To re-locate even though my son is upset over it.

[DontWantTheRivalry]

6 months ago I got my perfect job that I had been wanting for over 5 years.

When I applied for the job I knew that at some point we would have to move if I got offered the job.

When I got the job we put the house on the market and were always honest with our son (aged 7) that we were having to move away which meant he would have to go to a new school. He was very brave about it and enjoyed looking at new houses and looking at potential new schools so we thought things would be okay.

We then had a total lull in house viewings so the concept of moving faded from our lives a little but we’ve now had an offer put in on our house that we’re most likely going to accept.

I spoke to my son about it last night and he was distraught and started crying because he’s scared about changing schools and not knowing anyone, and of course being upset about leaving his friends. It broke my heart and I felt so guilty.

We are only moving 25 miles away but it’s not optional as there is no public transport and I don’t drive (medical reasons).

At the moment I’m reliant on family members to take me to work and pick me up and it’s just not feasible. We are paying them petrol money for the journeys but it’s still such an imposition.

But after my son’s reaction last night I’m really feeling like I have to put him first and if that means leaving my perfect job then that’s the sacrifice I need to make.

Has anyone else been in similar circumstances?

Ah poor kid. It's not nice seeing them upset but he will adapt and make new friends. You should definitely move.

Move already! He’s 7 - any change is frightening but he will be fine. My DD, also 7, has just moved schools and she’s coped ok.

I'd move, you need to manage the idea and expectations of it with your son though, as it's huge for him at this age.

We moved our 7, 4 and 2 year old 18,000kms to NZ and the older two veered between excitement and sadness, it's really normal, I promise. Manage things by letting him make smaller decisions connected with the move, so he feels in control of some part of it. When we moved we let the children choose where we ate, did our food shop and walked for a while - as in, ok, which supermarket shall we discover today? Or, where shall we get lunch today? - and made it an adventure of us all discovering things in our new neighbourhood together. They got some semblance of control over their new situation, and it was actually quite good fun.

It's not easy and there were moments of missing their old school and friends, but a hug and a talk about things usually mellowed the anxiety a bit for them. You've got the added bonus that we didn't have, that you can organise visits to his old friends if that's what gives him a bit of comfort after the move.

I've moved lots of times

I always look at the change, as a new adventure
Opportunity to see new place, new people etc
Positive
Not negative

@Magicmixie

I couldn’t do it if it meant my children were upset... but I think I am probably weird in that respect. If I told them and they cried I’d back down and not move 😂

My kids are children though, with the (by their nature) immature understanding of the bigger picture. Our move will benefit them all hugely in the medium-long term but does involve short term disruption to their lives which they can't process as the investment that their dad and I can. Already since we first told them, they have moved from upset to excited about various elements of the new life, although it's been two steps forward and one back at times.

More broadly, a parent who refuses to give their children boundaries and backs down when they're upset is not doing them any favours at all. We all need resilience, compromise and the ability to work through things we don't want to do.

@GiantHaystacks2021

Mother of god, no 7 year old would be dictating the welfare and future of my family. He'll just have to find a way to learn to live with it. He's 7, he'll survive.

Also - learn to drive, it'll do you good.

What part of 'I can't drive - medical reasons' did you not understand?