Washing up gate, who was unreasonable?

[Homerenonovice]

I won’t give the full back story as I want opinions based on the facts rather than from the angels we were each coming from.

I had just done all the washing up/ loaded the dishwasher. Walked up stairs and DH was rushing out the room to go to a work meeting and had another few bits of washing up.

I said oh I’ve just done the washing up and have people coming over, can you just leave it in the bedroom for now so it’s out of sight.

DH said no, my hands are full I’m putting the washing up in the sink where washing up goes.

I took the washing up back out the sink back upstairs and put it on his bedside table.

Was I being unreasonable?

YABU, as well as petty and passive aggressive.

In the time it took you to return it all you could have washed up. Or go’s forbid washed up with your friend in the room. The horror.

YABU. Minging to leave dirty stuff in the bedroom (even if there is a desk there), absolutely fine for dirty stuff to be in the kitchen sink, or stacked neatly by the kitchen sink.

I also think its fine for the person who works less hours in paid work to do more hours of unpaid work, so that the total hours worked per person (paid and unpaid) end up equal.

Are you always so ridiculous?

I have to say I am with you in that I prefer everything to look tidy when I have people over.

But, in this case, really it was no big deal on either part. I wouldn't make this into a huge - he could have helped me but didn't - its not worth the emotional energy and a few bits in the sink is no biggie either.

How bizarre. Leave it in the sink. Then when prepping for dinner, you wash up first which would take no time at all.

People coming over...

Who the hell were these people?
Why would they give even the tiniest fuck that there's a cup and bowl in the sink?
And if they did give a tiny fuck, why the hell would you care about the opinions of people.so judgemental to notice a cup and bowl in the sink?

That's just bizarre.

I sort of get it.

I do think you're a bit OTT in not having dirty dishes in your sink while your friend was there. My friends see my flat in all sorts of states perfectly lovely through to minging

HOWEVER, I do think that partners should SOMETIMES just do little things (even if weird) if it makes no difference to them, but would help their partner feel happier.

I would have internally thought DH was being weird but I would have just shrugged and said yeah sure and left him to it

YANBU, you need to stop doing his dishes. Working part time doesn’t mean you are his skivvy.

Is he usually a dickhead?

@sparklefarts

I sort of get it.

I do think you're a bit OTT in not having dirty dishes in your sink while your friend was there. My friends see my flat in all sorts of states perfectly lovely through to minging

HOWEVER, I do think that partners should SOMETIMES just do little things (even if weird) if it makes no difference to them, but would help their partner feel happier.

I would have internally thought DH was being weird but I would have just shrugged and said yeah sure and left him to it

I say this tho as someone who Beverly rarely does the dishes. I have eczema and no dishwasher, so DH won't let me do the dishes.
So maybe I'm more from the angle of well their 'hiss' chore so whatever he wants

Stick it in the sink. Run soapy water on to it. Then when you have time you can take literally one minute to wash it up. Really no big deal! If you wanted a hill to die on it would have been to make DH do it not to take it back in the bedroom!

@Iggly

How bizarre. Leave it in the sink. Then when prepping for dinner, you wash up first which would take no time at all.

Op had just washed up in order to start cooking.

He should have brought the stuff down earlier.

I didn’t have time to do the washing up again before they arrived and my friend wouldn’t judge the washing up but I was going to be cooking us all dinner and just wanted a tidy kitchen

Yet you had time to go downstairs, remove them from the sink, take them back upstairs and dump in the bedroom?

This is one of the most bizarre things Ive read on here.

**We were going to be using the kitchen to cook so she would have seen Tupperware pots hidden in places.

Just out of curiosity what where your plans for the dirty pots and pans from cooking then if putting dirty washing in the sink wasnt an option due to guests?

Yabu. Grow up! Who puts dirty dishes in a bedroom. So what if you a free dishes in the sink. You behaviour is vvvv strange

Dude, life is too short for this shit. Honestly.

Not a popular opinion but so you don’t feel on your own OP - this would really annoy me to. I’m tidy and would always want a clean kitchen with guests - Tupperware is a pain to clean especially with dried on oats and it would get in the way in the sink when cooking. The alternative was leave them where no one would see them and do them afterwards (probably at the same time as the washing up after cooking)

For those saying your friends wouldn’t judge you - of course they wouldn’t - but it would irritate me if it was my own kitchen, so I can understand OPs frustration that her DH couldn’t just leave them where they had been - especially when it wouldn’t be him washing them up later.

Erm I would have been a bit pissed off if I had just tidied and then my DP dumped some dishes in the sink for me to wash. Not because my kitchen would not have been tidy but just because it's thoughtless.

I would have said wash them or at least fill the sink and soak them. Then I would have washed them while I was cooking when my friend was there or left them for him coming home which is probably just as petty as putting them back on his desk.

How very strange. Yes you were being unreasonable and petty! Blimey. I'm disabled and I'd be able many swill them in the sink. What a problem to have

Dh should have brought them down and washed them up. You are not a skivvy.

I agree with you OP. If company is coming over, dishes must be washed. If company was coming and he had dishes it was his responsibility to wash them or find a place to hide them if he truly didn’t have time.

I wouldn't have put stuff back in bedroom, I would have shoved it in the dishwasher, you can open them once a wash has started.

However your DH has a nice little setup there, showing you little respect. Expects you to do the washing up (I'm guessing expects you to do ALL household tasks?) as you work part-time. So he makes as much mess as he likes and you have to clear it up. You are letting him treat you like a housemaid.

HOWEVER, I do think that partners should SOMETIMES just do little things (even if weird) if it makes no difference to them, but would help their partner feel happier.
Yes, this. But everyone is going to get hung up on “dirty plates in the bedroom” and “it’s OK for visitors to see dirty plates” instead of “you asked DH to do something your way that doesn’t really affect him, and he didn’t”.

Putting the dishes in the bedroom is bonkers. Wash them, it wouldn't take you that long or leave them in the sink, hiding them in the bedroom is ridiculous.

I suspect if you'd said desk instead of bedroom in the OP you might have got different responses.

Definitely do something about the housework responsibilities though... he's a lazy slob if he thinks ft work absolves him if clearing up after himself!

Reading this thread I can’t help thinking of the (probably) millions of times DMs and DWs have told other family members NOT to leave dishes in bedrooms and put them in the kitchen!