To think the hotel is in the wrong?

[MiddayMass]

My sister and her husband had their 10 year anniversary party at a local hotel yesterday. They had a free bar on them, £1500 tab.

Dsis was suspicious over some things as tab was sucked dry very quickly and she’d seen people at the bar and yet not with a drink at the table, so she asked for a receipt of everything ordered throughout the night.

It’s turns out somebody (or several people) were buying full bottles directly from the bar. Not just wines but spirits, one cheeky fucker bought an entire bottle of Remy Martin. Others only got chance to have a lime and soda or a coke on the tab before it was sucked up. A few late-arrivals got fuck-all.

Me and Dsis both suspect who the culprits are but we can’t really prove it.

Dsis has spoken to the manager who confirmed that people were buying bottles on the tab (this amazes me, surely it breaks some kind of licensing law) and that they did not see it as a problem as Dsis and her husband never specified that they wanted it limited. Dsis feels it was a given. We’ve also heard from a family friend that one of the bar staff was telling people “You can buy the bottle if you’d like?” when they ordered the same spirit more than once. We feel it was an obvious attempt to suck the tab dry quickly to get people buying drinks again. The bar staff looked barely 18 so I imagine the manager had told them to upsell bottles.

Whilst people were cheeky fuckers, AIBU to think the hotel was in the wrong?

I'd expect the hotel to at least ask about any restrictions. It only takes a second to ask, and they obviously know more about how open bars work than the average person. It's their business!

I doubt there's anything OP's sister can do, but I'd complain.

This is very sad. Who were the invited friends? I dont know anyone who would take advantage of a generous float like that.
Hotels sometimes need watching with this sort of thing. I went to a funeral some years ago and ordered a coke for my son. The bar seemed reluctant to supply it, but I insisted and eventually a small glass of coke was supplied with a bill for £6. It seems parsimonius, but I always try to find the cost of bar drinks before I order, drinks can vary in price according to the situation. When in tourist and ski areas in europe the price is quite different for 'tourists' as it is for locals. This is can also be the case in the UK. I was in a pub on the Thames and asked for a pint and the barman looked confused and asked the manager how much it was. He looked at me (a student at the time) before he gave a price. However, looking around I noticed a coachload of foreigners had just arrived, no doubt ready to be fleeced. I felt ashamed about that. By law drinks prices should be openly displayed charged fairly to all customers.

@KittenCatcher

Buying bottles might be cheaper, maybe someone was ordering Remy Martin at £5 a shot, asked how much a bottle cost and it worked out cheaper. People take the piss.

Very unlikely. With spirits most places would just charge you the price of all the shots in the bottle

Free bar = drinks you’d typically order, but now gratis. What it doesn’t mean is a grab as much as you can like a boozy Supermarket Sweep.

This type of behaviour is why I hated free bars when I worked in hospitality! People can become so entitled and cheeky when it comes to alcohol.

The person who arranged the event on behalf of the hotel should have asked about restrictions on the bar tab and that should have been communicated to the bar staff, if that wasn't the case then it's not the fault of the actual staff doing the serving and should be taken up with whoever they organised the event with, it may well be the case that the bar staff were told to upsell bottles in the absence of any restrictions on the tab.

That said, people know they're taking the piss by ordering full bottles of spirits from a free bar, it's not a case of doing it by accident, so they're massive piss takers.

This type of behaviour is why I hated free bars when I worked in hospitality! People can become so entitled and cheeky when it comes to alcohol.

This is true. At a place I once worked the CEO used to do a Christmas party in the office for staff at their own expense. They had to stop providing wine because people were taking bottles away with them.

What a shame

A big celebration

And the sister spends her time watching guests ordering bottles
And the post chat analysis isn’t about funny stories or lovely speeches - but instead scabby guests and negligent hotel staff

Makes me feel very happy I have the family and friends that I do

DD is getting married soon, I will definitely be warning her about this.

Sadly from personal experience and from seeing threads on MN some people see that something is free to them and feel entitled to take all of it. Here it was drinks provided at a celebration but you see the same behaviour at breakfast buffets in hotels, complimentary drinks at events etc.

The attitude seems to be "I have paid/graced the event with my presence so I am entitled to take everything which isnt nailed down".

The hotel does have some responsibility and I would be asking for evidence that whole bottles of spirits were being handed over the bar. Being a bit of a cynic I would want evidence that these were not just being tacked onto the bill and leaving with staff. The sense of entitlement to take things which others have paid for is not just restricted to party guests.

At least the OP and her DSis now know who not to invite to future events.

It would never occur to me that people would do this . Where are their manners ?

The fault lies 50-50 between the hotel and the CF taking advantage of their hosts' generosity. DH and I had an open bar at our wedding. I don't drink alcohol so would have had no idea about limitations being a good thing if the hotel hadn't asked. They're the experts. They should suggest standard rules as part of their service. And guests behaving like this are contemptible.

When I have seen this type of guest behaviour it is funny how often they are 'duty' guests - distant relatives, old family friends. They have possibly been dropped from normal social events, garden BBQs, 'come over for coffee' type situations because of boorish behaviour but still get invited to the big events out of a sense of duty.

Time to drop them off the duty invite list.

@Oftenithinkaboutit

What a shame

A big celebration

And the sister spends her time watching guests ordering bottles
And the post chat analysis isn’t about funny stories or lovely speeches - but instead scabby guests and negligent hotel staff

Makes me feel very happy I have the family and friends that I do

I don't think she spent time watching as you put it. It would have been something she observed, amongst lots of other going ons. Post chat would have been about the whole day, and this came up too.

As OP said, culprit isn't even family.

Nowhere does it say they didn't have a good time nor oes it mean they don't have lovely friends and family like you.

OP, a good establishment wouldn't have allowed the guests to grab bottles without checking with the couple first.
No one thinks to request no bottles when having an open bar.

Very very cheeky of everyone. We had a free bar at our wedding and cocktails, shots, bottles weren't included. There were bottles of procesco and wine free flowing but I don't think anyone would have dared brought a bottle of sprits it's just so rude

@Treesandsheepeverywhere

Not the impression I got
The party happened “yesterday”, and the sister is starting a thread about it the next day.

It’s a shame. Tainted by this.

As I say - can’t comprehend friends and family close enough to have invited to this, to then observe

* Dsis was suspicious over some things as tab was sucked dry very quickly and she’d seen people at the bar and yet not with a drink at the table, so she asked for a receipt of everything ordered throughout the night. *

* Dsis is extremely upset, it’s terrible. *

I feel like even if the hotel hadn't thought about bottles or asked the hosts if there were any rules for the free bar when someone asks to buy a bottle (of spirits particularly) they should have found someone to query this with. If they mentioned it to the guest then it feels like the hotel snaked the hosts. Either way I wouldn't be happy with the hotel or the guests who took advantage.

@Oftenithinkaboutit a good host will be observant.

They will be making sure that people are having a good time, they will clock that Aunty Mabel seems to be sitting on her own. They will be watching that their catering seems to be working. If they have never been in a position to put money behind the bar they may be paying a bit of attention to what people are drinking.

It is a shame that the behaviour of a few guests and bar staff have left DSis with a sour taste.

I remember a colleague being left with a similar feeling after her wedding when she found out that the bar staff had allowed non wedding guests to charge the B&G for drinks. Added to this one of her bridesmaids also decided that she could spend the night in the B&Gs room!

I’m not critiquing the DS for keeping an eye on guests

I feel sorry for her that her party was blighted by her being “suspicious” and the following day being “extremely upset”!

The staff should be okay'd this with Dsis, experienced bar staff should know what a free bar entails.
C.F. I've heard of people ordering doubles for a toast which is mean anyway, ordering a bottle is disgusting knowing there is a tab and others haven't had a drink yet.

oh Yes blame the bar instead of the family of cheeky fuckers. Imagine the kind of people grabbing whole bottles of spirits off a free bar.

@MiddayMass

I don’t really blame the bar staff. My own 19 year old is in hospitality and I know a lot of the time training is absolutely horrendous. They only looked young and fresh on the job. Absolutely a management issue.

That’s not a management issue, it’s a rude guest issue.

That’s not a management issue, it’s a rude guest issue.

It's both.

CFs shouldn't have been ordering full bottles but management should have either explicitly explained to staff what was included and/or told them to check if they weren't sure, they definitely shouldn't have been encouraging guests to buy the bottles.

How many guests were there? Say 100 guests for argument sake (as you say he is one of 9 himself) then that's £15 pp. They should have just said 2/ 3 drinks per person as that is what it would cost. Rather than free for all. Although I do think the guests were taking the piss to get bottles!

@MiddayMass

Suspected Remy Martin CF isn’t even a family member, he’s one of those family friends that has been around years and always tags along on family events.

Thanks by on earth would you invite such people to a 10 year wedding celebration and provide a tab?

Not close to him at all
Think he’s a “twat”