonable?

[Homerenonovice]

I won’t give the full back story as I want opinions based on the facts rather than from the angels we were each coming from.

I had just done all the washing up/ loaded the dishwasher. Walked up stairs and DH was rushing out the room to go to a work meeting and had another few bits of washing up.

I said oh I’ve just done the washing up and have people coming over, can you just leave it in the bedroom for now so it’s out of sight.

DH said no, my hands are full I’m putting the washing up in the sink where washing up goes.

I took the washing up back out the sink back upstairs and put it on his bedside table.

Was I being unreasonable?

I get being annoyed at more dirty dishes turning up. And I get telling him to do them himself. What I don’t get is taking rhem and running upstairs to hide them in your bedroom so your friend can’t see them.

If I saw my husband taking dishes out the sink running upstairs with them to hide them in our bedroom I’d be actually concerned about his mental health.

I swear some people act like they never clean when they have guests coming

Going in the 'outming each other' threads you often see on here. They probably don't

If I saw my husband taking dishes out the sink running upstairs with them to hide them in our bedroom I’d be actually concerned about his mental health

Do you take your partner for granted that much like?

There was something written (on here?) about the empty cup that drove a woman to divorce her husband. On its own it's petty...

Wow you were totally unreasonable.

A few bits in the sink, unless you are showing house for selling is completely fine.

@Bluntness100 genuine question have you accidentally misread what’s been said or have you deliberately decided to make out something happened which didn’t?

I didn’t take dishes out the sink and take them upstairs to hide them from a friend did I, I asked my DH to leave them where they had been all morning so they were out of site. I took them out the sink because I was annoyed at my DH not listening to me and leaving them there expecting me to do it.

@Beachbreak2411

And my bf thinks I’m hard work.. going to show him this later 😂 you are massively unreasonable!! It was a few things! You will be washing up later anyway if you are cooking so just save it till then!

I think your husband is on here, Op!

OP has he seen the dishes by his side yet? What will happen if he does? Will he take them out and wash them or will he kick off?

@JamAutistically he threw the shake bottle across the bedroom whilst our one year old child was in the room. I ran upstairs thinking something else had happened and he aggressively shouted at me so much that it made our child cry! I then got the silent treatment for the evening.

This is why I didn’t give the full back story originally, I wanted to reflect on my own actions in the situation itself and not have everyone focus on his reaction.

[quote Homerenonovice]@JamAutistically he threw the shake bottle across the bedroom whilst our one year old child was in the room. I ran upstairs thinking something else had happened and he aggressively shouted at me so much that it made our child cry! I then got the silent treatment for the evening.

This is why I didn’t give the full back story originally, I wanted to reflect on my own actions in the situation itself and not have everyone focus on his reaction.[/quote]
I can kind of see why he is pissed off though, you deliberately did something petty to which most people would react to let's be honest. Unless he has form for regularly being overly aggressive then you are still BU.

OP you should have referred to the room as your DH office. The fact it also functions as a bedroom is irrelevant.

Perhaps reframing it: AIBU to ask my DH to leave his dirty pots in his office as he’d missed the washing up/dishwasher by hoarding them and not bringing them through at the time. I asked him to humour me and wait until I was ready for them, but instead he said: no, my feelings matter more than yours and so I will ignore you, and do what the fuck I want.

Sounds like it’s time to get your ducks in a row OP.

"I can kind of see why he is pissed off though, you deliberately did something petty to which most people would react to let's be honest. Unless he has form for regularly being overly aggressive then you are still BU."

But if he's not the one doing the washing up, why can't Op just do it how/when it suits her?

If he cba to take the stuff back he could have at least handed it to Op rather than do the one thing that she had asked him not to.

DH said no, my hands are full I’m putting the washing up in the sink where washing up goes.

I took the washing up back out the sink back upstairs and put it on his bedside table.

I’m confused. I thought you latterly said you didn’t take the dishes out? Either way, he should have washed up his own dishes. He’s a lazy fucker if he put them in the sink for you to do them.

Washing up takes mere moments. I’m not sure I understand putting them on his beside table.

I’m also glad others see it from DH’s view as it means we’re normal for seeing the situation differently.

But this isn’t normal. Throwing the bottle across the room where your 1yo is and shouting at you aggressively is abusive behaviour.

It sounds like you’re almost making excuses for him?

He does sound like a bit of a cunt, with the latest update.

[quote Homerenonovice]@JamAutistically he threw the shake bottle across the bedroom whilst our one year old child was in the room. I ran upstairs thinking something else had happened and he aggressively shouted at me so much that it made our child cry! I then got the silent treatment for the evening.

This is why I didn’t give the full back story originally, I wanted to reflect on my own actions in the situation itself and not have everyone focus on his reaction.[/quote]
Have you left him now?

I don't understand all the stuff about you doing the washing up. You have a dishwasher? I thought you had a dishwasher so you didn't have to do the dishes.

I don't have a dishwasher so I might have missed something about dishwashers.

Back to your issue, it was a bit unreasonable of him not to put the things back when he was still in the room, you were incredibly petty to take them back upstairs.

@ancientgran

I don't understand all the stuff about you doing the washing up. You have a dishwasher? I thought you had a dishwasher so you didn't have to do the dishes.

I don't have a dishwasher so I might have missed something about dishwashers.

Back to your issue, it was a bit unreasonable of him not to put the things back when he was still in the room, you were incredibly petty to take them back upstairs.

Some things can't go in the dishwasher and need hand washing.

A bowl with dried oats would need soaking and rinsing.

I'm confused about the gates and the angels. 👼🏼

Or he could have just really quickly washed the things up?

A bowl with dried oats would need soaking and rinsing. Isn't that more of a reason to put them in the sink, run some water and let them soak?

I thought I'd quite like a dishwasher but they don't sound worth the bother.

@Jibberjabberhutt I said I took them out of the sink and upstairs because ultimately I was annoyed he didn’t listen and just left them there for me to do.

I didn’t just take dishes upstairs to hide them from a friend coming round. There is a huge difference and that would be really weird.

Not making excuses for him at all, no he isn’t normally angry, aggressive and violent. But he is an inconsiderate twat at times who won’t apologise and is always right. No I haven’t left him. I haven’t spoken to him today and won’t be seeing him tonight due to prearranged plans.

Your DH should have hand washed the items, dried them and put them away.

@ancientgran yeah but OP and her friend were going to use the kitchen - presumably doing some cooking of some description - so OP didn't want dirty dishes lying around.

Dishwashers are really good if you have a big family or are really lazy and have enough Crockery and cutlery to last a few days

YANBU OP. He sounds like a cunt.
Shouting in front of a child!
Also as much as putting it up is ‘petty’ exploding is far worse. Why shout?
What did he say?
His behaviour needs to be addressed before it escalates

Do you know what is really ironic, I’ve just got home from work with the children and there is a glass, a travel coffee cup and a normal coffee cup in the sink. It’s all DH’s from this morning/ his work bag.

I have guests coming round again tonight and I know it’ll be there until I tidy it but I’m not half as bothered because I hadn’t literally just tidied it up and I’m not cooking dinner with guests and he didn’t ignore my explicit wishes for it to not be there.