To re-locate even though my son is upset over it.

[DontWantTheRivalry]

6 months ago I got my perfect job that I had been wanting for over 5 years.

When I applied for the job I knew that at some point we would have to move if I got offered the job.

When I got the job we put the house on the market and were always honest with our son (aged 7) that we were having to move away which meant he would have to go to a new school. He was very brave about it and enjoyed looking at new houses and looking at potential new schools so we thought things would be okay.

We then had a total lull in house viewings so the concept of moving faded from our lives a little but we’ve now had an offer put in on our house that we’re most likely going to accept.

I spoke to my son about it last night and he was distraught and started crying because he’s scared about changing schools and not knowing anyone, and of course being upset about leaving his friends. It broke my heart and I felt so guilty.

We are only moving 25 miles away but it’s not optional as there is no public transport and I don’t drive (medical reasons).

At the moment I’m reliant on family members to take me to work and pick me up and it’s just not feasible. We are paying them petrol money for the journeys but it’s still such an imposition.

But after my son’s reaction last night I’m really feeling like I have to put him first and if that means leaving my perfect job then that’s the sacrifice I need to make.

Has anyone else been in similar circumstances?

Move! Your son is seven. He shouldn’t dictate what you are doing, It’s bound to be a bit strange and daunting, but he’ll soon settle down. Tell him he can help decorate his new room, get a Guinea pig, join the local football team - whatever to encourage him.

We moved when our dc were similar age. They soon settle down and make new friends.

Your current situation isn’t working for you, so do what’s best for your family in the long term.

Yeah you need to move.
Considering giving up your job is bonkers.

Mother of god, no 7 year old would be dictating the welfare and future of my family.
He'll just have to find a way to learn to live with it.
He's 7, he'll survive.

Also - learn to drive, it'll do you good.

He is 7 and is understandably upset and worried about the move. Your job here isnt to say ok lets not move it is to help him through the transition which he will do.

Putting him first is validating his feelings, accepting them and allowing him to have them. But then helping him move through them and supporting him through the move and the new school. By seeing if you can retain friendships (25 miles is nothing) and helping him settle.

You may feel guilty but allowing his negative emotions to rule this decision isnt putting him first - it isnt teaching him anything other than letting fear hold him back and that negative emotions rule decisions.

He will be ok with this if you help him through it

URGENTLY find the new house, new school and show your boy. He needs to see what he’s moving TO, because at the moment all he can see is what he is leaving behind.

We’re making a big move at Christmas and my ten year old is very upset about it. We need to make the move for many reasons, including ultimately being better for all the kids, and all we can do is listen, sympathise, and do what we can to make it as easy for them all as possible. It’s really hard to see a child so distressed but for them it’s a massive thing. As adults we know that many of the things they are worried about won’t be as bad as they think and we just need to be supportive of them as things change.

You need to move, he can visit friends if you’re only going 25 miles it’s not so far you can’t pop back to see people.

Your job is important, move as soon as you can.

He’s seven. He really shouldn’t get to have the final word in large family decisions like your career moves and a house move. He’ll bounce back they always do.

@GiantHaystacks2021 the OP said she can’t drive for medical reasons.

My son was distraught when we moved twenty miles away when he was nine. We are not a religious family and he even resorted to praying to stop the move.

As soon as we knew we were moving (due to the start of a new term), I drove him in to the new school every day for around four weeks, while we still lived at his old home. Within a couple of weeks he wasn't upset at the thought of being dropped off at the new school. Within six weeks he said he didn't want to return to his old school.

Everything has now worked out great and he has left school and gone to uni and misses his (new) home town immensely.

BTW, I also had a six year old and he wasn't bothered in the slightest about the move.

Good luck!

I've moved to five different countries and six schools as a child due to my parents' work and circumstances, had to learn new languages and make new friends. It wasn't ideal, but I always settled and I am still best friends with a girl I went to my "last" school with after our final move. Your son will be fine. He will make new friends

You pay the mortgage, you make the decisions! A 7 year old doesn't understand future implications. He'll adjust.

I remember your previous thread OP.

As PP said, as per the responses here - he's seven, he'll be fine, it's your dream job, move!

Please take this kindly - the degree to which you've analysed and worried about this (from the other thread) suggests something else isn't fully right?

He is scared if change aNd you help him through it
But you dont give up because of a 7 year old fears of a regular day to day occurrence.
You not moving him sonewhere worse or making him move to a shed
New job new opportunities
Promise him a new whatever he likes something for new house

YABU to give up your dream job because your 7 year old is too young to understand the bigger picture.

He is a child. Sometimes they don't get a say.

Congratulations on your job!

If you allow his anxiety to dictate your life, you will set him up for failure as an adult.

Sell him the positives of moving. More friends, better school, nicer bedroom.

You need to support him to deal with his feelings, not try and change things every time he has negative feelings.

We moved house when the dcs were 6 and 4. Of course they were upset but they took their lead from us and we made it positive as well. We all talked about how much we would miss things but in the end it’s turned out well.

A 7 yr old can't call the shots when it comes to stuff like this. He'll adapt, kids do.

I'm sure you'll get a slew of posters saying it traumatised them for life or something but fact is, a kid that age don't get how life works and things have to be paid for.

@GiantHaystacks2021

Mother of god, no 7 year old would be dictating the welfare and future of my family. He'll just have to find a way to learn to live with it. He's 7, he'll survive.

Also - learn to drive, it'll do you good.

at the driving comment.

OP has said they can’t drive for medical reasons!

You need to do what is best for your family. A 7 year old cannot know that. Please don't give him that level of power and responsibility- it's really unfair.

He's frightened off the unknown, that's natural but don't avoid perfect job for that or you'll be teaching him this fear can't be conquered. Instead support him, work with him, help the transition. Maybe talk to his current friends and see if they can up their visits in your new place (it's not that far) so he can see he isn't falling off the place of the planet. My son was moved at that age and he adapted ok and now knows change does not equal bad.

Bless him. But obviously he can't dictate this. And within a fortnight in the new place he'll be completely settled. Use the time honoured parenting method of a present bribe at the new house.

We are going to be moving. The younger two don’t know yet as I think it’s the mulling it over for weeks and months can change it from a fun good thing to something that’s become too big in their heads and becomes scary.

At the end of the day more people end up moving as children than those who don’t. Be it for jobs or landlords wanting their houses back, relationship breakdowns etc. He will be fine.

I voted yanbu based on on the question in your thread title. Maybe that should be yabu based on your last sentence. You need to move, not only is it a dream job but it is not fair to continue imposing on family to get them taking you to work

Definitely move he is 7 and will adjust and make new friends. You may never get another chance at a job like this if it’s your perfect job. Just support him as much as you can.