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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Cheeky request? Would this upset you?

273 replies

Bangersandmash5 · 22/11/2021 08:01

I've rented a flat on my own for the last five years but due to various reasons will be moving out at the end of December. Lots of family and friends have kindly offered to let me live with them until I can buy my own place as I'm hoping to be on the property ladder by mid next year.

My close friend of many years has said I can rent a room in her place as she has a four bedroom house. She's asked for £250pm which will include all meals (she decided this), however they are a vegan family and I don't particularly enjoy the meals that they cook (lots of noodle type dishes). Obviously I would never be disrespectful and bring meat in the house but I will probably end up buying my own food anyway (boring meals such as jacket potato, beans on toast etc etc).

The bedroom is on the small side and will only fit a single bed in with a small chest of drawers so I will need to pay for a storage unit. I work full time and will be in the house during the evenings and sometimes weekends. Shower once a day and maybe wash my clothes once/twice a week, although I could do that at my parents house if needs be. I'm clean and tidy and have already told her I will help out around the house (one reason I've chosen to live with friend as she's similar to me). She's told me that her council tax won't increase if I move in.

I was thinking of asking her if she'd be happy to accept £200pm and I will sort my own food out, but wanted to get Mumsnet opinions first. I don't want to fall out with a friend, especially over money and ultimately it is her decision, but what do you all think? Would it upset you if I asked the question? She did let slip the other day that she use to charge her sister £120 to rent the same room, but I appreciate family will always get a discount! WinkSmile

OP posts:
CrimbleCrumble1 · 22/11/2021 13:51

fromdownwest what has the mortgage payment got to do with your rent?

Totalwasteofpaper · 22/11/2021 13:53

This is a very good deal. I would take it under the terms offered and try not to outstay your welome.

Do not make any "counter offers" it's not cheeky per se but it is going to annoy the hell out of her. she hasnt offered to cook for you because she is a saint. she has offered as it is most convenient. to be clear...
Your friend is including the food because she doesnt want you cooking / eating animal products/ making mess / doing whatever in her kitchen.

Do NOT go back with counter offers and "dot worry, I'll do X myself". she doesnt want you doing X - she wants a total vegan house with no extra mess.

Just let her cook for you and eat it.
if you are working such long hours anyway get breakfast and lunch in the office and aim to eat out with friends 2 nights a week mon-fri.

At weekends i'd give the house a wide berth and have plans.
Keep EVERYTHING in your room, this will help preserve the friendship.

Original poster
Bangersandmash5 · 22/11/2021 13:56

I've already explained why I don't particularly want to live with my parents @Chchchanger. Valid reasons or not, that's how I feel... I only suggested taking laundry back to my parents house to justify asking for a rent reduction.

@lottiegarbanzo I can't remember saying that it was my friends/family's responsibility to pay/sort out storage for me. I was answering other posters when they asked me if I would save any money. I will, but not very much. Granted, I would still need to pay for storage if I lived with family, but they wouldn't charge me as much as my friend so it would probably balance out...

My current rent is £400pm for a two bed flat which I have to myself, hence why I thought £250 was a bit much for a box room and meals I probably won't eat. Obviously I'm being unreasonable and will need to sit down and have a proper think. Thank you

OP posts:
Original poster
Bangersandmash5 · 22/11/2021 13:56

Thank you Smile

OP posts:
Pumperthepumper · 22/11/2021 13:59

@Bangersandmash5

I've already explained why I don't particularly want to live with my parents *@Chchchanger*. Valid reasons or not, that's how I feel... I only suggested taking laundry back to my parents house to justify asking for a rent reduction.

@lottiegarbanzo I can't remember saying that it was my friends/family's responsibility to pay/sort out storage for me. I was answering other posters when they asked me if I would save any money. I will, but not very much. Granted, I would still need to pay for storage if I lived with family, but they wouldn't charge me as much as my friend so it would probably balance out...

My current rent is £400pm for a two bed flat which I have to myself, hence why I thought £250 was a bit much for a box room and meals I probably won't eat. Obviously I'm being unreasonable and will need to sit down and have a proper think. Thank you

Why won’t you eat the meals though? Do you have a massively restricted diet?
Original poster
Bangersandmash5 · 22/11/2021 14:00

Sorry I didn't explain myself properly @Missmissmiiiiiiiiisss. Having a tumble dryer on overnight wouldn't normally bother me, it just worries me that they don't have a fire alarm incase it went on fire!

OP posts:
Original poster
Bangersandmash5 · 22/11/2021 14:02

@Pumperthepumper no not at all, I eat most things. I'm not fussy at all. They make a lot of noodle dishes, which just so happens to be the one meal that I don't enjoy. They also like a lot of spicy food which is a big no no for me.

OP posts:
lottiegarbanzo · 22/11/2021 14:03

No, I didn't quite mean that but, sort of... The idea that your friend should be expected to accept an amount of money and mode of living that suits you (given your other responsibilities and constraints) but not her, is the point at which 'doing what you can afford' becomes 'trying to make your responsibilities her problem'.

I think she's made a kind offer, you take it or leave it.

You could discuss the practicalities, eating times etc and see what she says but you would need to be led by her.

CrimbleCrumble1 · 22/11/2021 14:12

OP it sounds as if you live in a cheap area, how much would a regular room cost to rent in your area?

fromdownwest · 22/11/2021 14:12

@CrimbleCrumble1

fromdownwest what has the mortgage payment got to do with your rent?
If one of my friends was looking for some very short term accomodation, coming out of a messy break up, whilst still paying their other mortgage, I would not be charging the equivalent of my mortgage each month.

I would expect costs to be covered at best, but that is just me. Some people are differente

Original poster
Bangersandmash5 · 22/11/2021 14:12

I think it's probably best we don't go ahead with the plan. I think one of us will end up resenting the other due to money or living expectations. She has every right to not want non vegan foods in the house of course, but I'm 27 and if I want a bacon butty or sausage roll I should be able to have that without having to ask for permission first 😂

Our friendship means much more to me and it would be a shame to fall out over this, so I will have a look at other solutions instead 😊

OP posts:
Pumperthepumper · 22/11/2021 14:13

@Bangersandmash5

I think it's probably best we don't go ahead with the plan. I think one of us will end up resenting the other due to money or living expectations. She has every right to not want non vegan foods in the house of course, but I'm 27 and if I want a bacon butty or sausage roll I should be able to have that without having to ask for permission first 😂

Our friendship means much more to me and it would be a shame to fall out over this, so I will have a look at other solutions instead 😊

But if you wanted a bacon roll you could just go to a cafe.
Original poster
Bangersandmash5 · 22/11/2021 14:15

Of course I could @Pumperthepumper, but I might fancy one for tea at home... you never know...

Not sure what the issue is anyway, I've already said the set up won't work for me and I think our friendship will work out better if I live somewhere else Smile

OP posts:
thisplaceisweird · 22/11/2021 14:16

I think you're right to leave this one, give a huge thanks for the offer.

this poster is right: Do NOT go back with counter offers and "dot worry, I'll do X myself". she doesnt want you doing X - she wants a total vegan house with no extra mess. she clearly offered that because she doesn't want someone else in the kitchen, using pots and pans, fridge space, trying to cook while the family also is etc... sharing a kitchen is a nightmare.

Pumperthepumper · 22/11/2021 14:16

@Bangersandmash5

Of course I could *@Pumperthepumper*, but I might fancy one for tea at home... you never know...

Not sure what the issue is anyway, I've already said the set up won't work for me and I think our friendship will work out better if I live somewhere else Smile

But you’re not at your home, you’re getting a good deal at a vegan home.

Giving up the odd bacon butty in your bed seems a weird reason to say no.

BungleandGeorge · 22/11/2021 14:19

If my parents didn’t have a smoke alarm, honestly I’d just buy a couple and stick them up for them.
If it’s not much cheaper to move in with friend why not just keep renting? I find it hard to see how when you pay £400 plus council tax, water, electric, gas, broadband, tv licence/ subscriptions, I’ve used storage and it wasn’t that expensive, especially in an area where you can rent a 2 bed for £400 per month.
You’d be very unreasonable to try and negotiate on that amount of rent. She’s making you a kind offer. If you’re not happy with it, go with one of your other options

Original poster
Bangersandmash5 · 22/11/2021 14:20

I really don't understand what the problem is @Pumperthepumper? Friend has every right to not want non vegan foods in the house and has kindly offered to let me move in, but surely I'm well within my rights to turn that offer down because the set up doesn't work for me? Yes I could have a bacon butty at a cafe, but I might fancy one for tea one evening and won't be able to do that at friends house...

Many posters on here have advised against it as it will cause issues between us with money etc etc (which clearly it already is) so I think I'm making the right decision by walking away and finding somewhere else...

OP posts:
Pumperthepumper · 22/11/2021 14:23

@Bangersandmash5

I really don't understand what the problem is *@Pumperthepumper*? Friend has every right to not want non vegan foods in the house and has kindly offered to let me move in, but surely I'm well within my rights to turn that offer down because the set up doesn't work for me? Yes I could have a bacon butty at a cafe, but I might fancy one for tea one evening and won't be able to do that at friends house...

Many posters on here have advised against it as it will cause issues between us with money etc etc (which clearly it already is) so I think I'm making the right decision by walking away and finding somewhere else...

I think you’re making the right decision not mixing money and friendship.

But I’m surprised at how chippy you are about your friend’s diet, and it’s that bit that’s the dealbreaker for you. Veganism in 2021 is hardly a massive deal and it’s odd to me that you’d find that such a difficult thing to live with.

Original poster
Bangersandmash5 · 22/11/2021 14:23

@Pumperthepumper the price is also the issue... I currently pay £400pm for a two bed flat and will pay friend £250 for a small box room so it just doesn't seem worth it... it's not all about the bacon butties...

OP posts:
Original poster
Bangersandmash5 · 22/11/2021 14:25

@Pumperthepumper I'm not being chippy... sorry if it's come across that way. I support my friend 100% and have no issues with Veganism... it's a shame it's come across that way.

OP posts:
hilsea · 22/11/2021 14:26

I dont think it will be cheaper once youve factored in the cost of storage - this can be £250-300 a month once the initial free or promoitional priced period has ended. And as others have said the house buying process is very frustrating and can take a long time/ be derailed and so what you think should only take two months ends up taking four/six months. So I would get another flat - you could mention about the cost of stoirage/ having too much stuff as you excuse!

BungleandGeorge · 22/11/2021 14:26

For what it’s worth I wouldn’t want to live in a strictly vegan house either! It’s not a diet that many people want to pursue.

Original poster
Bangersandmash5 · 22/11/2021 14:29

That's my thinking too @hilsea

OP posts:
mewkins · 22/11/2021 14:34

@KosherDill

I wouldn't in a million years dream of charging a friend for temporary accommodation.

OP, you might be better to find another arrangement.

It's likely to be 6 months minimum. I wouldn't live in anyone's house rent free for that long.
burnoutbabe · 22/11/2021 14:51

I wouldn't want to be forced into a vegan diet for 6 months

Fine for veggie evening meals

But no milk for cereals or tea? no eggs or cheese for a quick snack.

Though we are not 100% sure the friend is offering meals include to ensure a totally vegan house. I'd clarify that bit. It may be fine to make own meals occasionally and have some storage space for milk - maybe fridge in room would be possible.
(I'd not cook meat in the house but I'd have milk etc)

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