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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

My aunt doesn't want me to bring my dog to Christmas day

303 replies

onethickpony · 23/11/2021 16:56

My Aunt has told me that she doesn't want me to bring my dog on Christmas day. There are going to be 22 of us so I can understand maybe she is worried about it being overwhelming, but my dog is very clean and well behaved and has been at most large family gatherings without issue.

Should I just respect her wishes or AIBU to push back and least ask why? Sad to think of my dog alone on xmas day (yes i am a crazy pet parent).

OP posts:
idontlikealdi · 23/11/2021 17:39

I adore my dog. I wouldn't take him to a gathering of 22. I'd either not go or go for a lesser amount of time. You can inflict your dog on everyone else.

MoverCat · 23/11/2021 17:39

I just filtered by op posts and it said 14, but I can only see 1 in green.

Does that mean op is sock puppeting?

videobaby123 · 23/11/2021 17:40

Fuck that. 22 people plus a dog?! No one has time for that

Original poster
onethickpony · 23/11/2021 17:40

This is not a reverse! I live on my own and I am just a bit of an over thinker.

I haven't said anything so far in reply to the message so I haven't been rude to my Aunt, this is all in my own head. It was just sense checking if asking why was ok, partly because I was also worried something had happened before on a visit that I didn't know about. But will leave it.

I am also not going to just turn up with the dog that would be ridiculous and I definitely won't leave her at home all day on her own.

OP posts:
TeeBee · 23/11/2021 17:41

Everyone thinks their dog is clean and well behaved. They are usually a pain in the arse in someone else's house. Of course you're being unreasonable. It's a dog. There are 22 people. Nobody will really want extra dogs there, especially the host.

ChargingBuck · 23/11/2021 17:41

Should I just respect her wishes or AIBU to push back and least ask why?

Yes, you should respect your aunt's wishes, in her own home, where she is kindly hosting you.

What would "asking why" achieve?
It doesn't matter "why".
Unless you are hoping to undermine her reasons & trump them so you can disrespect her wishes.

btw - you know your dog doesn't know it's Xmas day, right?

You either find alternative arrangements for Ddog, or you don't go to your aunt's. I can't believe you imagine "pushing back" is in any way ok here.
And I say that as a human who is pretty much permanently welded to a dog.

Angel2702 · 23/11/2021 17:41

No matter how well behaved I would not want a dog in my house. Unless it’s a usual arrangement I wouldn’t dream of taking a dog to a dinner.

peboh · 23/11/2021 17:41

@MoverCat

I just filtered by op posts and it said 14, but I can only see 1 in green.

Does that mean op is sock puppeting?

I thought the same, was unsure if it was just mine being a bit silly.
regthetabbycat · 23/11/2021 17:42

I've been a dog owner all my life but would never have dreamed of taking my dog to someone else's home unless specifically invited.

And 22 people would be overwhelming for most dogs!

Raychelle · 23/11/2021 17:43

Wow, I'm allergic to dogs and would hate to turn up at a family do expecting no dog, to find that guests were allowed to take them! It would ruin my Xmas as i wouldnt have my medication.

YABU!

Branleuse · 23/11/2021 17:43

I dont think its that rude to double check, but it depends on the family dynamics really. Is it a big dog?

Original poster
onethickpony · 23/11/2021 17:43

I also think push back was not the right thing to say as well, it was more if it was ok to ask why.

OP posts:
labazslovesliving · 23/11/2021 17:43

she probably found it hard to ask you as it was but imagine if you took the dog and with all the noise fuss etc of Christmas day say for instance someone stepped on his paw and he snapped how awful would that be? Either way, you have to stay home or go get someone a neighbour or pet-sitting service like we run to let the dog out for you

WonderfulYou · 23/11/2021 17:44

It’s not fair on the dog to go to a strange house with 22 people there on one of the most hectic days of the year.

Leave the poor thing to relax at home and stop putting your emotions and feelings above it and everyone else’s.

MoverCat · 23/11/2021 17:44

@peboh Hmmmm...

TeeBee · 23/11/2021 17:44

The host does not owe you an explanation. She's invited you and not the dog and has been very clear that she doesn't want the dog. I think you should accept that with good grace.

grapewine · 23/11/2021 17:45

Of course you should respect her decision. It's her house. Why would you feel entitled to ask for further explanation? A no is a no.

"Pushing back" sounds like you think she doesn't know her own mind. Rude.

Fros · 23/11/2021 17:45

Was dog originally invited but then uninvited? Or it's an unspoken rule that everyone's dogs are included in family events?
Then no harm in asking.

Did you just assume that you could take dog, and you've had to be told no? Then no need to ask.

However you should not be "pushing back" - not your home, not your decision as to if dog is invited.

You do get to choose if you don't want to leave your dog/how long you're willing to leave your dog. And it should not need to be said, but you don't get to be a pain about the invite not including deardog

peboh · 23/11/2021 17:45

[quote MoverCat]@peboh Hmmmm...[/quote]
It's gone up to 18 now but only 3 replies visible

gamerchick · 23/11/2021 17:45

Maybe just go for a couple of hours if you really want to go but I wouldn't say anything.

MysteriousSoup · 23/11/2021 17:45

’push back’ I’ve heard it all now, give your head a wobble OP Hmm

ChargingBuck · 23/11/2021 17:47

@bergam

At this stage does anyone NOT have a dog? I am getting heartily sick and tired of the amount of time, broadband width, and space on here given over to hairy animals. Keep it to the dog and cat boards please.

Anyway, the dog is not theirs, it is yours. First thing I would ask if I had a bloody dog is "is it ok to bring dog?" It is just polite. I would abide by the answer, which in this case would be No, dogs not allowed. OK so.

@bergam "At this stage does anyone NOT have some irrelevant scolding to dish out? I am getting heartily sick & tired of the amount of time, broadband width & space on here given over to bossy instructions. Keep it to yourself please."
MoverCat · 23/11/2021 17:47

No, please don't do this.

Reasons people have given previously:
The hosts have a cat
A new carpet/furniture
The dog smells
There will be small children
There will be other guests who don't like dogs/are scared of dogs
Piss/poo accidents
Dog hair
Allergies
Not wanting dogs around lots of food

There are many valid reasons.

I love dogs, but have had to tell mil on many occasions that she can't bring her dog because we have an anxious rescue cat, who would disappear for days if a dog came round, and I'm not prepared to banish him from his home or lock him away for a day. This is my cats home.

dizzydizzydizzy · 23/11/2021 17:48

YABVU. Not everyone likes dogs

Fros · 23/11/2021 17:48

Cross post

So why would you think dog was invited?

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