School detentions

[FU81]

I have a real dilemma with my daughters secondary school. She doesn’t often get detentions (in 3 years just 2) but she got kept behind after a lesson last week for 20 minutes and she was late for the lesson. my daily school run is to collect youngest from primary then collect her & her sister from secondary, drop them to my MIL about 12 miles away then onto work. My husband then collects them from his mums when he finishes work. We’ve had the same routine for last couple of years & it works well providing all the kids are on time.
The day my daughter was kept behind messed up the routine & I was ultimately late for my shift by over an hour. I complained to the school who basically said that they can pretty much detain the kids without notice & it’s too bad for the parent if they’re late for work (not their problem effectively). I explained that unfortunately life doesn’t work as simply as that & if it affects my childcare arrangements and work schedule then detentions need to happen during lunch breaks which I have no problem with. The teacher is question was very rude & just sent me cut/paste text from school policy & told me if I don’t like it maybe I should find another school that has policies that fit in with my work schedule but good luck with that. On Monday she was given a 60 minute after school detention (for tuesday) by the very teacher I’d been having these email exchanges with which seemed such a coincidence the reason being that she was late again to a lesson, she explained that she was kept by her tutor after registration for a few minutes so she was running late for a lesson, so I feel an hour is an excessive detention time for the infraction. I called the school & explained that she couldn’t attend attend after school due to our schedule so could she have it during a lunch hour and that I feel the time excessive. Yesterday I then received an email from said teacher telling me that as it was missed she now has a 90 minute detention after school tomorrow, which I have responded that she cannot attend for reasons that I have previously explained, I also explained that I work at a hospital about 40 minute drive away & I’m on a strict schedule & I cannot just turn up late for my shifts otherwise I could face a disciplinary. AIBU to fight against this, I feel the school is being unreasonable as I’m not refusing she have a detention just not after school plus I do feel the teacher has deliberately given her the detention because he doesn’t like my opinion on it.

@Arabelladrinkstea

Wow what a total bitch this teacher is! Why should your daughter receive a detention if she’s been kept behind by another teacher? Yes I’d totally flight this all the way. School shouldn’t be a prison ffs

Bitch? Really

I’m really shocked if schools think inconveniencing parents is the way to deal with poor behaviour at school. I fail to see how 10 minutes of me being grumpy at home will make my teenagers behave well somewhere else the next day. Hardly a constructive way of approaching the hone-school contract is it?

If she's old enough to get a detention she's old enough to find her own way home from school

In the dark. For an hour on unlit Country lanes with no path?
Really?

It's bonkers to even give her a detention for being late anyway. What normal teacher wouldn't say "ok, hurry up and sit down" if someone walked into their class and said "sorry I'm late, Miss X kept me back to discuss the hockey tournament."

A 90 minute detention is ridiculous for such a minor infraction she could make up the time she was late in a lunchbreak.

Numerous posters have said why it's unreasonable to expect teachers to take time out of their unpaid lunch break to facilitate a detention for your child. I'm starting to think you're not really interested in the reasons given and just expect them to do that for you just because it's an inconvenience if she gets a detention after school

If a child is late to a lesson then that affects the learning of the whole group. I would expect a tutor not to make a child late for lessons. And if unavoidable to contact the subject teacher to apologise and explain.
I’m going to go out on a limb and guess your child has the same attitude as you. School can’t tell me what to do, lateness doesn’t matter etc. etc.
Ultimately the school can exclude a child for failing to abide by rules.

@girlmom21

Absolutely! That’s how it was when I went to secondary school. All this drama over a few minutes late

We live in a similar type location, there is no way any of my children would be able to walk home alone at 4.30pm. Even wearing a fluorescent top you wouldn’t be very visible and could be easily knocked over on narrow lanes. Taxis here need to be booked at least a fortnight in advance and even then you may not get one between 3.30 and 8 as they are all booked by regulars. Schools need to be sensible about punishments

This happened to me when I was a child, I was a mouse who never spoke, apparently I looked insolent . I didn’t appear home from school, my parents phoned the school but the teacher had not informed anyone I was in detention and in fact had gone home themselves leaving me in a cold classroom. My parents were beside themselves and called the police. Needless to say they were not impressed when I was discovered in a cold classroom.

I always found teachers so ruthless, so many would make a big situation out of nothing!

I used to be on report card for bad behaviour so whenever my class was dismissed I have to stay behind and have the teacher jot down my behaviour in the lesson. I was late for every lesson after as I'd have to stay behind.
Even a few mins late I'd say 'sorry X was doing my report card,' they'd track me late on the register, boom detention. So so stupid😂

A 90 minute detention is ridiculous for such a minor infraction she could make up the time she was late in a lunchbreak

Isnt this just the cumulative time of the previous detentions she has failed to do?

Hmm are you sure your DD was detained by another teacher?

If your DD’s actions has resulted in detention, she has to do it. Your desire to get to work on time doesn’t trump their school policy to maintain good behaviour, unfortunately. Surely if she now needs to do 90mins, your DH could pick her up?

“I can’t do detention because my mother has to work”? Nah.

I think your dd needs to stop getting detention. It's not the schools fault she is getting a detention and you are late. It is hers.

I don’t think detention works as a solution to bad behaviour anyway, the same kids always seem to be in detention on a weekly basis so it can’t be that effective

@cleocleo81

I think your dd needs to stop getting detention. It's not the schools fault she is getting a detention and you are late. It is hers.

The OP has explained that her tutor kept her behind to talk about a school sports activity .

@thelegohooverer

I’m sure I’ll be flamed for saying this but I’m in a mood today! In your shoes I’d be considering seeking legal advice and taking a case against the school … or if that’s too much time and effort, muttering darkly about it.

Schools need to drag their arses into the 21st century.

FFS

But if its true that the tutor kept her back 5 mins, resulting in her being 5 min late, then that is easily resolved by the child communicating with her teachers and tutor.
She is not 5 and the OP shouldn't be dealing with this on her behalf without the child trying first.
I also think 3 detentions across 2 years isn't that great.
Most children won't have any.

Unfortunately schools give out detentions for ridiculous reasons so likely than many pupils have detention at least once

Has anyone else noticed the irony that the op is angry that her daughter being punished for her own lateness is making op late herself? Op you clearly understand the importance of good punctuality, your daughter clearly still needs to learn it. Teach her that poor punctuality shows a lack of concern for others’ time (her teacher’s, her classmates’ and yours!!), support the school and show her that her behaviour has consequences. If it turns out it was the tutor’s fault (I think this is unlikely, as a form tutor I would have been quick to fix a misunderstanding like this) then there shouldn’t be a detention. But the fact the teacher is being firm on this suggests very strongly to me that your daughter was late of her own accord. Time to step up and help the school teach her that this is poor behaviour! You clearly don’t like lateness yourself, why teach your daughter that it’s not important? Really hypocritical in my opinion

Difference is I was very late for a paid job where I’m responsible for other staff and patients, daughter was a few minutes late to a lesson the consequences are completely different

@NeedsCharging

I used to have a very tight pick up schedule like you OP with 2 in Primary and 2 in High School. Detentions would cause me to be late for work so I gave my DC my permission to leave school at the end of the day and not stay for Detentions.

The school cannot force your child to stay back. I did have the obvious irrate teacher call and I explained my situation and stated that DC would lose 30 mins TV time/x box/phone time once we got home but the Detention was not an option.

They were not happy but I am afraid my job was more important than their need to punish my child for a minor indiscretion.

My Mum did this. I didn’t really get many detentions but she told me if I did she didn’t care and to just leave as I wasn’t allowed to stay. The teachers can’t lock her in a class room (although they might threaten it like they did with me)

@FU81 I totally an unequivocally agree with you. I think the teacher dishing out the ever increasing detention has got their back up that you won’t agree with them.

I support that fact that you’re not trying to get your Dd out of the detention, just reschedule it.

Could you suggest she does the detention first thing in the morning? Drop the older ones off first then do the primary run.

If it is true that your child received a detention as a result of being spoken to another teacher and you will find out soon enough then that detention shouldn't stand and you are right to challenge it. Otherwise you should support the school and have words with your own child about unacceptable behaviour. At the moment you just sound entitled and I can understand why the teacher is pushing back. It is petty though not to punish her over lunch as an alternative.

When I was at school we had on the day detentions, no phones then either so my dad waited for me and was late to work. I got bollocked and didn't get a detention again. There was never even a thought to challenge the teacher it was my own behaviour that got admonished. I'd actually got a detention for slapping a girl that had been bullying my sister so my dad wasn't too angry with me but still.

Why should a teacher give up their lunches to do detentions and not get any form of break? Most teachers stay afterschool working so makes more sense to do afterschool detentions. You need to work around this and stop demanding school change their policy for one child.

Thing is with lateness. If your late to work you make up those 5 minutes and get told to not let it happen again you don’t make up 20 minutes for 5 and then 90 minutes because you didn’t do those 20minutes.

That’s why detentions for timekeeping are stupid because they are not reflective of the time lost and they also are not making up that actual time by learning what they missed and five minutes into secondary likely barely finished registration for each lesson anyway.

Of course a lunch time detention can be done because children in internal isolation are still kept in at lunch as well so somebody is watching them and can there for watch the detention children as well.

@FU81

Difference is I was very late for a paid job where I’m responsible for other staff and patients, daughter was a few minutes late to a lesson the consequences are completely different

The consequences your daughter being late are also significant. Disruption to learning of others when she comes in, find book for her and redistribute worksheets/ equipment, she’s missed the introduction to the lesson so teacher has to spend more time with her rather than teaching the rest of the class, teacher also has to reopen the electronic register and modify it. This all takes the teacher away from actually teaching and attending to the needs of the children that have turned up on time.