To think the hotel is in the wrong?

[MiddayMass]

My sister and her husband had their 10 year anniversary party at a local hotel yesterday. They had a free bar on them, £1500 tab.

Dsis was suspicious over some things as tab was sucked dry very quickly and she’d seen people at the bar and yet not with a drink at the table, so she asked for a receipt of everything ordered throughout the night.

It’s turns out somebody (or several people) were buying full bottles directly from the bar. Not just wines but spirits, one cheeky fucker bought an entire bottle of Remy Martin. Others only got chance to have a lime and soda or a coke on the tab before it was sucked up. A few late-arrivals got fuck-all.

Me and Dsis both suspect who the culprits are but we can’t really prove it.

Dsis has spoken to the manager who confirmed that people were buying bottles on the tab (this amazes me, surely it breaks some kind of licensing law) and that they did not see it as a problem as Dsis and her husband never specified that they wanted it limited. Dsis feels it was a given. We’ve also heard from a family friend that one of the bar staff was telling people “You can buy the bottle if you’d like?” when they ordered the same spirit more than once. We feel it was an obvious attempt to suck the tab dry quickly to get people buying drinks again. The bar staff looked barely 18 so I imagine the manager had told them to upsell bottles.

Whilst people were cheeky fuckers, AIBU to think the hotel was in the wrong?

Not RTFT but it's a bit of everything. The guests shouldn't have ordered the bottles of spirits, the event planner should have checked what were the parameters of the open bar with your sister before the event went ahead and the bar staff should have thought twice and checked before putting a bottle of spirits on the tab (Ex hotel Events Manager!)

Poorly handled by the hotel but your sister was naive: she should have specified what the parameters were, e.g. no wine over £50 per bottle, no spirits, only singles or any combination thereof.

The hotel should have i) advised her to set parameters; ii) absolutely should not have been upselling iii) should have discretely checked in when various thresholds were met to ask if any changes to approach were required.

Depending on number of guests it isn’t a huge tab and the hotel should have been clearer about how long it was likely to last.

the person who ordered the bottles was appallingly behaved. Any idea if it was drunk at the party or they were stashing bottles to take home? I think I’d given them a call to express disappointment.

I had an open bar at my wedding. The venue asked what we wanted to make available. I don't think legally they can sell bottles where I am.

I know for my wedding we prompted by the hotel that they had these usual rules for open bars, per above posters. We'd have not necessarily thought of it otherwise. It absolutely sounds like the venue encouraged it. At the very least I'd have expected them to clarify with the B&G for people blagging bottles on the tab.

this is insane on both sides of it.

They must have cameras I would want the footage to see who was doing it. I'd confront them and go NC.

Equally the hotel and staff were not behaving properly - a bottle of wine is one thing but not sealed bottels of spirits... very strange and unprofessional behaviour...

@MiddayMass

My sister and her husband had their 10 year anniversary party at a local hotel yesterday. They had a free bar on them, £1500 tab.

Dsis was suspicious over some things as tab was sucked dry very quickly and she’d seen people at the bar and yet not with a drink at the table, so she asked for a receipt of everything ordered throughout the night.

It’s turns out somebody (or several people) were buying full bottles directly from the bar. Not just wines but spirits, one cheeky fucker bought an entire bottle of Remy Martin. Others only got chance to have a lime and soda or a coke on the tab before it was sucked up. A few late-arrivals got fuck-all.

Me and Dsis both suspect who the culprits are but we can’t really prove it.

Dsis has spoken to the manager who confirmed that people were buying bottles on the tab (this amazes me, surely it breaks some kind of licensing law) and that they did not see it as a problem as Dsis and her husband never specified that they wanted it limited. Dsis feels it was a given. We’ve also heard from a family friend that one of the bar staff was telling people “You can buy the bottle if you’d like?” when they ordered the same spirit more than once. We feel it was an obvious attempt to suck the tab dry quickly to get people buying drinks again. The bar staff looked barely 18 so I imagine the manager had told them to upsell bottles.

Whilst people were cheeky fuckers, AIBU to think the hotel was in the wrong?

We had an open bar at our wedding but used a ticket scheme where people handed over a ticket per drink and we had pre agreed with the staff which drinks would be covered. All of our guests were really respectful and appreciative. I feel bad for those affected as it's your nearest and dearest who have taken advantage of your good nature. My mum and dad went to a wedding at gleneagles one time and the open bar tab was £16k!! People were taking the p big time and adding full bottles onto the bride and grooms tab. They were incredibly wealthy and could afford it but in all honesty it's irrelevant to me, it's disrespectful regardless of the monetary cost. The groom was really angry that people had taken advantage of what was a nice gesture and said he would never do it again

I'd be really annoyed at the hotel, especially since they asked guests if they wanted a whole bottle! It wouldn't have crossed my mind that people would do this, I worked in pubs/ clubs in uni and never had anyone order a full bottle of spirit! Wine yes, vodka no. So i'm not surprised that your sister didn't think to say it. I really don't think it is a normal thing to order a full bottle of spirits.

The people that took the bottles though are absolute d$cks!! What did they do with the bottles, were they just on the tables or hidden in handbags etc?

Absolutely your Dsis should make a fuss because any well run hotel would have thought to clarify this with the bill payer beforehand. It's possible the bar staff were young and inexperienced and didn't know what was normal.

She should not necessarily expect compensation but I think she is perfectly within her rights to let them know how disappointed she is. Maybe suggest a free meal for two or something as apology.

And If she can shame the guests somehow in a polite manner then this too. I would never dream of taking the piss like this with a free bar.

My sister had a free bar at her wedding but it was limited to wine beer and soft drinks, everything else had to be paid for otherwise you get requests for vintage champagne, malt whiskies, double spirits, shots and cocktails. What a shame after they'd been so generous OP, some people see the word "free" and take the bloody piss...

However organised the party should have limited the bar to wine, beer and soft drinks. That's what we did at our daughter's wedding. Everyone had a good time and we didn't live to regret the free bar. There are always a few obnoxious people who will take advantage, although we were pleasantly surprised at our daughter's reception. Everyone had a great time, but no one misbehaved or got nasty.

It's also a good idea to have someone designated to keep an eye on things. Someone other than the couple celebrating. I'm surprised no one noticed on the day.

I would definitely be sending out a carefully worded email to the guests to flush out these CFs...

I'd do it how someone suggested upthread... Saying that the tab went too quickly and some people didn't get a drink and could whoever who was ordering bottles tell you, as you're unsure if the tab is correct.

Perhaps they'll be shamed into reimbursing you...

Also it could well be not just cheeky fuckery, I've come across people who think a :free bar', is what the HOTEL underwrites, rather than the host picking up a tab.

@DappledThings

I'm asking why you think they are unreasonable I think OP is unreasonable. It might have been a better service to the sister if the hotel had checked if they had any limits on it but doesn't mean they were wrong. Blame lies squarely on the shoulders of OP's DS's arsehole friends and family who are absolute pisstakers.

'service' is their whole BUSINESS. They should know how to do it. That includes making sure they understand the needs and wishes of the people who hire their bar and staff for their events. The hotel have handled this shoddily. Those on here blaming the DSis, calling her 'naive' etc so what if she was? That's why there are hospitality professionals (I use the word loosely, obviously); they are there to help out customers so that everyone gets a good outcome.

Hotel absolutely BU not least because actively encouraging someone to drink an entire bottle of spirits (even between 2) goes against their duty to serve alcohol responsibly per their license. I'd be saying something about that, and maybe letting the local magistrates know.

'maybe letting the local magistrates know.'
Oh, that's a good idea. At least tell the hotel you're intending to do that; you never know, a reimbursement might magically appear...

It's worth going on to the Council's website and looking up the Hotel's alcohol License to see if there are any restrictions on the sale of alcohol by the bottle as they may have breached their License by doing this.

when we got married we put money behind the bar to a certain point (can't remember what it was now) and the hotel manager told us in advance to make it clear it was for wine, beer, champagne and soft drinks and not cocktails etc.

Didn't stop one drunk guest coming up to us with 2 bottles of dom perignon stuffed in each pocket of his jacket and hissing to us 'get some champagne to take back with you... it's free '.

Some people take advantage. i certainly was never able to look at that person the same way again. I'm sorry that happened to your sister.

I've never heard of such a thing. How extraordinary!

Dsis has spoken to the manager who confirmed that people were buying bottles on the tab (this amazes me, surely it breaks some kind of licensing law) and that they did not see it as a problem as Dsis and her husband never specified that they wanted it limited. Dsis feels it was a given.

I very much agree with your Dsis! Everyone knows what a bar tab means. Everyone knows that ordering full bottles of spirits and expecting the bride/groom to pay is not on.

The hotel are very much in the wrong. The bride and groom never thought to say "single drinks only, not full bottles" as nobody IN THEIR RIGHT MINDS would take advantage like that.

But it's horrible for your sister too, she now knows that among her friends and family she has some utter arseholes.

Of course it was the hotel's fault and it was deliberate. But Mumsnet is full of contrarians.

This is mad. I’ve previously worked in a wedding venue and a couple of bars, and we have never sold bottles of spirits. Especially not sealed ones. If we sold bottles of wine, we had to take the cork so people couldn’t leave the premises with any leftovers and drink them on the street.

The only places I’ve seen sell bottles of spirit in the UK were expensive nightclubs where you can get bottle service. And that’s hundreds per bottle. And again, not sealed bottles that you take home with you!

so if guest one at the bar had said 10 bottles of champagne (£150 each) they should have just served them and then said TAB CLOSED, PAY FOR IT?

surely the hotel should not allow that, unless it was bride/groom ordering it?

But the bar person doesn't know who the person ordering is - it could be the bride's father sorting out a main drink for everybody or it could be the spouse of a former colleague who semi-invited themselves. If they turned down the former by mistake, they could be blamed for embarrassing the B&G just as easily as they could be blamed for not turning down CF Colin, husband of Sally from Accounts.

The bar staff are only following the instructions of the management and, to be fair, a free bar restricted to cheap drinks isn't really in their financial interests - as if everybody is paying for themselves, they would normally expect to sell quite a few more expensive drinks anyway.

I know it isn't the intention to be tight, and a deal is to be negotiated between the venue and B&G/hosts, but it could be seen by the venue as rather cheeky, if you're effectively telling them to make the dearer drinks that they make most profit from off limits. Yes, people can still order and pay for them themselves, but they're far less likely to push the boat out when they could otherwise have a more standard drink completely free.

I know a lot of people are saying bar staff aren't at fault, however:

Hotel manager/ bar manager/ whomever helped facilitate this event and arrange for the £1500 bar tab should have made suggestions at the time as to what limitations should be in place. They are the ones actually in the business, and their expertise is part of what's being paid for when someone is holding an event at their establishment. If you're a customer who hasn't organised many events, you wouldn't even consider that people would charge bottles of Remy to the bar tab. However, the manager will certainly have seen such behaviour before, and should have made recommendations to avoid it.

Claiming 'oh you didn't tell us' is a bit disingenuous in this situation. If they genuinely needed telling that it needed to be stipulated, then they aren't trained very well. And if they were doing it just to run up the tab in the hopes that B&G would give them more money, that's disgraceful. There isn't any way that the hotel comes out of this looking good, imo.

(However, I assume they signed a contract and none of this was in it, so there isn't a whole lot they can do besides note it in their reviews, which I would totally leave online)

Wow I’m in my 60’s and have been drinking in bars since I was 14 . In all of that time I have never seen anyone buy a whole bottle of spirits!
What sort of cf do this? Surely the hotel are at fault for allowing it?

* I would never have expected the hotel to sell bottles. I’ve hosted bars before and that has never happened. I’d be speaking to the manager today.*

^This. Are the hotel being truthful?