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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

My aunt doesn't want me to bring my dog to Christmas day

303 replies

onethickpony · 23/11/2021 16:56

My Aunt has told me that she doesn't want me to bring my dog on Christmas day. There are going to be 22 of us so I can understand maybe she is worried about it being overwhelming, but my dog is very clean and well behaved and has been at most large family gatherings without issue.

Should I just respect her wishes or AIBU to push back and least ask why? Sad to think of my dog alone on xmas day (yes i am a crazy pet parent).

OP posts:
WonderfulYou · 23/11/2021 18:11

But the fact that small noisy children are welcomed and a quiet companion animal (who requires no food or attention) is not is depressing but not surprising in these increasingly humancentric times.

Most people aren’t cruel enough to force their dog to attend something that would stress them out.

mybroomstick · 23/11/2021 18:13

I personally prefer dogs to children and I still think op is BU.

DontBeCatty · 23/11/2021 18:13

@FreshFreesias

Wow. I’m staggered so many people hate dogs on mumsnet. I think people have got more intolerant in recent times. What if the dog was an assistance dog of some kind? And this sounds like an equally well-behaved dog.

I might suck it up if I wanted to see 22 relatives 😨 and maybe get away with staying 3 hours max “got to get back for the dog”, is a great excuse to leave.

But the fact that small noisy children are welcomed and a quiet companion animal (who requires no food or attention) is not is depressing but not surprising in these increasingly humancentric times.

No one said the ‘hate’ dogs. I don’t hate dogs but I find a lot are really irritating and a lot of their owners even mor so.
TeeBee · 23/11/2021 18:15

I think most people have explained on here that they don't hate dogs and are, in fact, dog owners themselves. It's just that most people don't base their lives around other people's pets.

'Increasing human centric' 🤣🤣🤣

JunoMcDuff · 23/11/2021 18:15

increasingly humancentric times

We're more animal centric than ever! Bars, shops, cafes. Definitely more animal centric than when I first had dogs 20 years ago.

And you can't leave young kids home alone for any period of time.

WaterAndRichTea · 23/11/2021 18:15

Rude to not respect her wishes dont you think?
How odd!

VillageOf8 · 23/11/2021 18:17

@Darkpheonix

I am guessing this a reverse.

Because no one is this dense. I have dogs. I love dogs. That doesn't mean they have to do everywhere I do.

They also don't know it's Christmas day.

Oh yes (many) dog owners are this dense. For sure they are lol. I've seen dog owners allow their dogs to do things that kids would've been scolded for. They bring their dogs everywhere. I have a dog too and wouldn't even ask if I could bring her to someone's home. If they didn't make the offer first, I would assume doggo's not invited and would go myself to my family's home.

I wonder what dogs throughout the ages did when their owners had to work the fields or do something outside the home? I'm guessing they stayed home alone for a bit and still survived.

OP, just stay home with your dog, 22 people is a lot and I know would stress me out. If I told someone they couldn't bring their dog to my house and they argued or tried to question me, I would then say that person is no longer invited too. If they were entitled enough to bring the dog after I said no, I would turn them away at the door. No means no, even for your doggo.

LowlandLucky · 23/11/2021 18:18

Maybe the poor dog wouldn't want to be in a strange house with 22 people

SpindlesWhorl · 23/11/2021 18:22

I agree with the OP on one thing - that 'push back' wasn't the right phrase to use. It's rather like 'should I call her out on it?' that is now appearing everywhere.

OP, I think you'll have to plan your day around your dog being at home, so you'll probably be at your aunt's for less time than you wanted.

On a side note - how the heck is she catering for 22??!

Punfreeusername · 23/11/2021 18:23

Well..

  1. Your dog might have been allowed to be at other events, but maybe as a concession rather than a welcome addition. Perhaps Christmas Day is one step too far.
  1. 22 people in a house? Sod that. I'd go for an hour max at some stage and enjoy the peace and quiet of just being with the dog for the rest of the day .
CloseThePackWithAClickClack · 23/11/2021 18:23

I can’t stand dogs and would hate one in my home. Dogs are filthy, they smell and I wouldn’t want their wee or poo in my garden, their drool on my floor or their hair shed everywhere for me to find for the next 3 months.

Respect her wishes or stay at home with your dog.

mybroomstick · 23/11/2021 18:26

And I know that lots of people hate cats and think they're smelly and antisocial.

But I love my cat to pieces, think he's a magnificent creature and think he smells deliciously like digestive biscuits Grin

But I absolutely don't expect other people to like them.

Floralnomad · 23/11/2021 18:26

We go to my sisters on Christmas Day , if the dog doesn’t go then nor do we . Our dog is part of the family .

mybroomstick · 23/11/2021 18:28

@Floralnomad

We go to my sisters on Christmas Day , if the dog doesn’t go then nor do we . Our dog is part of the family .
And that's absolutely fair enough, I fully respect how you feel.

But I therefore wouldn't be able to invite you to my house.

LadyCleathStuart · 23/11/2021 18:29

What is it with people taking their dogs everywhere with them these days? I love dogs, have had them my whole life and currently have two but I would never for a second think that any invite I recieved also extended to them? That would be madness.

I wish people would stop comparing dogs to children. Children are people, dogs are animals.

LittleGwyneth · 23/11/2021 18:31

I don't think it would be unreasonable to message her and ask if there is a specific reason / anything you could do to assuage her concerns (the dog could be outside for a chunk of the day?) as long as you're clear that you respect her wishes and if it's as simple as 'we don't want the dog' that's okay too.

LolaButt · 23/11/2021 18:31

Unless you’re currently breastfeeding the dog, YABU.

Happyhappyday · 23/11/2021 18:32

I would be so annoyed if someone asked why. It may be that nothing specific happened but some family just find it irritating to have a dog around and they’re just sick of you constantly asking. I really dont like dogs in my house (why I don’t own one) but if it was a close family member, I’d feel obligated & would get really tired of the person always wanting to bring their pet. I chose not to have a dog because I don’t want to deal even with a clean one in my house.

PurpleDaisies · 23/11/2021 18:32

@LittleGwyneth

I don't think it would be unreasonable to message her and ask if there is a specific reason / anything you could do to assuage her concerns (the dog could be outside for a chunk of the day?) as long as you're clear that you respect her wishes and if it's as simple as 'we don't want the dog' that's okay too.
This would go down like a lead balloon with me.

Expect a curt reply of “the dog is not welcome”.

The dog is not welcome. It is clear.

VillageOf8 · 23/11/2021 18:33

@LadyCleathStuart I agree with everything you said. But the people who compare their dogs to real human children will never be convinced the dog is not, in fact, a human child. They will argue and insult you and insult children (even tho we were all once kids)

I think they seem to think they actually birthed the dog, just like its actual dog mom did. I think they truly believe raising a dog is the same as raising a human child to be a productive member of society. It's mind boggling.

I would never take my dog anywhere she wasn't welcome. No restaurants, food stores (YUCK), kids parks, or people's homes. Sadly, the considerate dog owners are very rare nowadays.

Furrydogmum · 23/11/2021 18:33

I wouldn't leave my dogs for a whole day so just wouldn't go.

Original poster
onethickpony · 23/11/2021 18:35

@SpindlesWhorl

I agree with the OP on one thing - that 'push back' wasn't the right phrase to use. It's rather like 'should I call her out on it?' that is now appearing everywhere.

OP, I think you'll have to plan your day around your dog being at home, so you'll probably be at your aunt's for less time than you wanted.

On a side note - how the heck is she catering for 22??!

Yeah push back was definitely the wrong phrase to use in retrospect and can see why people think I was being knob.

R.e catering we all chip in, help her prep and cook, contribute a dish, give her some money ect, it's really lovely but can understand people who think it sounds like a nightmare :D

OP posts:
Gonnagetgoing · 23/11/2021 18:35

@LadyCleathStuart

What is it with people taking their dogs everywhere with them these days? I love dogs, have had them my whole life and currently have two but I would never for a second think that any invite I recieved also extended to them? That would be madness.

I wish people would stop comparing dogs to children. Children are people, dogs are animals.

@LadyCleathStuart - a friend of a friend got a dog and immediately she got the dog it became all about the dog and it’s needs, eg it coming everywhere with her despite some others (my friend and I) not necessarily wanting the dog coming to some events we organised. Sadly it was the death knell of my friend’s friendship with this woman and it was something dog related.

It’s not so bad if you have friends with dogs who pander to your wishes but there’s nothing wrong with not bringing a dog out everywhere even though you can.

I think it’s substitute child syndrome for lots of people who get dogs.

Livpool · 23/11/2021 18:37

@LadyCleathStuart

What is it with people taking their dogs everywhere with them these days? I love dogs, have had them my whole life and currently have two but I would never for a second think that any invite I recieved also extended to them? That would be madness.

I wish people would stop comparing dogs to children. Children are people, dogs are animals.

Completely agree with this
jjj321 · 23/11/2021 18:38

I like dogs but not in my home. They add a level of chaos and hassle to gatherings and my house and garden isn't particularly dog friendly. I always ask people to leave their dogs at home or with family/friends when they visit.

For me, being a good host doesn't extend to animals and it slightly irks me when friends push the point and it becomes awkward.